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A Tired Black Man
 

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Replies: 319
 
Chike offline
D5 · 1 Forum Post
May 3, 2006 at 4:55 AM
First of all, i'd like to remind us all that this is just a "skit", not even a movie but a skit. As such, i don't think we have to get all bent up about it or should we?
I have a couple of admissions to make. No, i'm not gay or on the down low...matter of fact, y'all will be all too surprised if you knew more about me. The first thing is this, the guy isn't good looking as alluded to by most of you. Second, i'm a black man who has dated just about as many white girls as black girls and i have to tell you this...everytime i'm with a white girlfriend, i can't seem to stop looking at black girls. And once i get an opportunity, i fly back to a sister. I don't think i've ever been faithful to a white woman, on the flip side, i've never been unfaithful to a sister. The difference with both relationships however is that with a white woman, you don't feel the "pressure". And let me tell you, with sisters, there's a million pressures you wonder how i could concentrate enough to caliberate them.
Pressure to 'look good' so she can have the best looking man in 'da club'. Pressure to get the high paying job so her man can drive the best car. Pressure to speak proper so our white neighbors won't think we're ghetto. Pressure go to church so we can network with other christians. And i could go on and on here.
Maybe this is why most black men date white women. I have yet to meet any of my boys (all players too) who doesn't want to marry a black girl, even the white ones. But do they want to date one? Hell No! All for the same reasons. We seem to have this illusion that when we're all played out, when we're ready to settle down, then we can put up with "the pressure". Well i have come to this revelation, will not happen. So as long as we continue to feel the pressure, run to a white girlfriend, then circl back to a sister for marriage, we'll continue to see such situations as in the skit.
Rowe makes a good point, there's gotta be something wrong with the dude to have the woman want to leave him after all that he's done. The house, car, upkeep and stuff. But that's not to say he's the only one with a fault. The sister's got one too. As long as we play the blame game, we will not solve the real problem. I know, i know, coming from a brother who dates white women for the same reason....well maybe i'm making that discovery as i write ( i think on the fly). Now what do we do? Talk about it. It's time to talk and talk candidly. For a change, lets jump outside and off the box (soap box) and say to eachother, how can i make it better. As long as we're honest, we can all exhale, breathe and live with eachother.
Pray for me!
19hulady13 offline
D4 · 13 Forum Posts
May 3, 2006 at 7:27 AM
That was a good post... and I think our healing starts with us all being real with ourselves FIRST and then each other. As women, we need to let go of a lot of the hurts of the past and check ourselves to see what we've done and what we can do to help the situation. And like you've done, maybe more brothers should really think about why they truly step out~ evaluate whether or not this pressure you speak of comes from a good Black woman or from your own pride. Call me an optimist, but I honestly believe the Black community can again become a force to be reckoned with~ if we start working together and stop allowing the media, statistics, and mainstream America tell us how to feel~ playing us against each other. We can physically be free from slavery, but as long as our minds are enslaved, we'll never be free...
EbonyRose offline
A1 · 16586 Forum Posts
May 3, 2006 at 7:57 AM
quote:
Originally posted by ddouble:
The next time you see a gentleman you are interested in, walk up to him, smile & introduce yourself. Engage him in light conversation for a few minutes, making frequent eye contact. Make sure your arms are not folded and position yourself at about 45 degrees to the man. At the end of conversation, give him a way to contact you.

You should be able to gauge his interest by how he reacts to your positioning. The open stance suggests that you're receptive. The 45 degree position relative to the guy forces him to turn his head or body to engage you (It also doesn't block him in like standing directly in front of a person does). As you occasionally reposition yourself, you should get a feel for interest based in how often he realigns positioning with you. IMO, you've covered all your bases and now the ball is in his court.


Wow!! That's great advice, ddouble! thanks for sharing!
HonestBrother offline
A1 · 9114 Forum Posts
May 3, 2006 at 8:05 AM
quote:
Originally posted by 19hulady13:
That was a good post... and I think our healing starts with us all being real with ourselves FIRST and then each other. As women, we need to let go of a lot of the hurts of the past and check ourselves to see what we've done and what we can do to help the situation. And like you've done, maybe more brothers should really think about why they truly step out~ evaluate whether or not this pressure you speak of comes from a good Black woman or from your own pride. Call me an optimist, but I honestly believe the Black community can again become a force to be reckoned with~ if we start working together and stop allowing the media, statistics, and mainstream America tell us how to feel~ playing us against each other. We can physically be free from slavery, but as long as our minds are enslaved, we'll never be free...



yeah
Girl Friday offline
C5 · 46 Forum Posts
May 4, 2006 at 4:34 AM
quote:
Originally posted by ddouble:
The next time you see a gentleman you are interested in, walk up to him, smile & introduce yourself. Engage him in light conversation for a few minutes, making frequent eye contact. Make sure your arms are not folded and position yourself at about 45 degrees to the man. At the end of conversation, give him a way to contact you.

You should be able to gauge his interest by how he reacts to your positioning. The open stance suggests that you're receptive. The 45 degree position relative to the guy forces him to turn his head or body to engage you (It also doesn't block him in like standing directly in front of a person does). As you occasionally reposition yourself, you should get a feel for interest based in how often he realigns positioning with you. IMO, you've covered all your bases and now the ball is in his court.


good advice Smile I can be a little shy approaching a guy i'm attracted to..but I find that a smile, eye contact, and a pleasant greeting goes a long way. It doesn't take much effort on my part and diffuses tension pretty quickly. Not to mention it tends to catch black men off-guard...which i find entertaining..lol.

