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A Tired Black Man
 

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Replies: 319
 
HonestBrother offline
A1 · 9114 Forum Posts
April 25, 2006 at 3:48 PM (Last Edited: April 25, 2006 at 4:10 PM)
quote:
Originally posted by Huey:
Even a kicked dog, white, black or brown, will snap back at you if it's been kicked one too many times.

Lee does have a point that plenty of non-thuggish black men who have no aspirations of going to prison, could mess up one time and that woman won't have nothing to do with him (as if that good man is no longer good anymore), but will bend over backwards like Neo in "The Matrix" for the Jackass Flavor of the Month boyfriend and take his crap, until his crap is old hat and exchange for another jackass.

I'm tired of black women being mistreated by men of all races (including mine), as if they have to take it. But at the same time, I'm tired of decent black men who catch hell the minute we walk in the door, and being treated like some obedient eunuch because we actually show love, like it's against the law for a man to return love to a woman.

I too feel like this is "A last stand"; sometimes we don't want to as non-doggish black men, but we're practically backed into a corner as far as expressing ourselves, like that kicked dog. Sooner or later, one of us will pull out the F-U card out of the deck.


I hear you, Huey. There is nothing I'd like better than to marry a black woman and spend the rest of my life with her.

But I'm tired of feeling that so many black women seem to think it's alright to openly express contempt for all of us brothas whether we individually merit it or not. I have too many battles to fight out in the world to put up with constantly fighting in my 'home' with my 'women kin' too.

Black women say they want to be treated like queens, to have men who understand their struggles, and to be cherished...

You know what?... Many of us brothas want the same ... Many of us - like the brotha in the video IMO - are worthy men who are deserving of respect from the black woman...

But we very very very rarely feel the love...
thayfen offline
C2 · 126 Forum Posts
April 25, 2006 at 7:55 PM
Man...I can't wait for the actual MOVIE to come out.
HonestBrother offline
A1 · 9114 Forum Posts
April 25, 2006 at 7:59 PM
quote:
Originally posted by thayfen:
Man...I can't wait for the actual MOVIE to come out.


I'm telling you... when the movie comes out, that brotha better not disappoint me... After all this, I'll personally look him up and kick his punk azz ... Big Grin
motik offline
D1 · 38 Forum Posts
April 25, 2006 at 8:01 PM
Ammong our youth intelligence is rejected, young black women are attracted to the the thugs and the ballers. So what happens to the nerdy/intellectual brothers, if they can't get no love from sisters. Often they look elsewhere. I know because this happened to me.
And then when that nerdy/intellectual brother has met a women of another race, the same sisters get angry.
HonestBrother offline
A1 · 9114 Forum Posts
April 25, 2006 at 8:09 PM
quote:
Originally posted by motik:
Ammong our youth intelligence is rejected, young black women are attracted to the the thugs and the ballers. So what happens to the nerdy/intellectual brothers, if they can't get no love from sisters. Often they look elsewhere. I know because this happened to me.
And then when that nerdy/intellectual brother has met a women of another race, the same sisters get angry.



Man, I hear ya! ... You should meet my brother... he does comics too...
EbonyRose offline
A1 · 16598 Forum Posts
April 25, 2006 at 8:31 PM
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
But we very very very rarely feel the love...


I want to ask you about this, HonestBrother. Are you saying that you believe this is the rule rather than the exception? Confused

I ask because ... well, in my circle of friends, I would have to say that we all feel the same way about this subject ... that there are good Black men out there, you can't judge the actions of one against the actions of all, and that everyone, individually deserves a chance of their own. But this is especially true in relationships ... where we women have to give a man a chance to show who he is. And I suppose this is so because we generally hang around like-minded people ... hence, I am the company I keep!

However, my circle of friends is small ... and I've known by best girlfriends for a minimum of 20 years! Eek And although I know that there are a lot of women out there that you are talking about are somewhat unfair in their treatment of men, in general, and Black men specifically, and are like the ones in the video, are you saying that you find it to ba a majority of the Black women that are like that? Confused Or is it a lot? Or just more than there should be? Like is it, would you say, 50/50? 80/20? Or what?
HonestBrother offline
A1 · 9114 Forum Posts
April 25, 2006 at 8:50 PM (Last Edited: April 25, 2006 at 9:11 PM)
quote:
Originally posted by EbonyRose:
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
But we very very very rarely feel the love...


I want to ask you about this, HonestBrother. Are you saying that you believe this is the rule rather than the exception? Confused
...................................................................................

And although I know that there are a lot of women out there that you are talking about are somewhat unfair in their treatment of men, in general, and Black men specifically, and are like the ones in the video, are you saying that you find it to ba a majority of the Black women that are like that? Confused Or is it a lot? Or just more than there should be? Like is it, would you say, 50/50? 80/20? Or what?


EbonyRose, it is impossible for me to fairly and accurately make such a judgement. I only have my own individual experience as a guide and I have not experienced every black woman.

But I can honestly say that, based on my own experience... let's say there is a certain density factor. When you go out with woman after woman after woman and you experience in each case people with some serious issues, you start to see a pattern ... to get a certain message...

And some people are going to get ticked off. But I've also dated white women and have not experienced anywhere near the same level of dysfunction, hostility, and self sabotage. The point of saying this is to head off those who will say you must be doing something wrong. I'm not perfect... but white women find my azz to be fascinating Big Grin ... But I kid you not... I haven't dated at all in the last 7 months... to be honest if I see a sista I'm attracted to I'm almost afraid to go anywhere near her...

