.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Khalliqa,

I'm just stuck on the fact that you won't call him.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: caribbeanflavored,

----------------------------------------------
College = being broke for 4 years

take a deep breath, chill and call him. It might just make HIS day too.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: FireFly,

How do you "improve relations" with men by letting them take risks and giving them no indication whatsoever that it was worthwhile taking the risk? ...

Meanwhile cooing to other people about how great the gesture was? ...

You just make it more likely that the brotha will not do that again - if he was truly sincere to begin with ... Why put yourself out there for nothing? ... That is increasingly the feeling I have about gestures like that ... since I'm precisely the type of guy that makes such gestures ... My experience is that the returns are very small ... I'm increasingly reluctant to do stuff like that ...

Since you were giving a "message" to us men ... I thought I'd send a message back ...

Anyway, I'm done .... Could not resist putting in my 2 cents ..

This message has been edited. Last edited by: HonestBrother,

I'M AN ELITIST TOO.

Okay, you're right and I'm wrong....

quote:

Originally posted by virtue:
Okay, you're right and I'm wrong....

No... you're right and I'm wrong ....

See...

It's possible to agree on something....

Dayum! Almost every time I click on a post started by my sister Virtue, the original post has been deleted and all that is left are answers that make no dayum sense. Does anyone care to share what the issue here was? Sandye's out of the loop!

sandye, don't waste your eyesight.

quote:

Originally posted by Sandye:
Dayum! Almost every time I click on a post started by my sister Virtue, the original post has been deleted and all that is left are answers that make no dayum sense. Does anyone care to share what the issue here was? Sandye's out of the loop!

A gentleman at a store told me "that my mind was like honeysuckle" and that he wanted to get to know me better... he said this on a day when I felt extremely unpretty and unfeminine.... he gave me his number... but later I threw it away...

and the fact that I suggested to brothers that giving a kind word to a sister was a good thing (because the brother's words made me feel so valuable and "pretty" after being slightly depressed), but had no plans on allowing the brother to pursue his interests, upset HB.... he thought this was bad advice because it would deter brother's from making the effort, hence his response...

I erased it because I shared something very personal that I had a positive view about and wanted to share..... it turned negative... so I deemed something so private that I enjoyed not worthy of public scrutiny if it would've been taken negatively.....

I hope that clears the misunderstanding....


**update--- would you know it?? I ran into this guy at the Supermarket yesterday....

but, I thought he didn't see me.... and wouldn't you know it? I wasn't looking my best yesterday either... (whaeva) I'd had a long day at work and changed into jogging pants before picking up my children... anyhoo...

yep....

as I went to my car he shouted "Ms. B!"

then he said "Where are the children?" I said I was going to pick them up...

He asked if I lived in the area.... I said, "sorta"....

there was a little awkardness... and he just asked "when can I see you again?" and I'm thinking "When I look better".... lol...

no, seriously.... I told him I don't date... but if he was interested in me.... then he'd have to be interested in Islam....

so I told him to go to the Mosque...

he looked disappointed

but... ahhhh well.. que sera sera...


Peace,
Virtue

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Khalliqa,

quote:

Originally posted by virtue:
and the fact that I suggested to brothers that giving a kind word to a sister was a good thing (because the brother's words made me feel so valuable and "pretty" after being slightly depressed), but had no plans on allowing the brother to pursue his interests, upset HB.... he thought this was bad advice because it would deter brother's from making the effort, hence his response...

"upset" is not the word I would use to describe my reaction ...

The odd thing is that you are commending to us brothas the actions of another brotha in a scenario that was positive only for you ...

What is it about black women and the need to exact some type of "obedience"/ "submission" out of a brotha before he even gets through the door?

Upset? ... Nah... Just fascinated by the paradox of women who claim to seek "gods", achievers, world conquerors etc, etc. and then make the number one requirement of him "submission" to some other man's system ...

Perhaps we don't have more "gods" among us because the only things we reward are obedience and conformity? ...

This message has been edited. Last edited by: HonestBrother,

I'M AN ELITIST TOO.

quote:

Originally posted by HonestBrother:
The odd thing is that you are commending to us brothas the actions of another brotha in a scenario that was positive only for you ...

But HB, that's only how you see it...
I didn't view my experience this way.... see, I didn't perceive the brother expressing his favor for me as a way to get a date.... I saw him being honest and appreciative.... "in the moment".....

I didn't see him doing this as a way to be "rewarded"..... and in my state my appreciation of his vulnerability and recognition was a sincere "thank you".... I did not owe him more than this....

in this way it was a mutual positive experience.... hence why when he saw me again, he wanted to get closer, because he still had positive feelings... and his initial offer was a request, not a demand from me in response to a compliment....

quote:

What is it about black women and the need to exact some type of "obedience"/ "submission" out of a brotha before he even gets through the door?

Upset? ... Nah... Just fascinated by the paradox of women who claim to seek "gods", achievers, world conquerors etc, etc. and then make the number one requirement of him "submission" to some other man's system ...

Perhaps we don't have more "gods" among us because the only things we reward are obedience and conformity? ...

not going there with you...


Peace,
Virtue

quote:

Originally posted by virtue:
I didn't see him doing this as a way to be "rewarded"..... and in my state my appreciation of his vulnerability and recognition was a sincere "thank you".... I did not owe him more than this....

Perhaps you are right about this ...

quote:

in this way it was a mutual positive experience.... hence why when he saw me again, he wanted to get closer, because he still had positive feelings... and his initial offer was a request, not a demand from me in response to a compliment....