I think some black women don't like to show obvious interest in a man because they feel like it makes them seem pressed or weakens them in some way. Or if he doesn't return the interest that they will be made to feel stupid.

I feel like a lot of that comes from insecurity...it's easy for a black woman in this culture to feel like she may not be pretty or desirable enough to warrant attention from a particular man.(maybe he doesn't like black women...is my hair not long enough? too nappy? am i too fat? not thick enough? maybe he doesn't like darkskinned women..etc, etc). So they wait on the main to make an obvious first move..(because if he wanted this he would step to me first right? i shouldn't have to do all the work to get some play). A lot of this cultural baggage can swirl in the back of our minds during what may seem to others to be a simple social exchange.

Self-love or a lack thereof is at the root of this issue in my view. I've focused on fully accepting and developing my inner self for a while now...and I'm not as shy to interact with men i meet day to day...because if I greet him and smile and he doesn't respond in a way I would like..it doesn't matter because it was still a good day to enjoy and smile about and I still love God and myself..I haven't lost anything.
LightSkinnedWonder offline
D5 · 1 Forum Post
May 4, 2006 at 12:59 PM
I have sympathy for Black Men. THey have deal with all the pressures (as listed by Chike). I love Black Men and many that I have met have at some point dealt with a White girl. SO what! If thats what you like, if thats what you want... then go for the gusto. you can't help who you love, what you are attracted to and damn sure can't help what turns you off!

As for Black women jumpin all over the BlackMan because of his choice of companion...stop that mess! Especially if you just see him on the street and don't know his story. He doesn't owe an explanation to anyone but that woman who he's with.
I am a Black woman but I'm not the kind that nags at the man. Perhaps my presence is overwhelming at times but constantly nagging, being negative, condescending and insensitive aint my style. If he chooses to leave me for ANY other woman it would hurt my feelings badly especially if I am holding up my end of the deal.
YOUNGBLACKCEO offline
D4 · 9 Forum Posts
May 4, 2006 at 3:01 PM
Man I'm getting so sick and tired of these tired movies whether it be Dairy of a Mad black Woman are this flick we are discussing today.
I find it interesting that neither of these movies are any of the other movies that share these same themes ever discuss the true reasons behind the anger, hurt and drama we have in our relationships.

As a people we have been missing the mark when it comes to effectively solving our problems.
A major reason for this is we get caught up with dealing with the syptoms instead of dealing with the root cause of the problems.
Just like in this film it seems that the brother and the sisters are all caught up with the syptoms.
In the movie he states how he has provided for his family and yet he still cannot come home to a peaceful house.
Now in all honesty that is a legitimate beef.
Now on the other hand the x-wife even afther the all of the things her husband has provided for her she still does not seemed to be satisfied and the other sisters seemed to have the same attitude.

Why is this you ask ?
I will ask the brothers because we tend to complain about our woman's attitude and I not going to deny it sisters can be difficult at times. But as I get older and understand the pychology of women more things are starting to make more sense to me.
Know any man that has been in a relationship with a woman for good amount of time knows that a woman will act out are give you attitude and you may not know what the h-ll is going on.
You maybe saying to yourself what is her problem I'm doing everything right as far as taking care of her needs and being responsible.
Know it may take months and even years for you to find out what the problem was.
I know for a fact because this has happened to me my ex-girlfriend was not happy with some of the things I was doing. No excuse me I should say for the things I was not doing with my professional life at the time.
You see I procrasinate sometimes and my girl was getting upset because she saw the potential I had in me and was upset that I was not fulfilling that potential.
Know she did not tell me this directly at the time but my point is this women have got to respect the men they are with and when they see potential in us and feel that we are not living up to that potential out of laziness are fear are a combination of both they are going to act out.

It does not matter how good of a job you have, are how much money you make and not even how responsible you are.
If a woman sees other potentials in you going unfulfilled she is going to respond.
Blackmen our women love us they truly do but they are disappointed in us. They don't admit it to us directly but they don't respect us in the true sense of the word.

Now in hearing that brothers we should not get upset and start pointing fingers trying to put the blame on one another.
Like I said before a woman has to respect her man and feel secure in his ability to protect her and their children.

Brothers we can get all riled up about some silly movie all we want.
Yeah, I hear some of you brothers jumping for joy because you think this is some movie to finally tell people how you feel.
I hear you crying I want peace in my house. I don't want no drama and if I have to go to other women that's what I will do.

We talk such a good game but have we as men created a world for our women where they don't have to deal with all the stress and drama of making a living?

Have we as Blackmen created a society where black women can just put there hair down and not have to worry about other groups of men disrespecting her are causing her and our children bodily harm?

Brothers want to disrespect sisters for the line of work they may have chose to be in. Yet have not developed anykind of economic structure and business structure to effectively support our women.
Our women go out into this world and have to deal with all kinds of BS.
RACISM, SEXISM, and a very hostile world that demeans her mental abilities and physical appearances.
She is not placed on a pedestal and given praises like white women not even by her own men.
Yet blackmen want to whine about how sexless she maybe at times.
We want her to be this superwoman we compare our women to other women yet we refuse to do for our women what other men do.