But I will confess: there is a certain special sista I met recently... I'm strangely hopeful.. I'm taking it slooooow... one day at a time... but I am hopeful... I think she's special... beautiful to my eyes... ears... and...

quote:

I ask because ... well, in my circle of friends, I would have to say that we all feel the same way about this subject ... that there are good Black men out there, you can't judge the actions of one against the actions of all, and that everyone, individually deserves a chance of their own. But this is especially true in relationships ... where we women have to give a man a chance to show who he is. And I suppose this is so because we generally hang around like-minded people ... hence, I am the company I keep!

However, my circle of friends is small ... and I've known by best girlfriends for a minimum of 20 years! Eek


Ebony, you are special in many ways... It's probably the case that your friends are as well.
EbonyRose offline
A1 · 16598 Forum Posts
April 25, 2006 at 9:13 PM
Okay ... well, this is getting even more interesting, HB, because, as I listen to you and am listening to what many of the women here on the board are saying ... it's the same thing!

They, too, find themselves entwined in a circle of having the same kind of guys treat them the same way until such a pattern is also established. It seems like women may tend to get a bit more bitter about it though ... but then again, some of you guys are pretty disappointed as well.

But, it's obviously for different reasons, though. Hmmm ... I'm gonna have to think about this one some more! Smile

And I'll keep a couple fingers crossed for you! Slow is the way to go ... usually leads to knowing what you're about to get into before you realize you've near 'bout drowned in it! You're pretty special too ... I hope it works out!

However, tell her's somewhere between 5-20% of you she's got to leave with the board 'cause we've already divvied you up! Big Grin
FireFly offline
A1 · 4579 Forum Posts
April 26, 2006 at 12:07 AM
quote:
Originally posted by thayfen:
Man...I can't wait for the actual MOVIE to come out.


From what I'm reading, it will create a huge discussion ... and it sounds like it is really needed... across the board.
After the dust settles, maybe some good will come out of it. Good, as in dialogue and perhaps some new strategies.
LovNThySoul offline
C5 · 53 Forum Posts
April 26, 2006 at 8:21 AM
quote:
Originally posted by motik:
Ammong our youth intelligence is rejected, young black women are attracted to the the thugs and the ballers. So what happens to the nerdy/intellectual brothers, if they can't get no love from sisters. Often they look elsewhere. I know because this happened to me.
And then when that nerdy/intellectual brother has met a women of another race, the same sisters get angry.


I feel you. I am looking at my own family. We are all very much similar personality wise. My sister is married to a white man. My cousin (that i grew up with as a brother) is in a serious long term with a white girl. I look at some of my friends and some are in mixed relationships (other races as well).

We are saying similar things. I know for my sister, she told me that because of how we were raised and how we talk, our own people act like they don't want us. That's from my own sister and not me.

I haven't dated a woman of any other race than black but i am opening up. I haven't dated in a year so i know how you feel.
jazzi offline
D5 · 1 Forum Post
April 26, 2006 at 8:57 AM
i hear you, but i've had friends that still complained. also..if he couldn't keep a job, why would you have kids with him ? as women, we must remmber who we're helping reproduce.


quote:
Originally posted by Rowe:
quote:
Originally posted by EbonyRose:
I got this in an email ... and just thought I'd share! Eek

It's a Google Video ... so I hope the link works!

A Tired Black Man


Interesting skit, but I have question. If the man who plays the "tired Black man" in this skit is doing what he's supposed to do as a responsible father: He bought the house, the car, pays for most of the family's expenses, cares for his daughter, AND he's GORGEOUS, what would his wife, in this scenerio, have to complain about? In my opinion, this skit would be a lot more believable if he couldn't keep a job, hardly ever saw his kids, and relied upon his wife to support him. Then, she can count herself as being one of many tired Black women who has the right to complain.
Judgment Day offline
D5 · 3 Forum Posts
April 26, 2006 at 9:53 AM
Wow I have to say reading some of the emails on this site has brought back many memories. I don't condone nor do I appreciate the way some movies depict our brothers and sisters, but I do think the message does need to be conveyed in a manner so that each gender will have a better understanding of one another.

I was in a serious relationship for 7 years, so I thought I was. I was that brother that took care of ALL my X needs. I cooked, cleaned, provided finances, romanced,continued to raise my daughter on my own, who I had full custody of, you name it I did it. (Also had that street mentality). I also attended church on a regularly basis, so the spiritual connection was there as well.

I further my connection with the Lord to become a Deacon in training, and eventually found myself spiritually atoned in and where I wanted to be in life. Well that became an issue, she wanted that cat who she originally was attracted to from the get-go. I was told that the relationship wasn't mystic anymore. Which was some bs. She looked forward to me going out and kicking with the fellas every weekend. That was old news, I didn't want nor felt the need to do that anymore (because I was saved). I gave this particular woman who had no problems in the beginning the best 7 years of my(our) life, and not once did she commend me on all my efforts of achievements throughout our relationship. Nor did it bother me because the love was always there, so I thought it was. I didn't let that change the way I viewed other women, but it did help me regain my identity as a man. You can give a person everything, and they will still want more, no matter how well you treat a person each individual is different in their own ways but share a lot of similar characteristics.

BOTTOM LINE, THERE IS SOMEONE SPECIAL FOR EVERYBODY.
HonestBrother offline
A1 · 9114 Forum Posts
April 26, 2006 at 10:43 AM
Will all the good black men in the house please step forward?... Just say "I" and introduce yourself... Big Grin


Here's to us: beer
Judgment Day offline
D5 · 3 Forum Posts
April 26, 2006 at 11:07 AM
I be self, as I already initially introduced myself. Voices need 2b heard and not just listened 2. Men want to be heard just like the rest of the sisters. Even if we were all on the same page, we still would have issues.

