My mothers' job is having thier annual christmas party tonight. She could'nt find a suitable date, so she asked me if I would go with her. I said "sure". She asked me, but seemed hesitant about it so I questioned her about it. She said she was'nt sure if I wanted to be "seen" out with my mother in a "social party" setting. Now, why the hell would'nt I want to be seen out with the woman that gave birth to and raised me for Gods sake?! Do I look like a character from a white tv sitcom? Luckily, my bottle of Seagrims Gin brought back to her senses.
Black Men, are we being "conditioned" too much by what we are subjected to on tv and movies? I have heard and witnessed guys that treat their mothers like its an episode from "That 70s Show". Is it pandemic or just isolated dudes that do this? Personally I think its nuts (not to mention rude and disrespectful). Opinions please..........

I can't speak for men, but I believe EVERYONE is too influenced by what they see on TV and at the movies. IMHO, they both present a 'group morality' to be digested consciously or unconsciously. For better or worse.

...usually to create the type of anxiety to make people rush out to buy some self-improvment product.

To me, it creates a 'generic thinking', but I maybe I should just stop now before y'all think I am toooooo cynical.

Maybe it's my advertising background.

I don't know if the problem can be laid solely at the feet of T.V.

There has been a change in our society and in the family. Parents don't seem to want to parent. And yes, too many let T.V and video games do the job for them.

I just saw a news report a few days ago about people HIRING someone to come and do certain jobs parents use to do like teach a child how to ride a bike or potty train the child.

SAD!!

We are all a little disconnected in this society. Technology has something to do with it. Look at us here. I'm sure most of us have social lives outside this forum but some have said that they don't have a problem not interacting with others do to drama issues.

That's why my wife and I want to try and have TRADITIONS in our home for your child/children.

So I don't think we are conditioned so much by T.V. but by our interactions with others.

just back on topic now my darn internet connection has sped back up...

I think your mum is being respectful and thoughtful by feeling a bit hesitant about asking you.

Any mum would be pleased and flattered if her son said yes! If I had a son and that happened, I sure would.

She probably also feels a little 'obvious' not having a date. Sounds like you two get on really well. That is something to really celebrate and be proud of.
.

While I agree with what you say Midlifeman, I do think a lot of people's expectations and values are shaped by TV and film. Both have a very powerful influence. And that suprises me because today's schooling includes Media Studies and Media Criticism.

Of course, everyone has choice if they choose to exercise it, but after a long day at work, most people prefer the option of not questioning things, and having info-tainment wash over them.

Film and most other media is more edited than ever before, and never spontaneous. Countless hours and dollars are spent in production, creating and editing and the message it contains.

Television is a powerful background influence because it IS passive. At least the interent IS interactive.
.

quote:

Originally posted by xxGAMBITxx:
Black Men, are we being "conditioned" too much by what we are subjected to on tv and movies? I have heard and witnessed guys that treat their mothers like its an episode from "That 70s Show". Is it pandemic or just isolated dudes that do this? Personally I think its nuts (not to mention rude and disrespectful). Opinions please.

Here is my opinion. I see just the opposite taking place, particularly in Black communities. As a result of not having a father who is an active and visible member of the family, Black boys tend to have very strong relationships with their mothers. Unlike men representing nonblack races, African American males are more likely to be deemed as "mama's boys," they are more likely to be overprotective of their mothers, AND to allow their mothers to direct their relationships with other women. Consequently, the bond between a Black male and his mother is often times closer than the bonds he forms with other people. What is interesting, however, is that I notice the young men who have the closest bond with their mothers seem to possess the LEAST amount of respect for younger females. That makes no sense to me. They will call Black women bitches and hoes in a rap song all day long, but say something about their "Mamma"...

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Rowe,

quote:

Originally posted by Rowe:

quote:

Originally posted by xxGAMBITxx:
Black Men, are we being "conditioned" too much by what we are subjected to on tv and movies? I have heard and witnessed guys that treat their mothers like its an episode from "That 70s Show". Is it pandemic or just isolated dudes that do this? Personally I think its nuts (not to mention rude and disrespectful). Opinions please.