You want our women to cut the attitude and you want to kill all the drama in our relationships?
Then standup and be the men that our women know we can be.
Our women have attitudes because they are disappointed and tired.
She sitsback and watches us with all this potential and then let other men run our lives.

Until Blackmen decide to standup and take control of our resources and our communities.
Until we as men take back what is ours and develop the economies and government that can ensure our women survival then we are going to have to deal with women with attitudes.
These sisters are not going to be happy with us just getting some good jobs. And they shouldn't because you getting good jobs will not protect them and provide them with the security they need.

Brothers also us running into the arms of white women is not going to solve our problems.
In all honesty it will make them worse.
Just because these white woman are treating you better does not mean that they truly love you.
They may love you on and emotional level and some brothers are happy with that because they love white skin.
But if she truly loved you then why hasn't this love translated into you developing any real power as men.
Why hasn't your position in the world changed with her love and this also applies to the sisters with white men.

Could it be that the reasoning we are having all of the IR dating going on know is the fact that the personality that has developed in black people evolved into something that merely just compliments what white people think and believe?
__________________
Leftside8126 offline
D5 · 4 Forum Posts
May 4, 2006 at 6:43 PM (Last Edited: May 4, 2006 at 7:54 PM)
AAAAHHHH.........NO, Great points, and you may have just scored points with all the women, however I think you are WAY off base. Fact of the matter is, its not about what kind of world Black Men have created for our women, its about the world I create for MY woman....In this case, my wife, who is in fact pretty much an angry black woman.......... Perhaps you have never had to really deal with one of these types... Don't get me wrong, you ask some very valid questions, but frankly I care about how MY wife treats me,(regardeless of my so-called potential), and which I have found out by this whole "Angry Black Men" thing, is that I am not alone in this. That is the point you are missisng my friend. We good brothas, are finding out that we all have our stories when it comes to dealing with these women.
I mean, do you feel the same way about women and they're "Waiting to Exhale" moments and all the other films out there that portray Black men in a less than appealing light?????
No, I see this as therapy for us good brothas, a chance for our women to see how THEY'RE attitudes and drama demean and demoralize us, instead of simply giving us the peace and support that we deserve..
Brotha you have to understand that most of these women (my wife included) will never ever admit to being an angry black woman.. Especially if WE as they're men tell them that, that would only lead to more drama at home, and trust me, I know this first hand.... However, in the setting of a film, especially if well presented will have them saying, "wow I've said that, or acted that way, is that really me??? And then the dialogue can begin between us..............
LilMomma'sCookies offline
D5 · 1 Forum Post
May 4, 2006 at 9:45 PM
i just received the skit and just finished reading everyone's response. truth is that every relationship is different and both males and females can be at fault. there are alot of women who do have a reason to complain and alot of men doing the right thing by their families. however there are also alot of trifling sisters who dont know how to act when something good is in their face and alot of trifling men who do want to sit on their asses and be catered to as if were their mamas. point blank, you get what you put out. relationships are 50/50. if someone is not doing right by you, leave. if you choose to stay, then your asking for the drama and have no one to blame but yourself.
Girl Friday offline
C5 · 46 Forum Posts
May 5, 2006 at 3:40 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Leftside8126:
AAAAHHHH.........NO, Great points, and you may have just scored points with all the women, however I think you are WAY off base. Fact of the matter is, its not about what kind of world Black Men have created for our women, its about the world I create for MY woman....In this case, my wife, who is in fact pretty much an angry black woman.......... Perhaps you have never had to really deal with one of these types... Don't get me wrong, you ask some very valid questions, but frankly I care about how MY wife treats me,(regardeless of my so-called potential), and which I have found out by this whole "Angry Black Men" thing, is that I am not alone in this. That is the point you are missisng my friend. We good brothas, are finding out that we all have our stories when it comes to dealing with these women.
I mean, do you feel the same way about women and they're "Waiting to Exhale" moments and all the other films out there that portray Black men in a less than appealing light?????
No, I see this as therapy for us good brothas, a chance for our women to see how THEY'RE attitudes and drama demean and demoralize us, instead of simply giving us the peace and support that we deserve..
Brotha you have to understand that most of these women (my wife included) will never ever admit to being an angry black woman.. Especially if WE as they're men tell them that, that would only lead to more drama at home, and trust me, I know this first hand.... However, in the setting of a film, especially if well presented will have them saying, "wow I've said that, or acted that way, is that really me??? And then the dialogue can begin between us..............


interesting...