For the most part let anyone step up who is without sin be the first to cast a stone.

Lets TRY2 come together and work as one, instead of working without the other. That is part of the problem in most relationship now. Stop competing against each other, this isn't a game. No one is a pro, because if that was the case you would be getting paid for it, all of this bashing "men ain't no good and women ain't no good", try seeing eye-2-eye for a change. I know easier said than done. I do believe if there was less negativity in the atmosphere we wouldn't become victimized to socities scrunity of our race regarding relationships.

HOLLA.
LovNThySoul offline
C5 · 53 Forum Posts
April 26, 2006 at 12:28 PM
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
Will all the good black men in the house please step forward?... Just say "I" and introduce yourself... Big Grin


Here's to us: beer


beer

I know i am a good man. I don't know if i even want to date right now. I'd say I'm tired (emotionally exausted) of the constant that i have been seeing. A man can be open for only so long so i stopped dating for about a year so far.

I would have to have a very stimulating person to make me think differently. So yes, i'm a challenge LOL.
Stargazer_Lilly offline
D5 · 1 Forum Post
April 26, 2006 at 12:33 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Rowe:
quote:
Originally posted by EbonyRose:
I got this in an email ... and just thought I'd share! Eek

It's a Google Video ... so I hope the link works!

A Tired Black Man


Interesting skit, but I have question. If the man who plays the "tired Black man" in this skit is doing what he's supposed to do as a responsible father: He bought the house, the car, pays for most of the family's expenses, cares for his daughter, AND he's GORGEOUS, what would his wife, in this scenerio, have to complain about? In my opinion, this skit would be a lot more believable if he couldn't keep a job, hardly ever saw his kids, and relied upon his wife to support him. Then, she can count herself as being one of many tired Black women who has the right to complain.


It wouldn't be believable if he couldn't keep a job and all the rest. The whole point of the skit is that for the few black men that do what they are suppose to do black women will find something to argue about. He is not giving her a reason to complain, but she finds things to complain about regardless.
tiredblkwoman offline
D5 · 1 Forum Post
April 26, 2006 at 12:48 PM
My opinion of this skit was it was stupid because it really is not that simple. These days black men dont want the darker shaded black woman we are usually not pretty enough in their eyes. If your not light or white they dont want you. It it is a lie that all black women want material things from black men we are very capable of getting the things we want and need. There is nothing wrong with wanting a man to be a man and have a job. Its would be nice for us both to work togethor to move ahead in life. My problem with black men is that if a black woman does not have long hair or her skin is not light and she doesnt have alot of money then they dont give us the time of day but their real quick to call us ugly or put us down and have sex with us but will go out and find the fattest white trailor trash they can find and treat her like a queen and look down on us. I can only speak for myself but i'm a very intelligent black woman i'm average looking I make my own money and i'm not going to take care of a grown ass man when we can support each other. But a white girl will buy a black man anything he wants and allow him to sit on his ass at home just to keep him and because we black woman wont tolerate that then that makes us hard etc. That BS the skit shows a weak example of a black men because they are not taking care of their kids and not taking care of their responsibilities they need to show the real deal. We black woman are out here taking care of our children alone while they are sitting up under a white girl letting her take care of them instead they should be making a real man out of him and making his ass get a job and help her out as well as encouraging him to take care of his other kids and responsibilities. I could care less about these black men dating white women because I look at it like this thats less trash we have to deal with and not all black men are bad but I have come to see that white men are quicker to respect and truely love us when our own men should be doing that but black men you are really making fools out of yourselfs. Dont think us beautiful black woman are jealous of these white girls your with its actully funny. Some of you are weak so why not go to someone that will deal with your tired ass. From a beautiful independant black woman...
Judgment Day offline
D5 · 3 Forum Posts
April 26, 2006 at 1:16 PM
I see that you have a lot of hostility from your past encounters. That's cool but it's different strokes for different folks. I personally love beautiful dark women and the men that hang out with do me as well.

Complexion and long hair may be a preference to some but not all. Why limit yourself to just looks that doesn't mean anything, it could be vice-versa, you could have a dark and lovely women and she still treats you like shet.

