Wow I just saw that clip for the first time after hearing so much about it. And my opinion is date who you wanna date based on character and personel interest thats what I say. I know I will cause being real about it if I ask out ten black women and they all tell me no and I happen to come across someone who wasn't black and said yes and we had a lot in common I'm taking it cause love waits on no one not even a black man or woman. ya dig

Are we the only people that make movies airing each other out? This whole concept is "tired". I am always happy to see black actors, actresses, producers and filmmakers putting in work and making money but in my opinion this whole concept is "tired". maybe this movie will be different but do we really need to see the male version of "Waiting To Exhale"? I am the co-host of one of the top black internet podcast shows in the U.S. entitled "Cardinal and ME" in which we discuss sports, politics, pop culture, etc...I would LOVE for someone who is affiliated with this film or who has strong opinons either way about the film to call our hotline at 1-206-350-1478. The show is totally uncensored (as you will see when you listen). I would also love to interview someone directly affiliated with the film. Please visit our site at www.sobo.podomatic.com to listen to the show and/or leave comments.

Sincerely--"Cardinal" Dave, leader of the ch'aach of the conspiracy where everything is "fixed"...

It's really sad to read all the excuses that BOTH brothers and sistes are giving regarding this topic. The fact of the matter is, relationships in the black community amongst men and women are at a crossroads. We are all supposed to be so educated now but more and more kids are being born to single parent homes, divorce rate is at an all time high, both men and women are cheating left and right, etc, etc. You now times have really changed when you hear sisters saying they have a man and a boyfriend on the side or "special friend." It didn't used to be like that but brothers, we have played a huge part in why it is this way and it's not a good part.

First of all we can't categorize all sisters as being "complainers." Nor can we categorize all brothers as being "dogs." If we continue to cut each other down and continue putting out negative energy, then all we will continue to get is "complainers" or "dogs."

Every person has to be judged on their own character. Sure there's some men who are "dogs" and there are some women who are "complainers" but not every brother or sister falls into that category.

Some sisters have been dealing with our crap for a long time and many of them are feed up, so some of them have become complainers but for a reason. Many brothers aren't keeping jobs, laying around making babies, not raising babies but not all of us. Sisters, the are not making these babies alone. It's called better choices on both sides of the fence. Some sisters have now flipped the script on us brothers and are running game, some. It goes both ways but at what point do we say as brothers and sisters this crap has to stop in order for our families to stay together and grow and prosper.

Brothers we need to get our acts together and sisters need to as well. Brothers and sisters have a long way to go to regain the trust of one another again but it starts with speaking positive people into existence to be in your life. A real "dog" and a real "complainer" will be just that. No sense in continuing to add fuel to the fire by giving those individuals that power.

Just my two cents.

Peace and Blessings to all,
Ntellect
Atlanta,GA

100% feeling this post

I don't understand why it is more of an insult to a black woman if her man (or ex-man) dates a white woman after breaking up with her. He is still not with you either way. Why is it a concern for you what type of woman he chooses to be with after you and he are broken up? Do you feel that his choice of subsequent partner somehow reflects on your relationship with him?

I am just curious because I happen to be a white woman who is attracted to black men and I have noticed that the men I date have this unspoken type of fear of what black women will think about us dating. It is strange. We can be walking down the street and the black women who see us will give him a dirty look. He doesn't even know these women and yet he is subjected to their wrath. This is a sincere question...why is it that you as black women care so much about who a stranger dates?