if you don't mind me asking...what do you think is at the root of your wife's angry behaviour? what do you think she actually wants from you? Would you ever consider counseling or talking to an objective party to help facilitate honest dialogue between the 2 of you?
BROWN SAND offline
D4 · 15 Forum Posts
May 7, 2006 at 7:26 AM
[B]I THINK THAT SCENE IS STUPID. WHAT R U TIRED OF? BLACK WOMEN R STRONG AND PUT UP WITH A LOT OF DUMB STUFF. WE LISTEN TO YOUR COMPLAINTS OF THE WHITE MAN. WE UNDERSTAND THE BLACK SPIDER WEB MADE ESPECIALLY FOR YOU. WE CARRY A HELL OF A LOAD. (YOU DAMN SURE CAN'T). WE DON'T NEED THE ONES WHO DON'T UNDERSTAND. GO HAVE YOUR WHITE WOMEN. BUT I'LL TELL YOU THIS MR. OJAY SIMPSON (SIMPLETON). COME AROUND HERE WITH ONE IN YOUR CAR TO PICK UP MY CHILD; THERE WILL BE A LYNCHING (YOUR BLACK AZZ) IN WEST PHILLY. RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE.......
LiveLovePoetry offline
D4 · 8 Forum Posts
May 7, 2006 at 2:14 PM
quote:
Originally posted by BROWN SAND:
[B]I THINK THAT SCENE IS STUPID. WHAT R U TIRED OF? BLACK WOMEN R STRONG AND PUT UP WITH A LOT OF DUMB STUFF. WE LISTEN TO YOUR COMPLAINTS OF THE WHITE MAN. WE UNDERSTAND THE BLACK SPIDER WEB MADE ESPECIALLY FOR YOU. WE CARRY A HELL OF A LOAD. (YOU DAMN SURE CAN'T). WE DON'T NEED THE ONES WHO DON'T UNDERSTAND. GO HAVE YOUR WHITE WOMEN. BUT I'LL TELL YOU THIS MR. OJAY SIMPSON (SIMPLETON). COME AROUND HERE WITH ONE IN YOUR CAR TO PICK UP MY CHILD; THERE WILL BE A LYNCHING (YOUR BLACK AZZ) IN WEST PHILLY. RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE.......


You may think the scene is stupid because, judging from your post, you are the EXACT type of black woman that many of these men are talking about.

You say you don't need the ones who don't understand. Well, you're missing the point sweetheart, there is a great percentage of us that don't understand. What about the good brothers that don't "complain" about the white man (READ:racism, glass ceilings, and institutional clauses), the ones that are successfully navigating through the "spider web", and the one's who carry not only our own load but yours too?!?!?! Why do we deserve to be browbeat for petty things, psychologically castrated for making our own moves, and constantly loaded down with all sorts of other dead weight/baggage you're carrying? (READ: that chip on your shoulder.)

I love black women. Lord knows I do. My ex, whom I love dearly, is an angry black woman. One who I struggled with and am still struggling with trying to realize the fruits of our labor. While I have not resorted to dating outside of my race, I have seen firsthand how frustrating it is to deal with a woman who can always see your faults and never see your good traits.

WE must understand that WE need each other. Drop the whole "I don't need a ni&&a for anything" schtick. It eventually becomes a self fulfilling bitter prophecy. Love US. (READ:Black Men and yourselves)
BROWN SAND offline
D4 · 15 Forum Posts
May 7, 2006 at 3:04 PM
ok..first u know nothing about me. if i give my opinion i am called angry (typical for the navigator). second..don't get navigator confused with emulator...at the end of the cruise captain...your still a nigger. you have escaped the "black spider web" because you do not see it. if u r black, male and in America u r a part of it. (please educate your sons).
as far "good men" not complaining...complaints don't make u a bad man...captain. there is nothing wrong with venting...r u one of those that grin all day. go home and take it out on your "angry black woman". we r not born angry.
shyt happens...and if we stay angry with u. it is something you did. as far as carrying the black womens'load....captain u would crash, burn and your teenie, weenie, peenie would drop off......ok? sweetheart
France1 offline
D5 · 2 Forum Posts
May 7, 2006 at 3:47 PM
interracial dating, it's been around longer that you think, I'm African-American, however, my grandma was a Saxon, where did she get a name like that? My mom and her siblings totaled four - three girls, one boy, my mom was the only one who dated and married an African-American. My mom's sisters married immigrants, Gomez and Fernandez. And the boy married, Native American.

How many women have gone the EXTRA Lengths for these black men, and for this writer/director to say that black men are just "Tired"...oh they're tired for sure, but not because they can't find a black woman who doesn't have GFE (Girl Friend Experience).

I guess any excuse will do. Now black women are just combative & argumentative, Oh is that on top of having to sort between which one of these brothers are on the DownLow and which one is not.

Girlfriends...What's good for the Goose will always be Good for the Gander, In the Men's Dating Department, TRY 'Something Different' yourself, afterall there's six billion people on the planet.
BROWN SAND offline
D4 · 15 Forum Posts
May 7, 2006 at 5:19 PM
can not do...love my african american man too much...grandmoms' name is a slave name..we all have them. i don't understand the point...help me.
LiveLovePoetry offline
D4 · 8 Forum Posts
May 7, 2006 at 9:03 PM
quote:
Originally posted by BROWN SAND:
ok..first u know nothing about me. if i give my opinion i am called angry (typical for the navigator). second..don't get navigator confused with emulator...at the end of the cruise captain...your still a nigger. you have escaped the "black spider web" because you do not see it. if u r black, male and in America u r a part of it. (please educate your sons).
as far "good men" not complaining...complaints don't make u a bad man...captain. there is nothing wrong with venting...r u one of those that grin all day. go home and take it out on your "angry black woman". we r not born angry.
shyt happens...and if we stay angry with u. it is something you did. as far as carrying the black womens'load....captain u would crash, burn and your teenie, weenie, peenie would drop off......ok? sweetheart


I'm amused by your rant.

I have absolutely no problem with women voicing their opinion. I don't think it's angry, I think it's long overdue. HOWEVER, when you attack black men by making BROAD,GENERALIZED statements you are doing yourself a great disservice to yourself (I'm sure you consider yourself a "so called" good sister) as well as black men.