All that counts is whether or not he or she genuinely loves or care about you. Damn near every white person, be it male or female that wants to date people of color is out of curiousity. I know white men that treat black women like shet and white women that treat black men like shet, it doesn't have anything to do with race, it's all about the individual. We(black people) need to stop throwing stones at one another and let the past give you insight on a positive future. That's one of our biggest down falls, always quick to say something about someone else, you don't ever hear white people down playing their race. Get over it, movies just bring to light what we have to face or deal with everyday in society. REAL TALK!!!
LovNThySoul offline
C5 · 53 Forum Posts
April 26, 2006 at 1:46 PM
quote:
Originally posted by tiredblkwoman:
My opinion of this skit was it was stupid because it really is not that simple. These days black men dont want the darker shaded black woman we are usually not pretty enough in their eyes. If your not light or white they dont want you. It it is a lie that all black women want material things from black men we are very capable of getting the things we want and need. There is nothing wrong with wanting a man to be a man and have a job. Its would be nice for us both to work togethor to move ahead in life. My problem with black men is that if a black woman does not have long hair or her skin is not light and she doesnt have alot of money then they dont give us the time of day but their real quick to call us ugly or put us down and have sex with us but will go out and find the fattest white trailor trash they can find and treat her like a queen and look down on us. I can only speak for myself but i'm a very intelligent black woman i'm average looking I make my own money and i'm not going to take care of a grown ass man when we can support each other. But a white girl will buy a black man anything he wants and allow him to sit on his ass at home just to keep him and because we black woman wont tolerate that then that makes us hard etc. That BS the skit shows a weak example of a black men because they are not taking care of their kids and not taking care of their responsibilities they need to show the real deal. We black woman are out here taking care of our children alone while they are sitting up under a white girl letting her take care of them instead they should be making a real man out of him and making his ass get a job and help her out as well as encouraging him to take care of his other kids and responsibilities. I could care less about these black men dating white women because I look at it like this thats less trash we have to deal with and not all black men are bad but I have come to see that white men are quicker to respect and truely love us when our own men should be doing that but black men you are really making fools out of yourselfs. Dont think us beautiful black woman are jealous of these white girls your with its actully funny. Some of you are weak so why not go to someone that will deal with your tired ass. From a beautiful independant black woman...


Just talkin about me here so....

I have always been attracted to darker skin women. ALWAYS. And i mean dark chocolate to light. It never has mattered to me. Most of the women i have dated were very, very chocolate.

Most women i like are more natural but i don't have anything against a sista that has straight hair either.

I've been working for a fortune 500 company for over 8 years.

I've never dated a white woman and don't want to.

Yes women have qualified me over and over about my job, my car and everything else they can think of and it's a turn off. Get to know me first before asking stuff like that. You don't want to waste time but neither do i.

I take care of my son equally and have him evenly. His mother and i are not together but are friends (strictly). I am NOT on child support.

I've only done long term relationships.

I said all that cause some of ya'll need to read it till you can see straight anymore. I'm going to say the same thing you all say to us. It's the men you are choosing.

I know you didn't say all black men but if you feel they are so weak, why respond to them?

I'm not trying to offend, but if you are independent then why is there a need to speak of men that don't concern you? When i hear that and i've had other sistas clarify that when you say "independent" that means you don't need a man.

So if we aren't needed then why worry about us?
Khalliqa offline
A1 · 7901 Forum Posts
April 26, 2006 at 1:50 PM
quote:
Originally posted by LovNThySoul:
Just talkin about me here so....

I have always been attracted to darker skin women. ALWAYS. And i mean dark chocolate to light. It never has mattered to me. Most of the women i have dated were very, very chocolate.

Most women i like are more natural but i don't have anything against a sista that has straight hair either.

I've been working for a fortune 500 company for over 8 years.

I've never dated a white woman and don't want to.

Yes women have qualified me over and over about my job, my car and everything else they can think of.

I full take care of my son. His mother and i are not together but are friends. I am NOT on child support.

I said all that cause some of ya'll need to read it till you can see straight anymore.

I know you didn't say all black men but if you feel they are so weak, why respond to them?

I'm not trying to offend, but if you are independent then why is there a need to speak of men that don't concern you? When i hear that and i've had other sistas clarify that when you say "independent" that means you don't need a man.

So if we aren't needed then why worry about us?


You're kidding me right?

You're not real.....

laugh


Peace,
Virtue
EbonyRose offline
A1 · 16598 Forum Posts
April 26, 2006 at 2:22 PM
quote:
Originally posted by tiredblkwoman:
My opinion of this skit was it was stupid because it really is not that simple. These days black men dont want the darker shaded black woman we are usually not pretty enough in their eyes. If your not light or white they dont want you. It it is a lie that all black women want material things from black men we are very capable of getting the things we want and need. There is nothing wrong with wanting a man to be a man and have a job. Its would be nice for us both to work togethor to move ahead in life. My problem with black men is that if a black woman does not have long hair or her skin is not light and she doesnt have alot of money then they dont give us the time of day but their real quick to call us ugly or put us down and have sex with us but will go out and find the fattest white trailor trash they can find and treat her like a queen and look down on us. I can only speak for myself but i'm a very intelligent black woman i'm average looking I make my own money and i'm not going to take care of a grown ass man when we can support each other. But a white girl will buy a black man anything he wants and allow him to sit on his ass at home just to keep him and because we black woman wont tolerate that then that makes us hard etc. That BS the skit shows a weak example of a black men because they are not taking care of their kids and not taking care of their responsibilities they need to show the real deal. We black woman are out here taking care of our children alone while they are sitting up under a white girl letting her take care of them instead they should be making a real man out of him and making his ass get a job and help her out as well as encouraging him to take care of his other kids and responsibilities. I could care less about these black men dating white women because I look at it like this thats less trash we have to deal with and not all black men are bad but I have come to see that white men are quicker to respect and truely love us when our own men should be doing that but black men you are really making fools out of yourselfs. Dont think us beautiful black woman are jealous of these white girls your with its actully funny. Some of you are weak so why not go to someone that will deal with your tired ass. From a beautiful independant black woman...


Eek Eek
Khalliqa offline
A1 · 7901 Forum Posts
April 26, 2006 at 2:28 PM
quote:
Originally posted by LovNThySoul:
Just talkin about me here so....

I have always been attracted to darker skin women. ALWAYS. And i mean dark chocolate to light. It never has mattered to me. Most of the women i have dated were very, very chocolate.



I came back to the post and was like...

Did he say what I thought he said????

I just can't resist!

