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B5 |
My husband and I went to a party at a mutual friends home, where we ran into one of his ex-girlfriends. Let me say this woman does not like me at all! She can't stand me because for some reason or another she thought I had something to do with their break-up over TWO YEARS ago, which I guess indirectly I did since about a month or so after they broke up we started our relationship again. Anyway she came over to say hi to him and acted as if I weren't there. But I let that slide and asked her how she was. This ... woman looked at me rolled her eyes and moved to stand in between my husband and myself basically trying to bump me out of the conversation. Now I was tempted to do some rude things, but instead I excused myself and went to talk to a few friends. Now I may not have been over there, but I was watching her like a hawk. She seemed very friendly the way she was all smiles and touching on his arm and trying to hug up to him. I was doing good keeping my cool though the women I had been talking to were telling me to go over there and check her, but I didn't. I felt that shouldn't have to, my husband should have seen that I was uncomfortable with her all in his face. He should have put that space there. I may have appeared to be all calm but I was pissed off and I know that it showed in my eyes when I looked at him because he came over to where I was. I was not trying to talk to him at all. I guess the tension was obvious because everyone kind of left the area where we were. But I don't do public scenes no matter how upset I am, so I didn't want to talk about it. I'm still a little upset now not because of her, I could careless about her. What has me still ticked off is the way he handled things. I felt disrespected by him! Why would you allow another woman to come between you and your wife? And why would you allow this same woman to straight up disrespect your wife in your face
 ? I can't understand that! So for that reason I'm not really speaking to him. He says I'm being childish because I won't talk to him. But I told him why I was upset, he's the one who acting like he doesn't understand why that would upset me. Am I being childish? Nope, don't answer that because I know I am a little bit, but I don't care. He shouldn’t have allowed her, his ex, to straight disrespect me like she did. I never would allow an ex to treat him the way that broad did me. Am I handling this wrong? Am I indeed over reacting and being childish? This is the second day of this argument and we do argument like this, this situation is not one I want to ever participate in again. So someone please help.~~Dream big...because any other way is a waste of time!!~~ |
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C1 |
ok, whose turn is it to apologize (recalling the other thread)
on the real, it seems you wanted him to handle it as you would have handled it, which isn't necessarily fair. After all, were it an ex-boyfriend, you probably wouldn't have wanted him barging in (unless it was needed, right?) He probably was about decreasing the drama, just as you'd have been, so you have to let him handle it his way. How long was it before he came over to you? Were it me, I would have immediately asked something of you in the conversation to let the woman know that you were going to be a part of any conversation yall was about to have, but that's me. |
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B5 |
It's my turn to apologize...that's why I'm not saying anything 
Granted it was only a few minutes, no more than ten maybe. ~~Dream big...because any other way is a waste of time!!~~ |
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Bad Mother Fucker |
Two questions, 1. Would it have mattered if it was some other woman and not his ex? and 2. What is "not talking to him" going to solve?
I mean, if you can't say: "Look, what happened the other night made me feel as though I was being disrespected and I did not appreciate how you handled the situation..." then what is it that you have? If every time something comes up like this you "bury you head in the sand" what will that accomplish? Say what you gotta say and move on... I agree that he handled the situation poorly, but that does not mean that he can't learn from it... but if you use your "right to remain silent" what is he going to get from it? The bottom line is that your husband came back to you... The rest does not matter... Life is too short to sweat the small stuff... Peace, AudioGuy ************************************************* "I am African, not because I was born in Africa; but because Africa was born in me" -Anonymous "The cost of Liberty is less than the cost of repression." -W.E.B. DuBois, John Brown 1909 "... can you imagine Doobie in yo' funk??!!" -G. Clinton Sense is far from COMMON! ... The tragic irony here is that a lot of African Americans may not fully recognize the implications of this decision for years to come. Stop by any barbershop, barbeque or church basement in Black America and you will hear – with distressing frequency – that old canard that "integration" ruined the Black community. William Jelani Cobb ************************************************* |
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B5 |
I get what you're saying. I have moved past this after talking to my cousin and seeing that I was in fact being a little childish and that I needed to grow up. So at about two yesterday moring I made amends and said what I had to say. He said he knew it had something to do with that and he was sorry... Anyway things are pretty much better in my house... but thank you audioguy because that what you said gave me something to think about still. And you are right life is too short to sweat the little stuff.
~~Dream big...because any other way is a waste of time!!~~ |
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C2 |
I’m glad to hear that everything is cool between you and your husband HOWEVER I think you were right to have been upset. And furthermore, I don’t think that you were being childish for not speaking to your husband for a minute. Proverbs 21:23- says that “Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles.â€
By not speaking to your husband while you were really upset probably prevented things being said in anger that perhaps you would have later regretted. Now back to your old man…I think what he should have done was try and put himself in your position. If a man that you had been intimate with at one time approached you without so much as acknowledging him, he would have probably been angry and hurt too. His ex blatantly disrespected you. He should have put her in check and walked away. She’s his ex for a reason. Nothing that she had to say could have been that important. In any event, it’s over now. If it happens in the future hopefully he will handle things differently. |
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B5 |
Thank you! That is what I was trying to get him to understand! Oh my goodness, I was not alone. Anyway this is done and over with, but thank you so much for understanding my view point. ~~Dream big...because any other way is a waste of time!!~~ |
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A1 |
I think we all can agree that your husband handled the situation poorly, for whatever reason, e.g., his wanting to keep down the drama, his being oblivious to how you were feeling, etc.
