I wish i could talk them into going.

quote:

Originally posted by tru2urself16:
I wish i could talk them into going.

Welcome to the club.

Sunday night was crazy and everyday since than has been not good. If I get one more phone call at night from my cousin crying and cussing about how my granny is trying to take her child away I'm going to go crazy. My granny is 84 years old and doesn't want to raise any more kids. Tonight though I almost had to go to town and whoop my cousin's tail because she was losing it. My granny has bent over backwards for this woman and she had the audacity to stick her finger in my granny's face telling her what she was and wasn't going to do. This girl lied to my granny about how she had to leave her four-year-old daughter with her for SIX MONTHS because her "doctor" said she couldn't do anything until then. Apparently she's had some type of surgery and whatnot. Anyway my grandmother can't do it. She's already taking care of my great-grandpa and he's partially disabled. Now this trick wants to drop a four-year-old in her lap for six months! I'm not having it. I've been going off on everybody, so has my mother. But for real, I've realized that therapy isn't going to help. Nope, what we need is a referee because if I ever see my cousin disrespecting my granny again I'm going to whoop her ass butt like nobody has ever whipped it before.

just don't take on all of your families issues on your own, you will stress yourself out

Yeah, I know. Mika keeps saying the same thing, but I get that whole there for the family thing from my mom. My mom is the favorite grandchild and I'm the favorite great grandchild only because we spend the most time with my granny. I don't play that disrespectful stuff with her. Say what you want about me and what I do, but don't for a minute think you can go after my mother or my granny because you will be strongly mistaken.

so how did it work out for you?

It's better than it was at the time. I'm thinking of moving some stuff around so that I can be there with my granny more often. It came to near blows with my cousin last week because of the way she talks to my granny and my mother. This female is older than me, my mother damn near raised her and she came at her real disrespectful. I was not playing that, I feel a little bad now, but then I was in the middle of the street with my husband, brother and mother holding me back from whooping her behind. I said it once and I'll say it again, disrespect will get you hurt and I'm not talking about your feelings. I'd prefer not to fight my cousin, but that's not to say that I wouldn't if she ever pulled that mess again. Anyway, I'm sick now so I've been staying at home trying to get better.

I did a bad/ liberating thing, that has in a way divided my family. I fought my cousin after a particularly rough night when she forgot her place when she was over my granny's house. I didn't mean to hit her that first time... but after I did and realized how good it felt I couldn't help doing it again a few more times. Next thing I know we were both out of breath, crying, pissed off and wanting to go at it again. My mother and pops held us apart ad I left. I came back a few hours later and my grandmother cursed me out. I felt ashamed and upset because I was defending her... at least that first blow was meant to defend her. I know the rest didn't have much to do with the people in that room, I'd just faced my second pregnancy "scare" and I was trying to shelter a girl and her sister from their drug abusing mother...so yeah I had a lot on my mind, a lot of aggression and she just happened to be in arms reach when that aggression erupted. That was about a month and a half ago.... Earlier today I went to my granny's house, we're cool, and my cousin had dropped her daughter off over there. Well we were playing and she asked me if I would take her to see Winnie the Pooh when they come to town in a few days, I told her she had to ask her mom first. She got sad and said, "Mommy said I'm not suppose to talk to you, so I don't think she'll let me go see Winnie the Pooh with you." I can respect her wishes that she doesn't want her child around me because that is her child, but what I can't understand is why she would let something that has happened between grown folks seep into the world of a child. My aunt, my cousin's mother, won't talk to my mother or her sister(my grandmother) and basically told me to stay away from her. I know that I shouldn't have put my hands on her, but I won't regret it because she deserved to be put in her place. I've apologized for hitting her, but I won't apologize for the intentions behind the blow because I honestly feel I wasn't wrong.

As a mother of daughters your age or older, I have two questions. Aren't you a married woman now? And aren't you potentially going to have children soon? I just noticed this isn't the first time you have indicated to us that you fought someone. I'm very concerned about your temperament. You are an intelligent, bright young woman.....and I know you feel you were defending someone you love...but at some point, you need to step back and really take a good look at what you're doing and why in this tender area of your life.

Violence is never the answer. And if and when you do have children, you will have to have the patience and maturity to raise them...cuz things in life [especially with little ones] are not ALWAYS gonna go the way you WANT them to. I'm only responding to this particular post cuz I care about the decisions [i.e. hitting someone] you make when you become angry. Regardless if you feel it's your responsibility to put them in check or you disagree with what they may be doing, it is this quick temper that has me very very worried. And I'm concerned you may do this again with unfixable consequences......but! JMHO is all.

quote:

Originally posted by Kocolicious:
As a mother of daughters your age or older, I have two questions. Aren't you a married woman now? And aren't you potentially going to have children soon? I just noticed this isn't the first time you have indicated to us that you fought someone. I'm very concerned about your temperament. You are an intelligent, bright young woman.....and I know you feel you were defending someone you love...but at some point, you need to step back and really take a good look at what you're doing and why in this tender area of your life.