Qty! We've got a live one!

quote:
Most women i like are more natural but i don't have anything against a sista that has straight hair either.


That pretty much covers the pool of ALL black women! lol

quote:
I've been working for a fortune 500 company for over 8 years.

OOoooooookkkkk.....

quote:
I've never dated a white woman and don't want to.


smile....

quote:
I full take care of my son. His mother and i are not together but are friends. I am NOT on child support.

Used to children.... no mama drama.......



Okay let me go down the list: ahem...


1. loves chocolate women- check..

2. prefers natural women - check.

3. but not hating on sistahs with straight hair (which says he just appreciates a sistahs beauty... period...- check.

4. fortune 500 for eight years (stability and focus ** but doesn't say ingenuity right off the bat... or independent minded.... or leader.... BUT! does say ambitious and intelligent...)- check.

5. not into white girls- check.

6. likes children and are used to them- check.

7. no mama drama - check.

8. responsible- check check...

9. according to avatar- nice looking..- check.


Ummmmm...... and you are on the internet bemoaning a mate...

because?????


hulllooooooo????????


lol


laugh



Okay I'ma stop trippin' up in heah!

sorry, I just don't hear this everyday.....

Nice....



Peace,
Virtue
19hulady13 offline
D4 · 13 Forum Posts
April 26, 2006 at 2:50 PM
I'm listening to the radio now, and they're discussing this issue. It's really a mess. Brothers are calling in completely degrading Black women. One even had the audacity to say, "Brothers, if you want to be happy, go get you a white woman!"
Someone please help me understand. I commend our brothers who are taking strides to heal the Black community. To those who turn away in disgust, I just have one question~ How did the Black men in your lives treat your mothers and daughters? Did the Black women in your lives have a walk in the roses with their Black men, or did they go through a lot of drama at their hands? My point is, sisters have been tired of the drama for quite some time. If sisters were to drop our brothers simply based on bad experiences with Black men, there would be no issue today because sisters would've left long ago. I'll agree that you have your bad representations on each side...everyone has a valid story...but even in the midst of it all, I REFUSE to downgrade my Black men and say that ALL Black men are this or ALL Black men are that... That's ignorant because I haven't met ALL Black men.
I truly believe that most REAL Black women want a Black man who complements her. We should make each other better, not just exist together and settle for less than our potential. I look at my little cousin dating white females because they buy him cell phones and pay his bills. He barely graduated from high school and still bums off of his parents today. I have a family friend who talks to his white wife like she has a tail~ cheats on her~ comes and goes as he pleases~ She comes to us crying about it but continues to take it. These white females are okay with these unacceptable behaviors. They don't ask anymore of these guys and are satisfied with just halfway having them there. I'm sorry, but I can't settle for that. And when a good woman is wise enough to know that she deserves more, the man who doesn't want to do more cops out with the weak excuse that she's too uppity or she wants too much. It's even been suggested that those of us who are successful, educated Black women dumb down to get a man. Why? I find myself trying to hide some of my success because I've seen it make some Black men insecure. A lot of Black men end up trading down. Why is it so critical that some Black men have to have someone they view as less than them to feel like more of a man?
lbarker offline
D5 · 5 Forum Posts
April 26, 2006 at 4:36 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Rowe:
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
Rowe, you're not a man... You have no idea what we face from women...


Well, Brother Honestbrother, I don't want to play this blame game with you all night, because ultimately, that's what this video seeks to do: Put the blame for why Black relationships are not working all on Black women, but, I am a woman, and every woman that I've known who has ever made a complaint about her relationship had legitimate reasons to complain, very good reasons. Never was she crying just be crying about nothing. In fact, most Black women would love to be in a relationship where they would not have a lot of nonsense to deal with.


Wow!
He's a seemingly strong, successful black man who provided amply for her and their child. I couldn't help but wonder why he left her or why she left him. What black woman or any other would ruin a relationship with such a man? Any sane individual can see the reason - it's in her response/attitude/action she took when he came to the door. There's no way a kind, loving and humble woman would respond in that manor to a man who had treated her well in their relationship. If he had been a truly weak black man, who wasn't appreciative of her love and kindness, she wouldn't be upset about losing him to a white woman (while continuing to collect a check).

Either 1. She hadn't been given training or had a role model who knew 'how to keep a black man, or any man for that matter'. I would suggest taking a class called 'Bible Study'. Topic: How to love your man like you love God.

Or 2. He really isn't what this skit is making him out to be.
lbarker offline
D5 · 5 Forum Posts
April 26, 2006 at 5:04 PM
LovNThySoul

Independent DOES mean we don't need a man. But it doesn't mean we don't want one. Yes, men are our concern because men are what we desire. If that were not the case the title of lesbian would apply. We are concerned with our black men because they are our optimal choice over the rest. We love you and you know it. Black men know they are preferred by black women and also desired by all other shades of women.

The difference is that we (black women) are just recently becoming 'publicly / openly' desirable in the eyes of men of other races. I speak for myself when I say it's upsetting to know my choices are limited. Why? Because I love black men. I've yet to meet a man who makes my blood boil like a black man. So it is a little upsetting to know that my brotha's have issues that they seemingly place blame on 'all sistas'. For example, putting the word Strong in front of black woman means she mouthy and won't humble herself at all to a black man. NOT TRUE. It's a bum rap that we don't deserve it.
FireFly offline
A1 · 4579 Forum Posts
April 26, 2006 at 5:32 PM
My definition of independance is being free-thinking, and emotionally and financially stable enough to pay my own way without being totally dependant on a man for my livelihood. Independance to me, is not leaning on someone else as a prop... but being a whole person - at least aiming to be.

