*I started reading doc love's book and articles. I post this article as part of my continuing H.O.B.O. series.*


Dating Outside Your Culture
By Doc Love

http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove_300/377_relationship_expert.html?FLASH

Hey Doc,

First, I'd like to say thank you for the help that you are giving to all of us guys who are having problems with the opposite sex.

Kareena is an Indian girl I work with very closely at my job. I make her laugh, and she touches me often, but I didn't know how to close with her because we are from different cultures. (I'm black, by the way.) I remember that you said to be careful when dating people from different cultures because lots of times the girl's parents decide who they want their daughter to end up with.

Well, today I finally did close. I asked for Kareena's home phone number and without hesitation she gave it to me. But as you say, just because you get a woman's phone number doesn't mean that she has a high Interest Level. It could be that Kareena doesn't know how to say no, and she was just trying to be nice to me because she has to work with me every day.

Now I know that in "The System" you say to wait a week before calling a girl for a date. But my problem is that I see this young lady just about every day, so how would I go about scheduling a date with her? Also, how can I be a Challenge when I see her so often? One more thing: Should I call her beforehand to find out whether her father will mind her dating someone from a different ethnic background?

Kareena is quiet, which is also a bit of a problem. I know that you say that women help you when they like you. When I talk to her, Kareena is rather reserved, though she does help me some with the conversation. Do you think this is good or should I be thankful that she isn't always yakking?

Anything you can tell me will help.

Biff - who finds himself treading lightly



doc love's answer
Hi Biff,

First of all, I appreciate your compliment. Before we go on to your questions, let me say something: Some guys out there are doing 90% of everything right when it comes to women, while some guys are doing 22% of everything right. And let's just say that some other guys need LOTS of help. I'm helping guys at the high end and at the low end, and everybody in between.

And that's the whole idea behind my philosophy. Unless you have my principles 100% down or you're in the top 10% of guys, 90% of you fellows need my coaching. It's that simple. Like the great Doctor Freud once said, "The divorce rate, the dating habits of women, and the way they brutally reject men back up those numbers."

Now let's move on to the lovely Kareena. Like I've told you guys so many times before, it doesn't make a difference whether a girl is from Mongolia or Montana because "The System" cuts across all cultural lines. So all you have to say is: "Kareena, what's your home phone number?" And that's called CLOSING. I don't care if her best friend is standing there, I don't care if her parents are standing there, and I don't care if the King of Bhutan himself is standing there -- just do it.

What I said about different cultures still stands. To you Psych majors, if a girl was raised catholic, her parents are going to want to have a catholic son-in-law. If she's Malaysian, they'll want her to marry a Malaysian. If she's Jewish, they'll want her to marry a Jewish guy. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, "Blood is thicker than anything else."

But you did close Kareena, pal. Good for you. And the key phrase when you went for the number is "without hesitation." That's even better because it was an indication of Kareena's Interest Level.

You might be right that she doesn't know how to say no or she was just trying to be nice to you because you have to work together. But like my cousin Fast Eddie Love says, "It could also be that she's a Professional Dater with 40% to 49% Interest Level who wants to waste your time and run up your Visa."

How do you go about scheduling a date with this girl? You do the same thing you should always do: Wait a week before you call her. When you see Kareena during the day, act as if you never asked her out and never went for her home phone number.

And here's how you can be a Challenge for this girl even if you see her all the time: Smile when you see her, but let her talk to you first. Hold yourself back. Think of it as an exercise in Self-Control.

You don't have to ask her about her father, dude. Like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts says, "She knows if her old man is a bigot or not, right?"

So, getting Kareena to talk is like pulling teeth. Like my cousin General Love says, "This one doesn't do anything above and beyond the call of duty!"

I don't know if it's good or bad that this babe is the silent type. But you're way ahead of yourself anyway. You have to call her up, get past her dad, who's a possible blocker, and make sure she shows up at Starbucks. They're the essentials here, and the only things you should be worrying about. Next, you have to get nine big dates in with her where you pick her up at her house. After that you worry about the other stuff, like why she's not a chatterbox.

So like my cousin Sal "The Fish" Love says, "Just do what I tell you, Biff, and you'll be fine."

... unless ofcourse she is Indian Muslim. Because her family will kill her.

Her fam would kill her either way. Asians can be some of the most race conscious(read: bigoted) people there are when it comes to dating. They've got to protect their precious place on the totem pole, so they'd have no problem dating a white person. But it's frowned upon greatly to date a black person. I participate on a few asian forums, and you'd be surprised how often I hear things like "I'd date white, hispanic, and asian but not black" or "I dated a black person once, but s/he was really light skinned so it was okay."

You are very, very correct.

I don't understand why he would advise anyone waiting for a whole week to call. Sorry, but if a guy took a whole week to call me, especially if I saw him every day, then that tells me that 1) he is not interested or 2) he's a jerk. Whatever interest I may have had would evaporate.

quote:

Originally posted by UppityNegress:


I don't understand why he would advise anyone waiting for a whole week to call. Sorry, but if a guy took a whole week to call me, especially if I saw him every day, then that tells me that 1) he is not interested or 2) he's a jerk. Whatever interest I may have had would evaporate.

...but if Denzel called you a week later you would find a way to forgive him and go on that dat he was asking you to. I think that the writer is saying is that women have the ability to treat any man like they would brad pitt, denzel, blair underwood, or whoever she had high interest level in. waiting a week let's the guy test you to see if you like him or not.

quote:

Originally posted by Paet:
Her fam would kill her either way. Asians can be some of the most race conscious(read: bigoted) people there are when it comes to dating. They've got to protect their precious place on the totem pole, so they'd have no problem dating a white person. But it's frowned upon greatly to date a black person. I participate on a few asian forums, and you'd be surprised how often I hear things like "I'd date white, hispanic, and asian but not black" or "I dated a black person once, but s/he was really light skinned so it was okay."

Nothing new under the sun here!