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D5 |
What never ceases to amaze me is how defensive our sistas get when a brotha writes a movie that touches grey areas with our sistas. From a black mans point of view, so may take this position but I personally don't feel it necessary to venture off into other areas. The problem that I'm having with your post is that you became defensive with this little sketch but when 'Waiting to Exhale' was playing... there were a lot of sistas in agreement with the X-wife feelings. It seem to me that black men shouldn't have a point of view and when they do they are immediately chopped up for it. Statistically, the percentage of middle class African Americans in this country is 3/4 percent. The percentage of African Americans that are rich is within the 5 percent. So to think for one minute that this situation is not likely is to show a lack of education about the current situation of our people. My sista, this is happening to African American men constantly and to belittle that would be as an abuser belittling his assult on a sista. When 'Waiting to Exhale' came out, we as men were forced to face ourselves but when a simple little clip is played... our sistas become defensive and try to argue the point instead of listening to a different point of view. Going to a white woman is not the answer and it is not the choice that I would ever make, especially for the sake of blaming a black woman. I love my sistas but it seems that this movie proving other point, with our black womens inablity to listen. I dropped those stats because many woman on different forums dealing with this topic has felt the same way as you but and many say this case is highly unlikely. This says a lot about how much attention we pay to ourselves. This is happening consistantly and it needs to be address. This brotha loved this woman as he explained that he was with her for 7 years; 4 married and 3 as boyfriend/girlfriend... and secondly that he was never into a white woman... so it wasn't his choice to fall in love with a white woman, but that he was looking for what he got married for in the first place.....LOVE!!! He didn't threaten to take the womans house, money, furniture or anything... he was simply pointing out that he is a man that handle his and their are many black men out there doing the same. I am one of them, but the difference is if I leave my argumentative wife, then it will be because we couldn't get along and not because I'm looking for a white woman... If I do get into a relationship with a white womwn which I highly doubt... then it was written in the plan. Peace!~ |
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B2 |
Hotep.......
Black women are defensive.....because this happens a LOT in the black community. Black men, that cant deal with marriage.....family etc, walking awaying from their families. Although not every marriage will work out, its still a harsh situation to deal with. And believe me, i've never seen two people, divorcing.........where they both didnt contribute to the pain. No one comes out a winner!! The key is learning from these experiences..... ```````````````````````` "Dipped in chocolate, bronzed with elegance, enameled with grace, toasted with beauty. "My Lord, she is a Black woman!" -Yosef Ben-Jochannan |
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A1 |
Qty, you're right... but something else that happens A LOT in the black community is that we can make whole movies ("DIARY OF A MAD BLACK WOMAN", "WAITING TO EXHALE", etc.) and books and seminars and self help and talk shows (Oprah) and magazines centering MOSTLY on the female perspective... And all of it is great and wonderful... and we're supposed to all think it's great and wonderful... But if a black man (who is not rapping) so much as makes a peep about the world the way he sees it?... And then the women wonder why we can't express our feelings. |
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B2 |
Im not too sure, why a mans point of view is never addressed. My thoughts it could be, because usually a man bounce back faster in these situations than women. In the other thread we talked about marriage.......and it seems that the majority of men actually move on......leaving women with children etc. Woman have to learn how to deal with these situations........because it seems as though you men, move on quickly. (Im not saying this happens to everyone, and i do know that all situations are different.......but it happens) ```````````````````````` "Dipped in chocolate, bronzed with elegance, enameled with grace, toasted with beauty. "My Lord, she is a Black woman!" -Yosef Ben-Jochannan |
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A1 |
Qty, aren't you assuming rather a lot?... So ALL the brothers just move on? In fact, this thread was started by a video about a brotha who didn't "move on"... What about us brothas who don't "move on"????? This is the problem: black cultural discourse is disturbingly femi-centric and it seems to always begin on the assumption that black men aren't shit... Maybe this is a self-fulfilling prophecy? Qty, answer this question: If you were a black man who worked hard your whole life... avoided becoming a statistic... responsible... hardworking... but still had to deal with this massive disrespect coming from your so-called sisters ... with no support system or voice to speak of.... would you want to stick around? Maybe if the women would shut up for the space of a heart beat and listen we might make some progress? |
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Phoenix Rising |
HB? please...... calm..... down..... Peace, Virtue Peace, Khalliqa "The Goddess emerges as the evanescence of the inferior dissipates.... " |
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A1 |
I am calm... I'm also fed up...
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B2 |
Honestbrother..........you asked me a question, and i replied as best i could. I only gave an example, as to why sistas 'may' receive more advice then brothas.
Every reply concerning this video, will be based on assumptions, and what 'ifs', because we dont know enough about what happened in this situation. You asked me this.... "Qty, answer this question: If you were a black man who worked hard your whole life... avoided becoming a statistic... responsible... hardworking... but still had to deal with this massive disrespect coming from your so-called sisters ... with no support system or voice to speak of.... would you want to stick around?" Im going to answer you as best as i can...... I know that there are brothas like yourself.....that are doing, and being the best they can be. If it werent for brothas such as yourself, family members.....that constantly give me food for thought........i would've walked away from black men a long time ago. So i dont want you to think that your thoughts and feelings are useless........we are listening. We may not always agree, becaue of course men/women think differently.......but i'll always repect your points of view. So yes, im sticking around.........and i hope you do the same. *Now the next time you scream at me, im going to do this.......   ```````````````````````` "Dipped in chocolate, bronzed with elegance, enameled with grace, toasted with beauty. "My Lord, she is a Black woman!" -Yosef Ben-Jochannan |
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A1 |
My point was not about who gets advice... my point was about who seems entitled to self-expression... my point was that it seems like every time a brotha expresses himself about anything except how great women are, a bunch of women pile on...but opportunities for females to express themselves about whatever abound... and you rarely hear them appreciate black men...