I don't equate being independant to not needing a man. I do need (as well as want) a man. But I need and want a man who is a true partner and a relationship that is a 50-50 of combined effort and energy.

I don't need (or want) a man who wants a dependant woman, a woman who can't speak her mind, or an insecure control freak.

I also need to be needed, and I want my man to need to feel needed too.
.
ATLWHO offline
D5 · 2 Forum Posts
April 26, 2006 at 5:35 PM
ENOUGH ALREADY, EVER BROTHER ALWAYS SEEN TO COMPLAIN ABOUT BLACK WOMEN WANTING MONEY. WELL LET ME CLEAR THE RECORDS!!!!!!!!!MAN WORK FOR ONLY ONE THING TO SPEND MONEY ON WOMENS
ATLWHO offline
D5 · 2 Forum Posts
April 26, 2006 at 5:42 PM
I AGREEING WITH YOU .cussing this issue. It's really a mess. Brothers are calling in completely degrading Black women. One even had the audacity to say, "Brothers, if you want to be happy, go get you a white woman!"
Someone please help me understand. I commend our brothers who are taking strides to heal the Black community. To those who turn away in disgust, I just have one question~ How did the Black men in your lives treat your mothers and daughters? Did the Black women in your lives have a walk in the roses with their Black men, or did they go through a lot of drama at their hands? My point is, sisters have been tired of the drama for quite some time. If sisters were to drop our brothers simply based on bad experiences with Black men, there would be no issue today because sisters would've left long ago. I'll agree that you have your bad representations on each side...everyone has a valid story...but even in the midst of it all, I REFUSE to downgrade my Black men and say that ALL Black men are this or ALL Black men are that... That's ignorant because I haven't met ALL Black men.
I truly believe that most REAL Black women want a Black man who complements her. We should make each other better, not just exist together and settle for less than our potential. I look at my little cousin dating white females because they buy him cell phones and pay his bills. He barely graduated from high school and still bums off of his parents today. I have a family friend who talks to his white wife like she has a tail~ cheats on her~ comes and goes as he pleases~ She comes to us crying about it but continues to take it. These white females are okay with these unacceptable behaviors. They don't ask anymore of these guys and are satisfied with just halfway having them there. I'm sorry, but I can't settle for that. And when a good woman is wise enough to know that she deserves more, the man who doesn't want to do more cops out with the weak excuse that she's too uppity or she wants too much. It's even been suggested that those of us who are successful, educated Black women dumb down to get a man. Why? I find myself trying to hide some of my success because I've seen it make some Black men insecure. A lot of Black men end up trading down. Why is it so critical that some Black men have to have someone they view as less than them to feel like more of a man?[/QUOTE] yeah
Black Viking offline
A1 · 3009 Forum Posts
April 26, 2006 at 5:52 PM
quote:
Originally posted by tiredblkwoman:
My opinion of this skit was it was stupid because it really is not that simple.

Yes. It actually is just that simple!

Everything else you said here...

quote:
These days black men dont want the darker shaded black woman we are usually not pretty enough in their eyes. If your not light or white they dont want you. It it is a lie that all black women want material things from black men we are very capable of getting the things we want and need. There is nothing wrong with wanting a man to be a man and have a job. Its would be nice for us both to work togethor to move ahead in life. My problem with black men is that if a black woman does not have long hair or her skin is not light and she doesnt have alot of money then they dont give us the time of day but their real quick to call us ugly or put us down and have sex with us but will go out and find the fattest white trailor trash they can find and treat her like a queen and look down on us. I can only speak for myself but i'm a very intelligent black woman i'm average looking I make my own money and i'm not going to take care of a grown ass man when we can support each other. But a white girl will buy a black man anything he wants and allow him to sit on his ass at home just to keep him and because we black woman wont tolerate that then that makes us hard etc. That BS the skit shows a weak example of a black men because they are not taking care of their kids and not taking care of their responsibilities they need to show the real deal. We black woman are out here taking care of our children alone while they are sitting up under a white girl letting her take care of them instead they should be making a real man out of him and making his ass get a job and help her out as well as encouraging him to take care of his other kids and responsibilities. I could care less about these black men dating white women because I look at it like this thats less trash we have to deal with and not all black men are bad but I have come to see that white men are quicker to respect and truely love us when our own men should be doing that but black men you are really making fools out of yourselfs. Dont think us beautiful black woman are jealous of these white girls your with its actully funny. Some of you are weak so why not go to someone that will deal with your tired ass. From a beautiful independant black woman...

...is biased projection, and has nothing to do with the skit.

Damn... anyone still wondering where tired Black men come from? Roll Eyes
FireFly offline
A1 · 4579 Forum Posts
April 26, 2006 at 5:52 PM
some interesting points ATLWHO.

Just need to clarify that not ALL white women accept crap behaviour or buy their boys toys.

But I do find this comment of yours below quite interesting:

quote:
...find myself trying to hide some of my success because I've seen it make some Black men insecure. A lot of Black men end up trading down. Why is it so critical that some Black men have to have someone they view as less than them to feel like more of a man?

this is quite disturbing... and I doubt applies only to white women... as you've said, you tend to dumb-down... whereas mostly men have to known to do the opposite... get a show pony... please, what are the men's views about this?

btw: ATLWHO... what does that mean? Acronyms drive me crazy... I'll spend all day wondering... Big Grin
.
Black Viking offline
A1 · 3009 Forum Posts
April 26, 2006 at 5:55 PM
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
Will all the good black men in the house please step forward?... Just say "I" and introduce yourself... Big Grin

I...

quote:
Here's to us: beer

beer
lbarker offline
D5 · 5 Forum Posts
April 26, 2006 at 6:18 PM
Originally posted by LovNThySoul:

I'm not trying to offend, but if you are independent then why is there a need to speak of men that don't concern you? When i hear that and i've had other sistas clarify that when you say "independent" that means you don't need a man.