I'm highly aware of my place in society as a black man. I live it, you talk about it. I go to a PWI and am very active in educating not only my peers but the poor and disenfranchised in the nearby community as well as their children. (I'm Black Student Union President and a Volunteer at a local high school in a program I started) I've probably dealt with more racism (face to face and institutional) than many will have to deal with in a lifetime. Yet, I strive to achieve in spite of (THAT is navigation my sister.

I vent quite often. Check my website (www.7soul.com)I have no reason to take anything out on my woman, I was raised by a truly strong black woman and a strong grandmother.

Don't make assumptions about the load I carry. You have no idea...I could begin to tell you, but it wouldn't help you any...

You seem a little bitter. Maybe you should try to get to the root of your own issues with black men and your politics of victimization as opposed to shouting us down.

Suggested reading: "When Chickenheads Come Home To Roost" by Joan Morgan.
Black Viking offline
A1 · 3009 Forum Posts
May 7, 2006 at 10:17 PM
quote:
Originally posted by LiveLovePoetry:
I'm highly aware of my place in society as a black man. I live it, you talk about it.

yeah tfro
BROWN SAND offline
D4 · 15 Forum Posts
May 8, 2006 at 6:04 AM
my opinion about flaunting white women is not an attack on the black man. i have a right to voice that opinion without being attacked by you. i will give that opinion any time i want..
it's your problem if u don't like it...you are not only stuck on your own self importance. you also seem to be educated beyond your intelligence. you say u were raised by strong black women...boys need men. to teach them to be men. a woman can do a fine job but she does not know what it is to be a man...real men\donot attack women. cowards do. being male is one thing....being a man is another.
as far as dealing with racism. you just got here. you have not seen the R in racism. you need to find a black man mentor. you need to learn what you don't know. be careful not to allow your female tendacies to show..don't attack women, young man. verbally or otherwise. you mentioned a book "chicken heads coming home to roost. i laughed at that...let me refer you to a song..........it's an old song
i forgot the songwriters name...but the title is

JIMMY GOT A LITTLE BIT OF BYTCH IN HIM.
BROWN SAND offline
D4 · 15 Forum Posts
May 8, 2006 at 6:18 AM
quote:
Originally posted by BROWN SAND:
my opinion about flaunting white women is not an attack on the black man. i have a right to voice that opinion without being attacked by you. i will give that opinion any time i want..
it's your problem if u don't like it...you are not only stuck on your own self importance. you also seem to be educated beyond your intelligence. you say u were raised by strong black women...boys need men. to teach them to be men. a woman can do a fine job but she does not know what it is to be a man...real men\donot attack women. cowards do. being male is one thing....being a man is another.
as far as dealing with racism. you just got here. you have not seen the R in racism. you need to find a black man mentor. you need to learn what you don't know. be careful not to allow your female tendacies to show..don't attack women, young man. verbally or otherwise. you mentioned a book "chicken heads coming home to roost. i laughed at that...let me refer you to a song..........it's an old song
i forgot the songwriters name...but the title is

JIMMY GOT A LITTLE BIT OF BYTCH IN HIM.
dance
BROWN SAND offline
D4 · 15 Forum Posts
May 8, 2006 at 6:18 AM
quote:
Originally posted by BROWN SAND:
my opinion about flaunting white women is not an attack on the black man. i have a right to voice that opinion without being attacked by you. i will give that opinion any time i want..
it's your problem if u don't like it...you are not only stuck on your own self importance. you also seem to be educated beyond your intelligence. you say u were raised by strong black women...boys need men. to teach them to be men. a woman can do a fine job but she does not know what it is to be a man...real men\donot attack women. cowards do. being male is one thing....being a man is another.
as far as dealing with racism. you just got here. you have not seen the R in racism. you need to find a black man mentor. you need to learn what you don't know. be careful not to allow your female tendacies to show..don't attack women, young man. verbally or otherwise. you mentioned a book "chicken heads coming home to roost. i laughed at that...let me refer you to a song..........it's an old song
i forgot the songwriters name...but the title is

JIMMY GOT A LITTLE BIT OF BYTCH IN HIM.
bigddouble offline
A1 · 3174 Forum Posts
May 8, 2006 at 7:22 AM
I'm curious Brown Sand:

  • When did the man in the clip "flaunt" his white woman?

  • If "real" men do not attack women, does that mean that "real" women have carte blanche to say or do anything they desire to a man, a Black man in particular? Does a "real" woman have an obligation not to attack men?

  • What is "female" about LiveLovePoetry's last statement?