Here is my opinion. I see just the opposite taking place, particularly in Black communities. As a result of not having a father who is an active and visible member of the family, Black boys tend to have very strong relationships with their mothers. Unlike other men representing other races, African American males are more likely to be deemed as "mama's boys," they are much more likely to be overprotective of their mothers, AND to allow their mothers to direct their relationships with other women. Consequently, the bond between a Black male and his mother is often times closer than the bonds he forms with other people. What is interesting, however, is that I notice that the young men who have the closest relationship with their mothers seem to possess the LEAST amount of respect for younger females. That makes no sense to me. They will call Black women bitches and hoes in a rap song all night long, but say something about their "Mamma"...

As a young man, I love my mother and depending on the situation, I would not mind going out with my mother to accompany her on her outtings. But with regards to what Rowe said, there is a limit to the relationship of a man and his mother after the guy reaches a certain age (28 or higher?). Unfortunately, the bond or may I say umbilical cord, seems to be too tight or strong between some men and their respective mothers. The reasons are many but a few were highlighted earlier but include the excessive need of support of the man by his mother and the excessive need of attention and desire to direct/control her son in the name of what is best for the man.
I am currently dealing with this issue. I am 31 yet my mother (and dad) insist that I should do what they want as they know what is best for me. I argue that at the age of 31, if I cannot figure out what I want for myself, I might as well just call it quits for now. The issue of contention is that my parents feel that I should run to Nigeria to marry some 20 yearold because she is untainted by the American feminist spirit. The problem is I am not very Nigerian....tried to tell them that to no avail...I am very much an American at heart and have no desire to date or marry any Nigerian; been there, done that!
My point is as a man, it is great to love and respect one's mother as such is expected but there comes a time when a man must leave the house, cut the umbilical cord that binds and take on some form of self-responsibility. I personally do not think the images on TV has much to do with the reality of black men relationships and their mothers; it is more an issue of cultural reality, expectations and how the two interact.

Gambit, I would love to go to a holiday party (or anywhere else) just to dance with my Father again. If she were asking you to go out and chill, that would be different. This is a special event for her (by this time I am sure it is over). I certainly hope that you went with her.

quote:

Originally posted by Sandye:
Gambit, I would love to go to a holiday party (or anywhere else) just to dance with my Father again. If she were asking you to go out and chill, that would be different. This is a special event for her (by this time I am sure it is over). I certainly hope that you went with her.

Oh I went alright.

Spent the whole night hearing "So your Joyces son? The one in the Air Force right? Thanks for serving/spreading freedom/protecting us, blah blah blah..."

It was like being trapped at a Republicin Convention and the exit was blocked by Dennis Hasert.

quote:

Originally posted by folobatuyi:
My point is as a man, it is great to love and respect one's mother as such is expected but there comes a time when a man must leave the house, cut the umbilical cord that binds, and take on some form of self-responsibility.

I don't want to suggests that Gambit's agreeing to go out with his mom is indicative of being a "momma's boy." I admire the relationship that he has developed with his mom. However, I also think culture plays a part in this issue. Generally speaking, nonwhite groups, including African Americans, tend to have stronger family bonds. I'm sure that such a bond also influences the relationship a Black mother has with her son.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Rowe,

quote:

I am currently dealing with this issue. I am 31 yet my mother (and dad) insist that I should do what they want as they know what is best for me. I argue that at the age of 31, if I cannot figure out what I want for myself, I might as well just call it quits for now. The issue of contention is that my parents feel that I should run to Nigeria to marry some 20 yearold because she is untainted by the American feminist spirit. The problem is I am not very Nigerian....tried to tell them that to no avail...I am very much an American at heart and have no desire to date or marry any Nigerian; been there, done that!

I say this with the best intentions... every mother needs to learn one thing or suffer heartbreak further down the road. If a parent (particularly mothers) pushes their own agenda onto others either of 2 things happen: the child/adult becomes stifled and unhappy, or, the child/adult pushes the mother away to avoid conflict.
Of course the above post is in the context of an African American family, however the issue is a universal one: mothers v children.

It has happend with my family and to a few of my friends. Issues like this don't magically solve themselves. They take work and communication and sometimes tears and resentment.