So if we aren't needed then why worry about us?



Originally posted by lbarker

LovNThySoul

Independent DOES mean we don't need a man. But it doesn't mean we don't want one. Yes, men are our concern because men are what we desire. If that were not the case the title of lesbian would apply. We are concerned with our black men because they are our optimal choice over the rest. We love you and you know it. Black men know they are preferred by black women and also desired by all other shades of women.

The difference is that we (black women) are just recently becoming 'publicly / openly' desirable in the eyes of men of other races. I speak for myself when I say it's upsetting to know my choices are limited. Why? Because I love black men. I've yet to meet a man who makes my blood boil like a black man. So it is a little upsetting to know that my brotha's have issues that they seemingly place blame on 'all sistas'. For example, putting the word Strong in front of black woman means she mouthy and won't humble herself at all to a black man. NOT TRUE. It's a bum rap that we don't deserve it.


FireFly/art_gurl

I agree with you to a point; everyone desires to be needed. But my point about needing a man (in response to LovNThySoul) was in regards to the actual necessities of life, e.g. needing air to breath. Sorry for the confusion. I wanted to portray that though he's been told by black women that independence means black men aren't needed; we concern ourselves with them because we 'want / desire' to.

My opinion differs with yours in that: The only man I ever need is God/Jesus/Holy Spirit. He put the desire for men in my heart. I don't need a man to provide 50% of anything because I'm 100% on my own. But yes I want him to, my desire is for him to be 100% himself & bring that to the table. Reason being that if either one of us should fall short (in any part of our relationship) there is enough to fill in the gap, metaphorically speaking, until the other can be made whole again. This is so neither person will feel that they are giving too much of themselves.

In response to ATLWHO
Man, we are not talking about money. And you know men work to spend money on their bills. Quit playen.
lbarker offline
D5 · 5 Forum Posts
April 26, 2006 at 6:36 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Black Viking:
quote:
Originally posted by tiredblkwoman:
[QUOTE].....Some of you are weak so why not go to someone that will deal with your tired ass. From a beautiful independant black woman...

...is biased projection, and has nothing to do with the skit.

Damn... anyone still wondering where tired Black men come from? Roll Eyes


nono bang Continuously trying to redeem ourselves but then... 17
qty226 offline
A1 · 1037 Forum Posts
April 27, 2006 at 5:25 AM
quote:
Originally posted by virtue:
quote:
Originally posted by LovNThySoul:
Just talkin about me here so....

I have always been attracted to darker skin women. ALWAYS. And i mean dark chocolate to light. It never has mattered to me. Most of the women i have dated were very, very chocolate.



I came back to the post and was like...

Did he say what I thought he said????

I just can't resist!

Qty! We've got a live one!



Virtue, Yesssssssssss!! cabbage

.....And he didnt just say chocolate, he said "dark" chocolate...

That be me!!! Big Grin


*Yes, this was soooooooo nice to hear!!!
Leftside8126 offline
D5 · 4 Forum Posts
April 27, 2006 at 6:06 AM
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
quote:
Originally posted by qty226:
quote:
Originally posted by HonestBrother:
Are you alright, qty? Is it my imagination or are you a little down?


Im stressing over finals.......i'll be fine. Frown



ther

You'll do well... Smile

(speaking of finals, I need to make out one...)



Brotha, you are absolutely correct in everything you've said. I don't care how much you bend over backwards to please them, they WILL still find something to complain about. As long as we as Black men keep our mouths shut when are mates don't meet expectations, all is well. But let US slip just a little bit,or stand up and question our mate about something (finances, they're friends, kids, etc) and all hell breaks loose with the attitude, and disrespect. Seems like a double standard to me. Your right, the Black man is to blame for everything that goes wrong in our relationships. Black women, all we want is to NOT be taken for granted, and be SHOWN that we are appreciated once in awhile. And yes, I am married to a beautiful BLACK woman, and I have not dated outside my race, but I will admit, I can totally identifiy with being a tired black man, even in my own marriage, cause I deal with the same drama........................
authentic one offline
D5 · 2 Forum Posts
April 27, 2006 at 1:30 PM
I think that we all need to realize that we are all tired. It is so amazing how we see so many faults in another person but never see the faults in ourselves. We need to realize that we are all the blame for the state of disfunction in black relationships. Black men and women need to understand that in order for us to have productive, honest, respectful and most importantly loving relationships we need to stop blaming one another and try to figure out a solution. Smile
MidLifeMan offline
A1 · 906 Forum Posts
April 27, 2006 at 1:44 PM
quote:
Originally posted by EbonyRose:
quote:
Originally posted by tiredblkwoman:
My opinion of this skit was it was stupid because it really is not that simple. These days black men dont want the darker shaded black woman we are usually not pretty enough in their eyes. If your not light or white they dont want you. It it is a lie that all black women want material things from black men we are very capable of getting the things we want and need. There is nothing wrong with wanting a man to be a man and have a job. Its would be nice for us both to work togethor to move ahead in life. My problem with black men is that if a black woman does not have long hair or her skin is not light and she doesnt have alot of money then they dont give us the time of day but their real quick to call us ugly or put us down and have sex with us but will go out and find the fattest white trailor trash they can find and treat her like a queen and look down on us. I can only speak for myself but i'm a very intelligent black woman i'm average looking I make my own money and i'm not going to take care of a grown ass man when we can support each other. But a white girl will buy a black man anything he wants and allow him to sit on his ass at home just to keep him and because we black woman wont tolerate that then that makes us hard etc. That BS the skit shows a weak example of a black men because they are not taking care of their kids and not taking care of their responsibilities they need to show the real deal. We black woman are out here taking care of our children alone while they are sitting up under a white girl letting her take care of them instead they should be making a real man out of him and making his ass get a job and help her out as well as encouraging him to take care of his other kids and responsibilities. I could care less about these black men dating white women because I look at it like this thats less trash we have to deal with and not all black men are bad but I have come to see that white men are quicker to respect and truely love us when our own men should be doing that but black men you are really making fools out of yourselfs. Dont think us beautiful black woman are jealous of these white girls your with its actully funny. Some of you are weak so why not go to someone that will deal with your tired ass. From a beautiful independant black woman...