Curious in Cali

I can't speak for the masses-- only for myself. There's a lot that you will never understand because you will never experience life as a Black woman or experience the struggles of the Black community. And it's not just a Black thing. I can't speak on Hispanic women's experiences or Asian women's experiences, etc... I've never dated a Black man who's dated a white woman (or at least will admit to it)~ and that is a question that I ask because, in my experience, his mentality is generally different, and we tend not to click on a real level. When I look at my brother, I pray that he'll never succumb to this. Simply because of what I've personally heard men I've asked say~ specifically searching for a white woman to take care of him or cater to him~ even when he doesn't want to do something with himself. Or specifically seeking a white woman because he despises his own heritage-- but will hesitate to say it. Or even seeking a white woman because he views her as a symbol of him having 'finally achieved.' These all translate not into "I just happened to find love with a white woman," but rather into "I only sought a white woman." And sometimes it's reversed. I know plenty of white females here who only seek Black men-- the ones who frequent websites, clubs, and events geared toward Black love and Black uplift. If two people just happen to meet, click, and fall in love, so be it. Love is love. But when your whole intention from square 1 is just to attract and catch someone of another race, you imply that your race is inadequate, and that's degrading to everyone who worked just to get YOU to this point-- especially when you consider a race that's worked together to come through-- and still go through-- so much. And when you justify your actions by degrading those who share YOUR own heritage, you have problems within yourself. And again, that's with any race. And I don't see any self- respecting person accepting that. I'm not attracted to white guys, but I've had some approach me on some "Black women are the best women" tip~ and that doesn't impress me. You're not seeking me for me, you're seeking me for my color and your perception of what a Black woman is~ not who Candace is. The same goes for a lot of the brothers I meet seeking white females. I just refuse to be anyone's token.

The whole concept behind this movie is simply ridiculous. If any of these "men" reviewed history, they would know that it has always been the black woman carrying the burden of our black family, black struggles and our black asses. They were raped and separated just like the black men were since our arrival in this country, but they were the only ones to still keep it together. Black kids have black fathers who don't know how to be one, due to the fact that their fathers didn't know how to be one. But why? We've always had strong black mothers to raise us, and they were laying right next to us during the abuses handed down to our race. Yes our women are stronger, my God, look at what they have to deal with! Black men finally start to make it in American society (post '60's) on a large scale, and all of a sudden the "kinky" haired girl ain't good enough for our black asses. Too opinionated. Too strong. To tell you the truth, the black woman should have given up on us a long time ago and went to find financial and personal happiness with other races, but no, they stayed with us. And now that we can stand up, we don't need them. I am embarassed by my people sometimes...

We can yell and scream at each other all we want, but we ignore the facts. These battles are symptoms of a bigger problem. I feel for sisters, because there are a lot of brothers who are troubled and not pulling their weight.
We tend to hurt the one we loves, I think sisters often unleash their frustrations on brothers who didn't necessarily cause their problems, and that's not fair.
However sisters are not blameless. If there is a problem between black men and women, then women have to take their share of the blame.
If all these black men have these complaints, don't you think there must be a sliver of truth to what they are saying? Can they all be telling the same lie?
How about sisters do some self analysis...?
Of course its much easier to just blame black men for being weak ...

Let's face it Boys and Girls we as Black people have all sorts of issues. Ranging from being told and tught by the White group that we are not worth the dirt below thier feet to believing it and believing that we can treat each other just as bad. Cheating on one another, stealing from one another, killing one another, sellng oneanoter out for whatever reason, not believng in one another, not willing to support one another, teaching our kids that clotes, cars, video games, sneakers, music and other depreciatable items are more important than a relationship, a life, a soul!

Even those if us that suppose to have Religion can't seem to practice what we preach.

What do you expect?

Enough Said>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Wow!! I kinda thought this subject might spark a conversation ... but my goodness!

First of all (before I even get started! ) I'd like to say to all the new folk who've posted!! Your thoughts have really been insightful ... and it seems to me that everyone's been so right ... just on different levels ... which I think probably underscores what's really at the base of the problem.

It's true that there are good black women and good black men .. and .. there are "mad black women" and "black men who are dogs." And everybody intermingles with each other! That's first.

I do think that there are a lot of us women who are expecting too much from Black men, in general, and their particular mate in particular. And I say this because they expect from them more than they are even provided for themselves. Not every black man is supposed to take care of me. The one I choose for my husband has got it comin' though! Ya know?

So in the meantime, providing my shelter, paying my bills, and keeping me fed is solely my responsibility. This is in the manner to which I wish to be accustomed, and, of course, any help along the way should and will be appreciated ... but not certainly not expected. And anyway, if there's one thing that I've learned ... if a man really wants you to have something, you most certainly will get it! They're just sweet like that

But, I think both sexes have a problem with knowing what we really want and need in a mate ... what's really important individually, and then not lowering our expectations as far as relationships go. Reading through some of the threads about what we're seeking in another person, most of us are not looking for some impossible dream that doesn't even exist .. (Okay, mine totalled 125% of a man ... but that's another thread! ), but just some compatiblilty, a little TLC, some understanding.