If you were in my shoes? Yes or no?
I did not "scream"... I expressed myself... thank you... Don't get me started - the suppression of the black male voice begins with their mothers and those 'switches'... that's where this dysfunctional pattern begins IMO... |
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B2 |
If you read my response.......you would've realized that THIS is what i responded to.
Yes we are all entitled to self expression.......but you must ask yourself, to whom are you expressing your feelings to? ........and why is it that these women not listening TO YOU?? I paid you a compliment....and you discounted it to continue to complain.....!! I wont do it again....that you can bet on. This is a forum, and you can express yourself.........stop making blank statements, and say what exactly you feel the problem is!! *Sistas dont listen, is the not the answer*
This was a loaded question, and i tried to answer it without discounting your feelings.............you wanna know why? Because women could say the same thing about men....!! So guess what, we get no where. .....And your comment about 'mothers'.......at least the children have someone that cares for them.....only after the fathers (some) walk away from them. *im done with this* ```````````````````````` "Dipped in chocolate, bronzed with elegance, enameled with grace, toasted with beauty. "My Lord, she is a Black woman!" -Yosef Ben-Jochannan |
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A1 |
Again my point was that the female voice dominates....
Quite frankly, because they really don't know how to listen... You may not want to hear it but too many sistas don't listen...unless it's something they want to listen to... |
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B2 |
Yeah ok....  ```````````````````````` "Dipped in chocolate, bronzed with elegance, enameled with grace, toasted with beauty. "My Lord, she is a Black woman!" -Yosef Ben-Jochannan |
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D3 |
Isn't it possible.. Just possible that in at least one bad relationship in this country a woman was at fault??????.....
Maybe this skit dramtizes that one relationship... So that men like me can feel like we too have a voice... Then another complaining female shows up... GEEZ[/QUOTE] There are many women who love to create drama and seem to be driven by arguments and the like why this is I will never know. But yes it is more than possible that one bad relationship is due to a woman. In fact far more than one.  |
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A1 |
TRU, you must be planning to be popular on this here site! Welcome aboard, sista! If there's anything you need just ask  |
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D5 |
Rowe don't mean to disappoint you, but there are a lot of black women out there like that. I know from experience. I have had "good" jobs all of my life, I learned early in life that manual labor was not for me. I don't know if you consider me attractive, but I never seem to have problems meeting women. You see I was a black man who had a child. Our relationship didn't work out. That was okay things happen. As far as my daughter was concerned I lived and breathed her. Wherever I went she went, my ex girlfriend would have to beg my daughter to go with her. I allowed my ex to pick out what daycare she went to, parties themes and most things to do with my daughter and I paid the bill. Any time she needed clothes, we would go to whatever store she wanted to and I would buy whatever she liked. My daughter stayed with me most of the time, but my ex could come and get her any time she wanted. Only thing I asked my ex to pay for was the food or activities she did while she was with her mother. Her friends bragged about how good of a father I was and how lucky she was. The relationship, her fault - my fault, doesn't matter. After a while my ex started listening to her friends about how much money she could get out of me for child support. Even though I asked her to pay for nothing, I was doing everything from learning how to comb her hair to teaching her how to read and write (we even got out pictures and a write-up in the Atlanta Journal Constitution), she still couldn't be happy. To make a long story short we ended up in child custody and I lost custody. That was the easy part, during the battle I found out that my daughter was not my daughter. I had to give her up along with all parental rights that I had. My life and my daughter's life was shattered because all her mother cared about was the money. It happens, I know other black men that have gone through a similar type situation. Unfortunately you don't get to hear from us, because it is considered to be "weak" when a man cries out. We are there. I'm not a tired black man - just disappointed!
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C2 |
wow!!! I'm stunned at where this conversation has gone. Just as someone aske in a previous post, isn't it possible that a relationship can end due to the actions of all parties involved? I find it hard to believe that blanket statements such as '...if "you" women would listen...' Too many times, both parties in a relationship have a hard time communicating--so where is all of this blame coming from Y'all are gonna make me head for the bar. Again. (Actually I was headed there to cheer on the Cubs and Bulls)  "I find, in being black, a thing of "beauty"; like a joy; a strength; a secret cup of gladness." Beauty Ossie Davis |
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D3 |
Thanks, I just speak what I know to be TRU. I have witnessed many episodes of ignorant women and men as well. |
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D5 |
Brother I am sorry that you have to endure such a pain. I can not lie and say I understand what you are going through, but I have empathy for you. I know there are many "good" black men in America and as Honest Brotha says we merely have no voice. I view many black women as the "New Millenium Woman". These type of women expect the man to be the traditional man and they themselves be the 21st century woman. They want to run the household and have a submissive man as long as he is paying bills and giving them money. I apologize if I offend any woman/man with this view. I too myself almost turned to the Caucasian woman. I worked hard for everything that I have and I only met black women who can never be satisfied. As far as the skit, I view the skit as real life and I too am tired of the "black woman" defining what a "real man" is...maybe some black women need to define what a "real woman" is and we can begin to move on from that point. Strenght is in the mind but perseverance is in the heart |
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Phoenix Rising |
Greetings Calvin.... It would be nice if you could introduce yourself at the New Members section of the board..... It is located at the bottom page of this site.... Am I right in hearing that you are bitter towards Black Women? Am I right in perceiving you to have reluctantly turn towards white women? Thanks.... Peace, Virtue Peace, Khalliqa "The Goddess emerges as the evanescence of the inferior dissipates.... " |
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