  • Isn't it possible that the woman in this story actually caused the friction? Do you believe women are never at fault? Is a woman's anger always a brother's fault?

    hat
    • BROWN SAND offline
    D4 · 15 Forum Posts
    May 8, 2006 at 7:43 AM
    the man in the clip did not have to bring the woman...he should know his wife. he knew what her response would be before he did it. no, women do not have to right to attack any man. but there r men who will not strike back. he will walk away. he understands his power and his strength. he will not verbally attack you, because he knows how to remain a real man. i called the poet female because he whines....of cousre not it is not always the mans'fault...sometimes it is the woman at fault. sometimes it's both....sometimes people r just not compatible. nobodys' fault....RIF indeed..i was read to every night as a child. i still enjoy reading. my mother was a very educated woman. don't assume. make an ass out of u before me. ok.......now i am curious...r u poets' case worker?
    BROWN SAND offline
    D4 · 15 Forum Posts
    May 8, 2006 at 7:49 AM
    rock
    LiveLovePoetry offline
    D4 · 8 Forum Posts
    May 8, 2006 at 7:55 AM
    quote:
    Originally posted by BROWN SAND:
    my opinion about flaunting white women is not an attack on the black man. i have a right to voice that opinion without being attacked by you. i will give that opinion any time i want..
    it's your problem if u don't like it...you are not only stuck on your own self importance. you also seem to be educated beyond your intelligence. you say u were raised by strong black women...boys need men. to teach them to be men. a woman can do a fine job but she does not know what it is to be a man...real men\donot attack women. cowards do. being male is one thing....being a man is another.
    as far as dealing with racism. you just got here. you have not seen the R in racism. you need to find a black man mentor. you need to learn what you don't know. be careful not to allow your female tendacies to show..don't attack women, young man. verbally or otherwise. you mentioned a book "chicken heads coming home to roost. i laughed at that...let me refer you to a song..........it's an old song
    i forgot the songwriters name...but the title is

    JIMMY GOT A LITTLE BIT OF BYTCH IN HIM.


    Thanks for once agproving my point. You're doing a great job...

    I didn't attack you. You went straight on the defensive when I began making a counterpoint to your obviously flawed argument. I understand you have a right to voice your opinion. I am only exercising my same right. It's not a really a problem for me that I don't like it, I'm just trying to provide you with another side of the argument. THE BLACK MALE SIDE THAT YOU ARE TRYING SO HARD TO NOT SEE AND DISCREDIT!

    I'm not stuck on my own self importance at all, I was just telling you how your blanket statements DO NOT apply to all black men. Your broad sweeping generalizations, as I said before, hurt not only black men but yourself as well. (Plus, it weakens your argument and makes you sound narrow-minded)

    I was raised in a two parent household with a strong, god-fearing black man who instilled respect in me. Since we were talking in the context of black women, I only felt the need to speak of my mother and grandmother. My father raised me to be a man and approach all situations as such. He raised me to respect womanhood to the highest level. If you felt attacked by anything I said, it's obviously because you were already defensive/bitter/shortsighted/etc. I have addressed you with nothing less than respect sister.

    I've also had a black male mentor in Amilcar Shabazz. An African American Studies professor at my university.

    YOUR POINT HAS BEEN UTTERLY NEGATED. If you think everyone else is the problem you honestly need to check yourself. It is "eternally victimized" and bitter sisters like you that make it hard for other females to love black men the way they want to. Sister, don't read this as an attack, your refusal to debate this intelligently and focus on attacking black men (READ:PhrozenGenius and other board members) shows that you are bitter and are "eternally victimized". Stop throwing a pity party and move forward.

    FYI: "When Chickenheads Come Home To Roost" is not a shot at you. IT IS AN ACTUAL BOOK. IT was written by a self proclaimed "Hip Hop Feminist" to break down relationship issues within the black community.

    I won't even touch your statement about my so-called "bitch tendendcies" or "female tendencies" as you say. Number one, I'm above name calling and generalizations. Number two, a wounded animal always fights dirty...take it for it's aesthetic value and not what you want to twist it into.

    Thank you. God Bless.
    LiveLovePoetry offline
    D4 · 8 Forum Posts
    May 8, 2006 at 7:57 AM
    quote:
    Originally posted by BROWN SAND:
    the man in the clip did not have to bring the woman...he should know his wife. he knew what her response would be before he did it. no, women do not have to right to attack any man. but there r men who will not strike back. he will walk away. he understands his power and his strength. he will not verbally attack you, because he knows how to remain a real man. i called the poet female because he whines....of cousre not it is not always the mans'fault...sometimes it is the woman at fault. sometimes it's both....sometimes people r just not compatible. nobodys' fault....RIF indeed..i was read to every night as a child. i still enjoy reading. my mother was a very educated woman. don't assume. make an ass out of u before me. ok.......now i am curious...r u poets' case worker?


    YOU ARE CONTRADICTING YOURSELF!
    If you continue to display your ignorance and disrespect me I will attack you. I've tried to debate the issues and facts within the context of your argument. Don't make this personal. You will not win....
    bigddouble offline
    A1 · 3174 Forum Posts
    May 8, 2006 at 8:08 AM
    quote:
    Originally posted by BROWN SAND:
    the man in the clip did not have to bring the woman...he should know his wife. he knew what her response would be before he did it. no, women do not have to right to attack any man. but there r men who will not strike back. he will walk away. he understands his power and his strength. he will not verbally attack you, because he knows how to remain a real man. i called the poet female because he whines....of cousre not it is not always the mans'fault...sometimes it is the woman at fault. sometimes it's both....sometimes people r just not compatible. nobodys' fault....RIF indeed..i was read to every night as a child. i still enjoy reading. my mother was a very educated woman. don't assume. make an ass out of u before me. ok.......now i am curious...r u poets' case worker?


    It was his ex-wife. Having someone in his car that does not interact with her in any way is not disrespect. Perhaps, the ex-wife should have practiced some restraint.