So, individually, if that is what you are willing to give and believe that's what you deserve to receive, then be real about it and avoid the drama of taking care of him and letting him drive your car around town or listening to her bitch and moan when she has absolutely nothing to complain about. Know what you want, only subject yourself to somebody who might possibly fit the bill ... and when you find what you are looking for, the odds are best it really will be what you're looking for.

A "good black man" deserves credit, just for beating the odds, if nothing else. As pointed out above, Black women have been strong and good and have withstood the tests of time ... but we have not been as targeted for dehumanization as our Black men have been. And those that have passed that threshold of 'most likely to go to prison' and 'most likely to succeed' have become the minority and not the majority. A strong black woman doesn't have to be a hard black woman. I think appreciation and not expectation would go a long way towards qwelling some of the anger black women feel towards black men. And black men need to understand that even through our strength as black women, we have always been vulnerable to the Black man and more than enough of you have "dogged" us at some point in the past (and y'all know you know how some of you act! ). Although you may be one of the few who are different, us being a little gun-shy should be understandable.

We can talk round and round about this subject matter but the fact is, we have some serious issues in the black community when it comes to the love we have for our brothers and sisters. Yes this was initially instigated through slavery and racism. Yet our ignorance has allowed it to continue. It's time to stop talking about the issues and time to start resolving them and it starts with each and every one of us looking ourselves in the mirror and making an oath to ourselves to treat one another better because we come from greatness and are great but have forgotten that fact.

It starts with the adults making the change and then brothers teaching our young boys to be "real" men not players, pimps and thugs and sisters teaching our daughters to be "real" ladies and not video hoochies or gold diggers.
We need to be careful of the things we do and say around our kids, so they don't grow up believing the same garbage that has us so messed up now. Turn off the damn radios, tv's and all other means of communications that depict our brothers and sisters in a negative light and enforce our children's lives with positive images. Can we do that?

Hey, you guys can also come out to my best friend site and share your thoughts and energy with us there. www.28daysmovement.com and join my yahoo group email list for updates about the spoken word scene in the ATL. yahoo/groups/Eboni_Productions


Hotep
Ntellect
Poet/Spoken Word Artist
Atlanta

quote:

Originally posted by HonestBrother:

quote:

Originally posted by qty226:
Yes we are all entitled to self expression.......

Again my point was that the female voice dominates....

quote:

but you must ask yourself, to whom are you expressing your feelings to? ........and why is it that these women not listening TO YOU??

Quite frankly, because they really don't know how to listen... You may not want to hear it but too many sistas don't listen...unless it's something they want to listen to...

As a man I think that honestbrotha has issues that he himself must deal with before he can be a "good husband/mate". I grew up in a mostly single-parented household and I have a profound love for my mother and all balck women. That being said, I do not like anyone who blames others for their own personal shortcomings. Both men and women need to stop blaming each other and make smarter decisions of what they settle for in life.

quote:

Originally posted by Satwan:
......I have a profound love for my mother and all balck women. That being said, I do not like anyone who blames others for their own personal shortcomings. Both men and women need to stop blaming each other and make smarter decisions of what they settle for in life.

Welcome to the board...


Well stated....


Peace,
Virtue

quote:

Originally posted by Satwan:
As a man I think that honestbrotha has issues that he himself must deal with before he can be a "good husband/mate". I grew up in a mostly single-parented household and I have a profound love for my mother and all balck women. That being said, I do not like anyone who blames others for their own personal shortcomings. Both men and women need to stop blaming each other and make smarter decisions of what they settle for in life.

And where did I blame someone else for my own shortcomings?

I love my mother too but that doesn't mean my mother and other black women are perfect or beyond reproach (and neither am I by the way).

Love does not have to be (and should not be) blind.

It's always great to be singled out as the only one on a 9 page thread that has issues.... wonderful... but though I disagree with (at least) half your comment, I'll take it as a mark of distinction ...