Taffy...is that you??? Big Grin
Eek Eek
MidLifeMan offline
A1 · 906 Forum Posts
April 27, 2006 at 2:31 PM
quote:
I hear you, Huey. There is nothing I'd like better than to marry a black woman and spend the rest of my life with her.

But I'm tired of feeling that so many black women seem to think it's alright to openly express contempt for all of us brothas whether we individually merit it or not. I have too many battles to fight out in the world to put up with constantly fighting in my 'home' with my 'women kin' too.

Black women say they want to be treated like queens, to have men who understand their struggles, and to be cherished...

You know what?... Many of us brothas want the same ... Many of us - like the brotha in the video IMO - are worthy men who are deserving of respect from the black woman...

But we very very very rarely feel the love...

appl

I shared a story recently about a newly married friend of mines and one of my wives's who are having issues in their marriages. So my wife and I were having a discussion about this when the issues surrounding what I feel is "dominance" in a marriage and relationship comes up.

Many women want to play this "if I could rely on him to be the leader" or "he needs to step up" or "I don't want to have to make the decisions in the relationship " blah blah blah. But what really happens is that they are to busy fighting with their internal demons. The my daddy abused my momma demon, or my mother played the submissive to my unappreciative father demon, or the I gave my all to my college boyfriend who destroyed my self-esteem and left me for another woman demon, or my girlfriend is in a marriage with a domineering husband demon etc.

They are to busy with there "guard" up that when I man does step up as they say the want they are quick to be combative or plan stubborn trying to fight the demons which ends up being that WE have to fight the demons also.

No man or woman wants to deal with a bunch of drama day in and day out.

My marriage is a very good one. We have been married 3 years this year. We still have our ups and downs just like any other married couple.

But I'll share an example of what I mean.

When we were engaged, my wife and I took a cruise and during the cruise we took pictures. Mind you I HATE taking pictures. But I compromised and took pictures during the cruise.

We come home and she puts up one of the pictures on the entertainment center. After a few days of looking at the picture I tell her I don't like the picture and would she take it down. She ask why and I say I don't' think it is a good picture of me. Mind you we did have one small picture we took and she put it on the fireplace mantle AND we will be getting married at the end of the year and their will be lots of pictures for her to put up then. She doesn't accept my reason and says she won' take it down.

MIND YOU this is the same woman that when we talked about our home (actually the house is mine since it was my house before we were married and is still in my name even though I offered to put it in both names) she was very adamant about that she could not consider the house being ours but rather mines. I disagreed and still do to this day.

A few months later while driving I try to tell her the picture bothers me like snakes bother her. Her response is pictures don't hurt you snakes do. My response is pictures can hurt you emotionally if you don't like your looks and snakes don't always hurt you otherwise they wouldn't sell them in pet stores. She begrudgingly agreed to remove the pictures.

Now what could have happen is when I asked the first time and she refused I could have (and probably should have) took the picture down myself and put it away. What was she going to do – beat my ass? I don't think so.

But why should I have to get all ugly and down right ghetto with my wife to be over A SIMPLE REQUEST.

A neighbor who has know her since she was a baby summed it up...she is as stubborn as a door on its hinges. And the reason is...1) she gets it from her father and 2)BECAUSE of her fathers overbearing ways and the treatment of her mother.

So there are times I have to fight these demons...but it can be tiring
qty226 offline
A1 · 1037 Forum Posts
April 27, 2006 at 2:36 PM
quote:
Originally posted by authentic one:
I think that we all need to realize that we are all tired. It is so amazing how we see so many faults in another person but never see the faults in ourselves. We need to realize that we are all the blame for the state of disfunction in black relationships. Black men and women need to understand that in order for us to have productive, honest, respectful and most importantly loving relationships we need to stop blaming one another and try to figure out a solution. Smile




This is why i stopped posting in this thread..........i needed to evaluate myself, and my thoughts.

This was a nice post!! Smile
kolikole offline
D5 · 1 Forum Post
April 27, 2006 at 3:01 PM
Wow I just saw that clip for the first time after hearing so much about it. And my opinion is date who you wanna date based on character and personel interest thats what I say. I know I will cause being real about it if I ask out ten black women and they all tell me no and I happen to come across someone who wasn't black and said yes and we had a lot in common I'm taking it cause love waits on no one not even a black man or woman. ya dig
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