Violence is never the answer. And if and when you do have children, you will have to have the patience and maturity to raise them...cuz things in life [especially with little ones] are not ALWAYS gonna go the way you WANT them to. I'm only responding to this particular post cuz I care about the decisions [i.e. hitting someone] you make when you become angry. Regardless if you feel it's your responsibility to put them in check or you disagree with what they may be doing, it is this quick temper that has me very very worried. And I'm concerned you may do this again with unfixable consequences......but! JMHO is all.

First off let me thank you for your concern and explain the reason it took me so long to respond to you. The main reason is because at first I was mad... no not mad, but maybe aggravated a little because you saw so much in what i was saying and I wasn't sure I wanted to reveal that much. Then once that passed and I took your words how they were meant to be taken, I had to examine a couple of things... turns out you were kind of right. Sometimes I do let my anger get the best of me and react in very regrettable ways. But that is mostly because most of the time I don't say anything when stuff is bothering me at the time and I let it build up until something like a few words and eyes rolling get me to the point where I just lash out. I know that's not good my husband and I have spent many nights talking about that. He agrees that I really need to work that out and I am trying because that is not something I want to share with our future. I feel like a hypocrite sometimes because I tell my girls all the time that you can't hold stuff in, that you can't use violence to get a point across, that there are all these other ways to deal with your issues and yet here I am out here acting in the same way I tell them not to. I'm trying to be better and act better.

Originally posted by tru2urself16

quote:

First off let me thank you for your concern and explain the reason it took me so long to respond to you. The main reason is because at first I was mad... no not mad, but maybe aggravated a little because you saw so much in what i was saying and I wasn't sure I wanted to reveal that much. Then once that passed and I took your words how they were meant to be taken, I had to examine a couple of things... turns out you were kind of right. Sometimes I do let my anger get the best of me and react in very regrettable ways. But that is mostly because most of the time I don't say anything when stuff is bothering me at the time and I let it build up until something like a few words and eyes rolling get me to the point where I just lash out. I know that's not good my husband and I have spent many nights talking about that. He agrees that I really need to work that out and I am trying because that is not something I want to share with our future. I feel like a hypocrite sometimes because I tell my girls all the time that you can't hold stuff in, that you can't use violence to get a point across, that there are all these other ways to deal with your issues and yet here I am out here acting in the same way I tell them not to. I'm trying to be better and act better.

It's a saying "when you KNOW better, you do better. Already, you're half way there cuz you recognize as a grown woman what you must do to make your family life solid before having children. Life is not perfect. It is a journey and wisdom is something you acquire as you drive this adventurous life you share with the man who loves you. That comes FIRST. He is now your family. So. No worries. I'm not gonna do the mother thing....but! I want you to know it's okay to talk to someone who is a profession, if you need to. Your children deserve the BEST you...and sometimes talking to someone who will ask prevelant questions will allow you to be on your way to that evolving strong woman, in my view that's a very important option open to you.

I am the first to say I've been in therapy. And it has helped me tremendously cuz someone KILLED/MURDERED my son....in a neighborhood I grew up in. No one could help me. I was MORE than angry....I was devestated, horrified and totally PISSED OFF and after it happened I did stalk the area laying in wait for the murderers to return. That was NOT smart. I was CRAZY angry. I wanted to return the favor....but I have other children who needed me. But at the time, I was only thinking about getting revenge. Cuz why? I taught black children to be the best in a world that didn't want them. I provided service to my community/people for almost twenty years at the time-how could someone BLACK just KILL my son? And how could my people just stand there and let it happen and NOT call the police?

I have a huge temper as well. But I was surrounded by people [thank God!] who loved me and placed me in an environment where I could get help....otherwise it was NOT gonna be pretty for me or my family especially my children. I am telling you all this to let you know that I've been there....it's taken me years to love my people again.... for a good while I HATED them cuz they stood and watch my son be gunned down in the middle of the street-shot eight times in the head. I tell you this story because I want you to fully understand how therapy can heal. I am finally healed. And I don't have a problem anymore talking about it or resuming my duties as a foot soldier for children. So please don't feel like I was singling you out or picking on you cuz I wasn't. I generally care about all young people and want them to live the best lives and is why I am sharing my experience. Life can be cruel. But if you have the right tools, you can recover from anything and live good-not perfect...but! Good.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Kocolicious,