But I wonder if his experience continues to be positive:

quote:

so I told him to go to the Mosque...

he looked disappointed

but... ahhhh well.. que sera sera...

Again, it seem to me that you have issued an invitation to us brothas to beat our heads against a wall ...

quote:

Originally posted by HonestBrother:

quote:

so I told him to go to the Mosque...

he looked disappointed

but... ahhhh well.. que sera sera...

Again, it seem to me that you have issued an invitation to us brothas to beat our heads against a wall ...

I issued no invitation to this brother initially.... He chose to pursue me...

I was sparing resentment later by being honest..

brother...

I've come to realize that I can not in good conscience enter courtship with a man that does not share my faith.....

the invitation to show him where my heart lies (ISLAM) was a gift, because of his kindness, and my being flattered by his manner, if he so chose to pursue it....

the sigh and que sera .. at the end... was MY disappointment in HIS disappointment...

He only knew what I looked like and how I held a short conversation.... he did not deem it necessary to TRULY know what made me tick....

so, my response was an "ahh well" in that it was a loss....

I did not owe him acceptance of HIS invitation...



***cannot respond further... will respond later this evening possibly...

Peace,
Virtue

quote:

Originally posted by virtue:

quote:

Originally posted by HonestBrother:

quote:

so I told him to go to the Mosque...

he looked disappointed

but... ahhhh well.. que sera sera...

Again, it seem to me that you have issued an invitation to us brothas to beat our heads against a wall ...

I issued no invitation to this brother initially.... He chose to pursue me...

I'm not referring to that guy ... What I was referring to was that it seemed your motivation for starting his thread was to encourage us brothas to do as this guy did - an invitation to us if you will ...

My main point was that given all the facts, what motivation would we have to follow this man's example?

If your only aim was to share a positive experience that you had, then I stand corrected ... and there is no real need for you to respond unless you want to ...

quote:

I've come to realize that I can not in good conscience enter courtship with a man that does not share my faith.....

Speaking as a man that submits to no man, I believe that you don't desire a "god" or a world conqueror ... you desire a man that shares your faith ... that is a respectable desire ... good luck ...

This message has been edited. Last edited by: HonestBrother,

I'M AN ELITIST TOO.

Sigh... friggin' addicted to this site... my "boss" is going to have a fit in a minute, if I don't quit logging on! lol!

quote:

Originally posted by HonestBrother:


I'm not referring to that guy ... What I was referring to was that it seemed your motivation for starting his thread was to encourage us brothas to do as this guy did - an invitation to us if you will ...

My main point was that given all the facts, what motivation would we have to follow this man's example?

If your only aim was to share a positive experience that you had, then I stand corrected ... and there is no real need for you to respond unless you want to ...

My intent wasn't dating advice...

I can see disappointment if it was viewed that way... My point was what happens when a man looks at a woman's spirit and not her body... and what happens when a man offers a kind word...

he spreads goodness all around him and endears those to be near him..... the brother created a beautiful space in time....

no matter the result, whenever I see him, I will be endeared to him.... all relationships between men and women need not be sexual or the promise thereof....

I appreciated him..... and he lifted me... yes... I wanted to share that.....

if one expects to find out what "he" got out of it only...

then outside of the peace of mind that comes from offering kindness to a wounded sister? .....

nothing...

quote:

quote:

I've come to realize that I can not in good conscience enter courtship with a man that does not share my faith.....

Speaking as a man that submits to no man, I believe that you don't desire a "god" or a world conqueror ... you desire a man that shares your faith ... that is a respectable desire ... good luck ...

you are entitled to your definition of "god" and the process thereof...

and so am I...

to you be your way and to me mine...

Peace,
Virtue

I understand your point ... about the brotha spreading goodness around him ... about the fact that not every relationship need be sexual ... about the goodness of compliments and simple appreciation ... this is all good ... and in principle, I totally agree with you ...

But if every sista and her momma is requiring conversion to her religion (as many do), this thing ain't gone work ...

I can appreciate your mind withouut converting to your religion ... I've read the Koran ... I've read many Sufi poets ... I've read a lot of things ... and appreciated a lot of things... For all you know, that brotha was Jesus in the flesh ...

You think it's so great that he looked at your spirit instead of yor body and gave you a compliment ... Why don't you return the favor and look at his spirit instead of his religion???? Everyone knows you can be as religious as you want and still be an awful person .... Didn't your ex-husband, after all, share your religion? ...

Whatever happened to

quote:

Having said that, I reiterate that I believe that gods and goddesses are personal representations (i.e. symbols) of All That Is/the balance/Tao. There is no right religion or wrong religion or lack thereof. There are only paths, an infinite number of them, of which we can choose to walk on.

I believe that religion and mythology work best when their concepts remain fluid. With literalization, the symbolic meaning is lost. A surface meaning is open to instant ridicule or unthinking praise.

????????????????????


Please forgive a brotha who is frustrated to hell dealing with black women and their religion fixation ...

It's enough to make you date white women ...

This message has been edited. Last edited by: HonestBrother,

I'M AN ELITIST TOO.

quote:

Originally posted by Honestbrother:
It's enough to make you date white women ...

You already do...



Peace,
Virtue

quote:

Originally posted by virtue:

quote:

Originally posted by Honestbrother:
It's enough to make you date white women ...

You already do...

Peace,
Virtue

If I've ever dated white women, one of the main reasons has been black female religiosity ...

I've made a self-conscious choice to be patient and date only black women ... I have for years ...

I'm beginning to question the wisdom of that choice ...

I understand the value of kind and encouraging words; but I wonder how long bruh practiced that LINE in the mirror.