The adult children of the family need the tools (love and confidence and nurturing) and the freedom to make their own choices and to enable them to develop and to survive in a competitive world. My 2 cents.
.

quote:

Originally posted by xxGAMBITxx:

quote:

Originally posted by Sandye:
Gambit, I would love to go to a holiday party (or anywhere else) just to dance with my Father again. If she were asking you to go out and chill, that would be different. This is a special event for her (by this time I am sure it is over). I certainly hope that you went with her.

Oh I went alright.

Spent the whole night hearing "So your Joyces son? The one in the Air Force right? Thanks for serving/spreading freedom/protecting us, blah blah blah..."

It was like being trapped at a Republicin Convention and the exit was blocked by Dennis Hasert.

Im glad you went............sometimes putting a smile on a parents face, is priceless.

Having lost my father (and rhe love of her life) to cancer 3 years ago if my mother asks, I go.

I guess I am fortunate that my parents were both around to raise mentally and socially healthy men.

There has to be a balance in the relationship between a man and his mother neither canbe a surrogate spouse for the other. There have to be boundaries and it sounds like your mother recognized and respects those boundaries Gambit.

quote:

What is interesting, however, is that I notice the young men who have the closest bond with their mothers seem to possess the LEAST amount of respect for younger females. That makes no sense to me. They will call Black women bitches and hoes in a rap song all day long, but say something about their "Mamma"...

I've noticed this as well.

Glad to hear you went, Gambit!

quote:

What is interesting, however, is that I notice the young men who have the closest bond with their mothers seem to possess the LEAST amount of respect for younger females. That makes no sense to me.

If this is so, then what does that say about mothers rasing sons? If any thing. Why WOULD a man with a good mother and image of a women treat women so badly.

Gambit said--

quote:

She asked me, but seemed hesitant about it so I questioned her about it. She said she was'nt sure if I wanted to be "seen" out with my mother in a "social party" setting.

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I know how your mother feels from a different perspctive. Not now, but when my sons were teenagers they wanted me to walk in front or behind them when we were out in the public, because I looked like their age rather than like their mother and this conflicted with their ability to attract females...
*********************************************

IMHO it is rude and disrepectful to not want to be in your mother's company in a social setting. I am glad you accompanied her...

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Years later my sons reflected back on what
they said as teenagers and were apologetic
for what they'd said...and wondered how
they could have been so callous...
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quote:

Originally posted by MidLifeMan:
If this is so, then what does that say about mothers raising sons? If anything. Why WOULD a man with a good mother and image of a women treat women so badly.

Unfortunately in Black communities, particularly in urban Black communities, the term "bitch" is used as an equivalent to the commonly-heard term "nigga." Last weekend I watched an old episode of HBO's P-Diddy's Comedy Special, featuring novice and veteran comediens. Comediens used the terms bitch and nigga loosely and the audience, made up of mostly Blacks, laughed and had a good time with it. Some audience members like these obscenities because they are a familiar words and the people with whom they readily identify (e.g., friends, family, and peers) all use it too. Others ignore the obscenties, choosing to focus on the series of stories being told.

Last night, I saw parts of Chris Rock's Bigger and Blacker, he used the term bitch over a dozen times, I lost count. The white people and the black people laughed and had a good time with it. I laughed too, not because I use the term bitch, but because the context in which the term was used was funny. Comediens have a way with words. People will not stop using the words nigga and bitch. These words are now permanent fixtures in American English's cussing vocabulary. All that you can do is to choose not to use these words in your own conversations. The only time that I may use these words is when I am really, really mad and someone pissed me off. I use the word bitch more often than the nigga word, but that is only because, in the school system, many of your co-workers are women.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Rowe,

Of course we're too conditioned by what we see in TV & Movies; how do you explain the fact that many hopeless blacks (including me, sometimes)let their history happen behind their backs - ignoring the resorcefulness, resilience & creativity that our ancestors used in the face of situations more dire than staying out of jail or getting a man? Anyway, I go out with my mom every now & again; I've been doing it ever since she gave birth to me; it's alright cuz the social constraints are more relaxed with my Mom- you don't have to be "ON" all the time. Maybe it's isolated, cuz I don't see alot of black guys make a big deal out of this.