    Voicing a concern as a Black man is now considered whining? Curious indeed... Confused

    I made no assumptions - if you are refering to RIF, it is part of my signature, not a specific remark to you. I'm not anyone's case worker, I just had a few questions. You answered them, so I'm good. I'll assume your jab at me was a misunderstanding and leave at that, OK? nono
    19hulady13 offline
    D4 · 13 Forum Posts
    May 8, 2006 at 8:10 AM
    I know there are a lot of us here who really want to see the lines of intelligent and honest communication opened. Like LLP said, perhaps the attitudes we get with one another are one of the roots of our problems. Sometimes we have to just agree to disagree and bow out gracefully and peacefully. No one has the exact same experiences, so we can all stand to learn something from each other...
    BROWN SAND offline
    D4 · 15 Forum Posts
    May 8, 2006 at 9:03 AM
    LLP...go back, read our first communication and tell me what u think? did u attack me? did I offend u? now here we are....black attack 14
    me insulting u and u insulting me..two cyberspace strangers who really know nothing about the other...but we are at war. you say i will lose. what will u gain?.....
    BROWN SAND offline
    D4 · 15 Forum Posts
    May 8, 2006 at 9:10 AM
    thank you. u r so right...your posting made me rethink my attitude toward LLP. God always sends someone to help us. for me today it was you. thanks
    LiveLovePoetry offline
    D4 · 8 Forum Posts
    May 8, 2006 at 10:19 AM
    quote:
    Originally posted by BROWN SAND:
    LLP...go back, read our first communication and tell me what u think? did u attack me? did I offend u? now here we are....black attack 14
    me insulting u and u insulting me..two cyberspace strangers who really know nothing about the other...but we are at war. you say i will lose. what will u gain?.....


    I don't think I attacked you. I'd rather use the term "challenge" you. I challenged you on your views about black men. That was my aim.

    I was not offended at all, nor am I at war with you. I am debating a topic intelligently with some one.

    If you are saying we should agree to disagree then so be it, but my points still stand.
    BROWN SAND offline
    D4 · 15 Forum Posts
    May 8, 2006 at 11:03 AM
    ok..i do agree to disagree. but LLP you really don't know my views on Black men. only my view on bringing a white woman to my door. on that i stand...i don't mind a challenge and don't mind a debate. and because i know better, i apologize to you....my remarks to u were unfair and unkind..really mean. embrace my humble apology. and to you i wish the best......
    France1 offline
    D5 · 2 Forum Posts
    May 8, 2006 at 7:39 PM
    Oh and by the WAY....Neyo...Thinks it's soooo damn SEXY...when we're MAD !!!!

    Thanks NEYO
    Music4fun offline
    D3 · 17 Forum Posts
    May 8, 2006 at 7:50 PM
    Wow! You guys HAVE GOTSTABE talking about some interesting stuff to have me glued to this computer past work hours reading all the comments! haha.. Today was my first hearing about/seeing this movie clip. When I saw it, I guess I took it for what it was and really didn't read much into it..it didn't evoke emotion one way or the other. Now that I've read all of the opinions, I guess I'm divided.

    I don't know what the circumstances were, who was at fault, how long they'd been divorced or whatever the case. One fallacy I see on her part is that she's allowing her female friends to influence her behavior, to lose her dignity acting a fool with this man. I wonder what the scene would have been like had she been alone without folks egging her on. If feelings were still there (or maybe if they're not there, but if she's still alone), there might be some hurt/resentment, but she may have handled it better. Though he has every right to have whoever he wants in the car, I can also see ... well I guess I can't.. unless it's really not over for her.

    BTW, I'm not a man, in case I've confused you 20. I've been in failed relationships, have been hurt, and could act a big fool, but I refused to allow the devil to have that kind of power in my life. Instead, I've taken a closer, unbiased look at those failed relationships to see my failures as well as his. I can't do anything about his, but I certainly can improve on me so that when I go into a new relationship, I don't have the emotional baggage of what the other one did to me.. Until we all start having self-accountability, the problems will continue. None of us are perfect (male/female).. we've been shaped by childhoods, experiences.. life! As such, if we haven't recognized our flaws and continue to propogate that negative behavior, the money/status that either person brings to the table doesn't mean a thing. A man/woman can be providing all that, but if he/she got deep issues, it'll negate all that positive. I'll personally take peace of mind any day over all this stuff.

    Ladies, don't think I'm dumping on us. I'm not. It's just that I'm a woman, so that's the only real perspective I can speak from (with knowledge that is). In listening to some of "our" conversations I hear in passing, I'm just floored at the mindset.. gotta know what kind of car/house/job before he's worthy of our time.. And funny thing is, these are usually the women most men flock to. I've often joked I guess I need to be a witch with a "b" in my next relationship for it to be successful..haha.. but naw.. I'm gonna stick to me..she's a'ight..I'm being patient as God designs my helpmate. In the meantime, I'm continuing to do my thing (which, guys, I'm told is an intimidation factor.. a reason why "single" guys don't approach me.. go figure! hahaa). Just can't win! daz
    cakeaholic offline
    C3 · 68 Forum Posts
    May 8, 2006 at 8:14 PM
    [QUOTE]Originally posted by Music4fun

    conversations I hear in passing, I'm just floored at the mindset.. gotta know what kind of car/house/job before he's worthy of our time.. /QUOTE]

    How refreshing to hear a woman say that Smile
    Black Viking offline
    A1 · 3009 Forum Posts
    May 8, 2006 at 8:16 PM
    quote:
    Originally posted by cakeaholic:
    quote:
    Originally posted by Music4fun

    conversations I hear in passing, I'm just floored at the mindset.. gotta know what kind of car/house/job before he's worthy of our time..