I think we also can agree that your feeling were hurt that he handled it in the way he did [or didn't handle it]. Would I call your feelings childish, no; but as A.G. pointed out, the silent treatment was/is ... well ... kind of childish. Us men get that when we get the silence treatment, you are pissed with us for some reason; but generally, we have no idea what it is/was that set it off. But at the same time, Us men ... We're tired/get tired of trying to guess. So, we generally approach your silence as if it's not important enough for you to give voice to, it's not important enough for us to worry about or attempt to correct. Us men have no problem with you saying "I'm pissed about the way you handled last night". We even have no problem with [after we figure out what you're pissed about] you not wanting to discuss it. What Us men have major problems with is your allowing your anger over some fathom wrong to carry over into all other areas in our lives together, i.e., the silence treatment. Bottomline, tell us what's on your mind ... what got you pissed and generally, we will try not to do it again. But don't tell us why you're pissed [enough times], and I can guarantee that we will stop caring why you're pissed. We will merely seek shelter until you get past it and life returns to normal. |
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Bad Mother Fucker |
But... But... How can he understand your point if it's in... invisible ink?? Seriously, I am glad that everything has been worked out between you two!! Keep those lines of communication open!! Peace, AudioGuy ************************************************* "I am African, not because I was born in Africa; but because Africa was born in me" -Anonymous "The cost of Liberty is less than the cost of repression." -W.E.B. DuBois, John Brown 1909 "... can you imagine Doobie in yo' funk??!!" -G. Clinton Sense is far from COMMON! ... The tragic irony here is that a lot of African Americans may not fully recognize the implications of this decision for years to come. Stop by any barbershop, barbeque or church basement in Black America and you will hear – with distressing frequency – that old canard that "integration" ruined the Black community. William Jelani Cobb ************************************************* |
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A4 |
~Hi, Fab. I, too, am glad that it all worked out. But, what about next time? I'm guessing that you were more mad at yourself for letting her succeed with her devious intent. Clearly she stepped up to you and your husband in order to cause a problem. Clearly she was doing more of the same when she went so far as to step BETWEEN you when she saw that merely stepping UP TO you wasn't enough to get you riled...you were still cordial towards her, afterall. And she wasn't having "cordial"...that is NOT what she stepped up to you for. THEN you gave it to her. You let her take your spot. You didn't give your husband the chance to take you by the hand and excuse you BOTH from her presence. Instead you allowed her to take your spot with him. Did you just want to keep things chill and that's why you walked off? Could that be why he stayed put for a few minutes, in order to keep things chill as well? Well, again, she wasn't having "chill", as that is not why she stepped to you two. So, THEN she proceeded to TOUCH HIM, 'cause you were still being cordial, you gave up your spot and allowed them "their space". You were both "winning" and beating her at her game at that point, Fab. He finished off the convo (still cordially), and do you think she caught you cutting your eyes at him and the tension between you? If so, then she knows that your "cordial" was an act, and you thus gave her the satisfaction that she spught by letting her know that she DID get to you afterall. That's all she wanted to know in the first place. Next time, don't give it to her, and there will be a next time. Laugh at her next time, like "Po' thang. She is SO desperate for attention". Which will make her try even harder, just like the last time, and she'll prove herself more desparate with each move. Now, she supposedly [so she thinks and went away satisfied in thinking] has planted the "seed of doubt" in your head, which was her intent. This was her "I can pull your husband if I wanted to." move. Be ready next time and nip that skankweed in the bud. And the men are always "innocently clueless"  , so don't blame hubby too much.~Black Butterfly, sailed across the waters tell your sons and daughters what the struggle brings Black Butterfly, set the skies on fire rise up even higher so the ageless winds of time can catch your wings ----Deniece Williams |
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B5 |
Okay...now that has me a little worried. Not about my husband stepping out because he's not stupid or crazy...nor does he have the desire to get on my bad side  . But the fact that I might have to put a beat down on this broad, which is something I haven't done that since I was in middle school, has got my nerves and attitude a little frazzled. I don't play games like that and I can't stand the people that play them. I've never fought over a man, but then again I've never been married or loved someone like this before. What you said makes me want to pull her to the side and have a nice long "promise"-filled conversation. But I've a question: Do grown women actually do those types of things? Keep coming after a man who already has, not a woman, but a wife... just to prove she can? I mean, I've heard of high school girls doing things like that, but come on this is a grown woman...hell she's older than I am!~~Dream big...because any other way is a waste of time!!~~ |
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A4 |