And to the board...

This message has been edited. Last edited by: HonestBrother,

quote:

Originally posted by lbarker:
LovNThySoul

Independent DOES mean we don't need a man. But it doesn't mean we don't want one. Yes, men are our concern because men are what we desire. If that were not the case the title of lesbian would apply. We are concerned with our black men because they are our optimal choice over the rest. We love you and you know it. Black men know they are preferred by black women and also desired by all other shades of women.

I'm sorry, wait a minute. I won't even apologize for this statement coming up.

God created us to want/need each other. Our souls are of Him, The Creator, which is LOVE. True love....unconditional love. If that is true, then our souls encompass love itself. Our souls are the fabric of love itself. In saying all of that...God felt that we "NEED" each other, thus our creation for each other. That is my belief.

Either you feel this or you don't. You don't have to agree but what you stated to me, seeing it in life, example after example, what you stated to me is contradiction. You are dependant to a man to satisfy an certain emotional need that seeks satisfaction. If that is not true, then don't ever marry, date or seek to have a man. If it is only a want, cast it aside as if that want is only that, just a plain want.

It's not that simple. I don't buy that. If we were just so simple as to just want another then why so many issues with men and women. I feel we need each other. Otherwise we could easily dismiss the wanting of another. This WANT...is at a NEED level. There is nothing wrong with His design. There is something wrong with those who attempt to warp HIS plan.

quote:

The difference is that we (black women) are just recently becoming 'publicly / openly' desirable in the eyes of men of other races. I speak for myself when I say it's upsetting to know my choices are limited. Why? Because I love black men. I've yet to meet a man who makes my blood boil like a black man. So it is a little upsetting to know that my brotha's have issues that they seemingly place blame on 'all sistas'. For example, putting the word Strong in front of black woman means she mouthy and won't humble herself at all to a black man. NOT TRUE. It's a bum rap that we don't deserve it.

It has been taught to men for a very long time that your strength is shown in your actions. Not your words.

That's fine that you have options. I don't have issue with that. We all have options.

I'm sure you can relate to black men, good black men getting a bum rap as it has been going on for a long, long time.

quote:

Originally posted by virtue:

quote:

Originally posted by LovNThySoul:
Just talkin about me here so....

I have always been attracted to darker skin women. ALWAYS. And i mean dark chocolate to light. It never has mattered to me. Most of the women i have dated were very, very chocolate.

I came back to the post and was like...

Did he say what I thought he said????

I just can't resist!

Qty! We've got a live one!

quote:

Most women i like are more natural but i don't have anything against a sista that has straight hair either.

That pretty much covers the pool of ALL black women! lol

quote:

I've been working for a fortune 500 company for over 8 years.

OOoooooookkkkk.....

quote:

I've never dated a white woman and don't want to.

smile....

quote:

I full take care of my son. His mother and i are not together but are friends. I am NOT on child support.

Used to children.... no mama drama.......



Okay let me go down the list: ahem...


1. loves chocolate women- check..

2. prefers natural women - check.

3. but not hating on sistahs with straight hair (which says he just appreciates a sistahs beauty... period...- check.

4. fortune 500 for eight years (stability and focus ** but doesn't say ingenuity right off the bat... or independent minded.... or leader.... BUT! does say ambitious and intelligent...)- check.

5. not into white girls- check.

6. likes children and are used to them- check.

7. no mama drama - check.

8. responsible- check check...

9. according to avatar- nice looking..- check.


Ummmmm...... and you are on the internet bemoaning a mate...

because?????


hulllooooooo????????


lol






Okay I'ma stop trippin' up in heah!

sorry, I just don't hear this everyday.....

Nice....



Peace,
Virtue

Because i am a loving man and i'm affectionate. Many women cannot handle a man like me. They see my loving nature as weakness. No i am not saying that i was a pushover, just very loving.

I am not perfect Virtue. I don't claim to be. I do have my flaws. I work on them and consistently try to better myself. *smile*

I have my positives/negatives like every person. I won't mention all that here. You'll have to get to know me for all of that.

But for example :
*Positive* I'm very a passionate man and love to please my woman. Have to know me to understand what i mean.