    How refreshing to hear a woman say that Smile

    I agree. I suppose wonders will never cease. lol
    Music4fun offline
    D3 · 17 Forum Posts
    May 9, 2006 at 4:55 AM
    Haha.. like I said, guys, I'm just talking from the female perspective.. all of us are not like that. So don't get too happy.. some of ya'll need yo' behinds whooped too! spank .. oh, could i tell some stories..... oh well, I'll have to bash ya'll later.. gotta go earn my days pay so I can continue to have access to you crazy (that was said with love now..) people! laugh
    LifeofaPrep offline
    D5 · 1 Forum Post
    May 9, 2006 at 5:42 AM
    It was interesting to see how back and forth this topic has gone. What's funny to me is that if this clip was to be flipped( as in most cases)most of the women would have been extreamly supportive of it but since it highlighted the fact that it's the woman's fault sometimes that a man opts to be with a woman of another race, it caused an uproar. Look ladies we know that it's mostly the man's ,lack there of, for relationships to fail, but let us men enjoy the fact that as women you can be the cause of our actions, and if that be choosing to be with a woman of another race than so be it.
    rippleyaliens offline
    D5 · 4 Forum Posts
    May 9, 2006 at 1:36 PM
    I read over alot of the pages. And i noticed a definite trend.
    With reguards to the movie/ skit. Whether he showed up with a white woman or not, that isnt the point. The woman stayed in the car anyway. Disrespect the sister in what way???

    Myself as a black man, i have to deal with this everyother weekend. When i pick up my children. Who am i, i am just a simple man, a Network Engineer by trade, making over 80k. BUT my ex wife, with her friends, just seem like the movie to a tee. She put me through garbage, for of all things, a Guy, who claimed he was in a Tactical unit for the Sherifs of our town. (Any service members know that line).. So she disrupted our family, for what, to get her but beat on, cussed out, he has her dancing at a strip joint to pay the bills. My kids suffer. etc........

    Fast forward, myself, i am A TIRED BLACK MAN, who went the interracial route. I hear the thunder everytime i pick up my kids. At first i would respect my EX wife, but still, Drama. So i would purposely bring my NON-Black girlfriend to the house to pick up my kids..

    MY answer is simple.. Every black man wants it,
    CANT I BE HAPPY TOO?????

    Now when a good answer is presented to me by a black woman, on why i cant be happy, why i should not choose happiness, versus drama filled.. I will change my mind, until then, i just dont see it happening.. Generations of anger, GREED, competitiveness , Scheeming. ON both sides of the sexes.. But too many innocents get caught in the middle. Happiness is what we want, and if it is on the white side, then that must be right.....
    rippleyaliens offline
    D5 · 4 Forum Posts
    May 9, 2006 at 1:47 PM
    but as a nerd, lets do the math.
    Blacks make up 15% of americas citizens.
    15% hispanic., 15% other, and 55% white..
    So with 100 women, we got 15 black 15 hispanic, 15 asian/eurpoean,arabian. etc... and 55 white..

    now out of 15 black women, in the 21-31 bracket, how many 1. Got jobs, 2, no kids, 3, a education.
    even 30% is 4 women.. now we got 85 other women to look at.. You do the math.. TECHNICALLY..
    There are more other women, in the world, that probably have the same attitudes, But since it is a different lifestyle, it is different.

    Me dating a white women, you best believe, i have had to cuss out many a woman, both BLACK AND WHITE.. verus, i have only had 1 problem with 1 black male being uptight about me with a white woman. And he was gay, so i count it, but rarely consider it.

    Happiness... is the key.. I tried being focused on a black woman, but to no avail, the ones i thought were good to go, definetly werent. The ones who were tight, you know making over 40k a year, looked down on me, like i should be making double what they make ( which i do, but that is my concern).....

    All these rap stars with the negative attitude toward black women,, now how in the world do they come up with those things.. Are they all just making it up, or is there a pattern there..
    To my black woimen,, out there..
    IF you cant run with the big dogs,
    either stay on the porch, or figure out what you are doing wrong.. But dont blame us men, for trying to be HAPPY.. We are already free, now happiness is what we want.
    19hulady13 offline
    D4 · 13 Forum Posts
    May 9, 2006 at 1:55 PM
    "Happiness is what we want, and if it is on the white side, then that must be right....."

    For some, perhaps ignorance is bliss. But when you turn to another race thinking that that race alone can provide happiness, there's an inner problem. We've gone back and forth on this, and both sides have valid arguments. Heck, I'm an attractive, young, educated Christian Black woman making 90k+ every year~ no kids~ 2 cars~ had my 1st house built at 23...love life, live drama- free... and just like you complain that your wife left you for something less, TRUST ME, it goes both ways. I could easily just turn my head and say that it's not worth trying with my own anymore, but I'm stronger than that. There's no love like strong Black love, and I stand firm on that. I say this just to say that your case is not a special case. Just as you may feel you're a quality brother, there are plenty of quality sisters out here, too. That's been established. And there will be folks on both sides who still choose to cop out, but the real issue, for those of us who KNOW how beautiful Black families are, is how do we get where we need to be?
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