~Fab, some women that I've seen in action seek only confirmation. They may have no intention on following through. They are satisfied with the "knowledge" that they CAN, and that is enough for them. If she hasn't been actively pursuing him, then I wouldn't worry about having to beat her down. If the game that she played at the gathering proved to her that she can pull him, she may be done. If she's not done, she'll try you again. No, we don't grow out of the games, girl. They may get a little sophisticated with it, but it's the same game. I've seen some women make a point of putting a little more switch in their walk when they're walking by a couple, for the EXPRESS purpose of making him look. Nothing more. The woman he's with checks him for looking at her. Mission accomplished. Ego boosted. Seed of doubt planted. Then you're supposed to wonder how far that "look" would have or could have gone if you were not present. Girl, if you haven't seen this in action, consider it a blessing, and don't worry about it or give it another thought. Just file it away.~ Black Butterfly, sailed across the waters tell your sons and daughters what the struggle brings Black Butterfly, set the skies on fire rise up even higher so the ageless winds of time can catch your wings ----Deniece Williams |
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A1 |
 My goodness ... a woman that actually gets it. But the sad thing is ... women know the game that other women play, yet they play into it by losing their minds because their man LOOKS. News Flash, ladies: Because a woman catches/captures a man's gaze does not mean anything other than he sees something that may or may not be attractive to him. It does not mean that he will leave you, cheat on you or even think about her after she gone around the corner. But your insecurity [and the suspicion, accusations and inevitable conviction] WILL put the thought in his mind. It is human nature that if one is [unjustly] accused often enough, they will commit the crime. |
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Bad Mother Fucker |
The short answer is this... YES! Stupidity, craziness, fear of a bad side and/or fear of a It seems to me that you are focused on the wrong thing, she is just doing what women have been doing since Adam and Eve... Tempting men! (no rabbit feminism attacks please!) I find that if you and your hubby spend more time focused on making your relationship the best that it can be, you will have a long, healthy and prosperous one... Focus on other people outside of your marriage and it will stagnate... She is of no consequence to you... JMHO Peace, AudioGuy ************************************************* "I am African, not because I was born in Africa; but because Africa was born in me" -Anonymous "The cost of Liberty is less than the cost of repression." -W.E.B. DuBois, John Brown 1909 "... can you imagine Doobie in yo' funk??!!" -G. Clinton Sense is far from COMMON! ... The tragic irony here is that a lot of African Americans may not fully recognize the implications of this decision for years to come. Stop by any barbershop, barbeque or church basement in Black America and you will hear – with distressing frequency – that old canard that "integration" ruined the Black community. William Jelani Cobb ************************************************* |
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A4 |
~I agree, AG. I don't like the "pulling her to the side for a promise-filled convo" thing either. Fab, that sounds like desparate begging. Please don't do it. Don't give her that. You already had a promise-filled convo with your husband and HE is the only one that owes you loyalty. You're not going to get that from the likes of her, so please put that plan out of your mind. That's would be a terribly pathetic position to place yourself in. Like I said, if there is a next time, brush her off for the trifling act of desparation that SHE is. Until then, just forget about it.~ Black Butterfly, sailed across the waters tell your sons and daughters what the struggle brings Black Butterfly, set the skies on fire rise up even higher so the ageless winds of time can catch your wings ----Deniece Williams |
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A4 |
~Oh, come on now, Kweli. It IS disrespectful for the MAN to ALSO play into the game by "looking". Wouldn't you want to see your woman "win" a victory? Of course you would. So, the next time this happens, DO NOT LOOK. Focus DEAD-ON your woman, pull her closer, or give her a peck on the cheek, or whisper something in her ear. Hoochie will become vexed, your woman can give her a satisfied smirk and a luxurious rolling of the eyes. End of drama. YOU don't HAVE to look. Don't start none, won't be none.  . And you KNOW GOOD AND WELL that if your woman was with you and started admiring some other man's sex appeal while he's passing by, you would have a problem with it. He's looking at her, she's looking at him, and you'd be looking at HER like  !!! Am I right?~Black Butterfly, sailed across the waters tell your sons and daughters what the struggle brings Black Butterfly, set the skies on fire rise up even higher so the ageless winds of time can catch your wings ----Deniece Williams |
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A1 |
Actually, no. I have no problem with my wife LOOKING at, or speaking to anyone. But that's just me. |
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B5 |
The whole girl walking with an extra twitch, I find that funny. I don't have too many problems with that... when I was younger I did with a female friend. She bent over with a skirt all up her tail in front of my boyfriend and with every inch the skirt lifted so did his eyes, yeah I was through with the both of them. But now I don't get too carried away with him looking... you know because at the end of the day I'm the one who he kisses goodnight and cuddles up with...not them  Honestly, I think I forget that sometimes.
~~Dream big...because any other way is a waste of time!!~~ |
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