*Negative* I'm was not the best with finances. I was never taught so i had to learn the hard way.


Whelp, off to MainEvent in Marietta to work out for an hour or so.

This is my take on angry women….

As a white woman who has only been with Black men all my life, I’ve come across all types of men,.from the stereotypes mentioned here---men who only want a white woman because they feel we’re submissive or the proverbial doormat and men who (still) view white women as a status symbol (I’ve learned to weed them out and run the other way)---to men who truly just want some peace and harmony in their lives…regardless of the race of their chosen mate.

I happen to be an easygoing person…not just in my dealings with men, but in all aspects of life. This took much effort on my part to accomplish. and was not always the case. I had been in a few self-destructive, codependent relationships since age 16, and ended up in a 15-year, abusive marriage, barely escaping with my life and having to raise two sons on my own. I left that marriage angry, hurt and full of issues. But there came a point where I had to take some responsibility for what had happened to me…which was the only way to be sure it would never happen again. I also made a conscious decision to lose my anger. I’ve had Black female friends tell me that the only way to be treated right is to find a white man. I refuse to believe that this is the case. I don’t think the angry women are necessarily angry without cause. But we have control as to how we let that anger manifest itself. We can learn from OUR mistakes, regardless of what our life experiences have been….recognize the red flags in the search for a partner, not settle, and choose wisely.

quote:

Originally posted by LovNThySoul:
Because i am a loving man and i'm affectionate. Many women cannot handle a man like me. They see my loving nature as weakness. No i am not saying that i was a pushover, just very loving.

I am not perfect Virtue. I don't claim to be. I do have my flaws. I work on them and consistently try to better myself. *smile*

I have my positives/negatives like every person. I won't mention all that here. You'll have to get to know me for all of that.

But for example :
*Positive* I'm very a passionate man and love to please my woman. Have to know me to understand what i mean.

*Negative* I'm was not the best with finances. I was never taught so i had to learn the hard way.


Whelp, off to MainEvent in Marietta to work out for an hour or so.

*one more before I go...

LoveNTHYsoul...

Yeah...

I have my negatives too...

hmmmm....

your avatar is handsome, you like chocolate women, you're passionate and love to please a woman, you have a gentle disposition and you work out in Marietta huh? But one needs to get to know you to understand this....


hmmmmmm......

Beloved....

You don't know me very well do you?

Well...

my negatives are:

I'm REAL fat and have rashes all over my body....

I'm extremely tall and have a man's body build...

I've got a mustache....

and I have to wear weaves because I'm bald....

Oh...

and I've got 6 children from 5 different daddy's all with "drama"

dey betta pay their child support

cause I don't know nuthin about money....

and I spend it ALL the time...

ummmmmmm......

I've also got this problem with errrbody calling me ugly...

I mean I don't feel ugly... but maybe I am... nawmean??

Shoot....

Sister just can't catch a break....

I love to please my man also... its just that no man wants me... I mean I cured that whole body odor thing.... maybe its my breath....






But Beloved.... You seem to not have any of these problems....

I think that there are plenty of women that would jump at the chance to be in your presence..

and in all seriousness....

if all you say is true...

I wish it to happen for you....

good guys deserve good women...

I pray for you the best dear brother....

Peace,
Virtue

Originally posted by NotAngryAnymore:
men who (still) view white women as a status symbol (I’ve learned to weed them out and run the other way)


---to men who truly just want some peace and harmony in their lives…regardless of the race of their chosen mate.
yes, they exist!

I had been in a few self-destructive, codependent relationships since age 16, and ended up in a 15-year, abusive marriage, barely escaping with my life and having to raise two sons on my own. I left that marriage angry, hurt and full of issues. But there came a point where I had to take some responsibility for what had happened to me…which was the only way to be sure it would never happen again.


I also made a conscious decision to lose my anger. I’ve had Black female friends tell me that the only way to be treated right is to find a white man.
not neccessarily

I refuse to believe that this is the case.
CORRECT!

We can learn from OUR mistakes, regardless of what our life experiences have been…recognize the red flags in the search for a partner, not settle, and choose wisely.
good luck in your search
.