Page 1 2
|
Go
|
New
|
Find
|
Notify
|
Tools
|
Reply
|
|
A1 |
Are you actively looking for a partner? Do men ever actually do that??
Much has been said about what women - black women in this instance - want from/in a man. So, if we flip the script, are you men finding what you want? Whether it is casual or long term? What do you want and WHO are looking for? Are you meeting the women you want to meet or not? If not, why not? Or are you not really 'looking' anyway? Quite a few men on this site are married, so for you the question is were you actively looking for a partner, or did it happen out of the blue? . . '...all of us who care about the truth must assist you in finding the resources to tell it.' Ken Burns, Documentary Filmmaker. |
||
|
|
C3 |
Not right now. It seems that whenever I am actively seeking someone, I don't meet quality women. When I am not looking for a relationship anyone or when I am in a relationship, then they seek me.
I do find it difficult to meet SINGLE women as most of the women I meet are already in relationships. Dating seems to be difficult for most people, not just black women. Am I meeting the women I want to meet? No. I have a busy schedule and haven't had a lot of time for social events. Also, a lot of the women I meet have a "I'm going to play you, before you play me attitude." I assume that they have been wronged in the past and are just trying to protect themselves, and I can definitely understand being cautious. However, whenever I encounter a woman like this, I lose interest and withdraw...instead of dealing with a 100 carefully selected mind games. Whether it is casual or long term? What do you want and WHO are looking for? 3 things: friendship loyalty sexual attraction |
|||
|
A4 |
3 things I'm after are loyalty, intelligence and femininity. Yeah I said it!  Too many women today think they have to "man up" to 24/7 to protect themeselves. That gets old fast......  "Knowing is not enough, we must apply. Willing is not enough, we must do."----Bruce Lee "The Tao of Jeet Kune Do" |
|||
|
C2 |
Happened out of the blue via mutual female friends.
I think you really have to keep your eyes and mind open. Sometimes the person you want is not the one you need. |
|||
|
|
D2 |
Me, looking? No,not right now. And yes, we men actually DO actively seek out a partner...I know it's hard to believe, considering that alot of us like to fuck anything that moves.
Am I finding what I want? Yes...No..well it's complicated. What I'm finding is alot of angry, pissed-off black women; correction: alot of sexy, attractive, educated, pissed-off black women- you see my ambivalence? What I want? I want a women who CAN EXPLICITLY STATE what she wants to bring to/ get out of a relationship- instead just wanting a man just so he can be a meaningless fixture in her life. I want a woman who: 1) gotta big-ass 2)got her own life & is financially secure 3)got goals 4)don't take her bitterness out on me, yet acts pleasant to everybody else (I fuckin hate that shit, especially when it's her time of the month!!) 5) is wiling to be held accountable for what she says & does. 6)reciprocates oral-sex & likes my tongue up her ass (...well you asked) 7) appreciates that I'm a man, and as such, I don't have the same high-level of verbal stamina that she has; if we gonna have long conversations, a brotha's gonna need an intermission or a playstation break or somethin...damn let a brotha power-down & drink some fuckin gatorade to replenish his fluids,damn! I'm not looking for a partner cuz I just can't find anybody who loves me as much as I do...just kiddin; it's cuz (as a man)I'm still a work in progress. But what excites me about finding a partner is when I fantasize about "her"; first, I rid myself of all the bitterness, insecurities, self-consciousness & destructive pre-concieved notions about love, then my fantasies about "her", "us" & "our children" makes me SOOOOOOO euphoric it becomes addictive like a drug; this mind-set reminds me of what I'm shooting for...shit when it comes to finding a partner why get stressed-out by focusing on all the bad stuff when I could get blissed-out?! |
|||
|
D2 |
I'm married: I planned, and wanted and sought to be married, so...let's see. From 13 to 30 years of age I spent the period of my life having my character strengthened in the environs of Detroit. You must understand, when Sistas' talk about the man they desire, the man they long for and want to marry, this image they have in their minds and what I am are two completely different things. (trust me on this, when you're on a date, and this date abandons you at the club for a guy she met on the dance floor, tells you to your face that she likes you as a pal, but never as a lover"”you get the hint. After fifteen times, you get the hint...Okay; I am 5 foot, six inches tall. I only have a H.S. diploma"”though I'm in the IT business"”I'm going bald and I wear glasses. I have never had a Sista smile and respond in kind when I bid her "Good morning, good afternoon or good evening." They'd simply huff and turn away, or tell not to "waste their time, or "I would never..."
For years I'd hang with my more attractive friends and watch them toy with wonderful women"”I always drove, because they seldom went home after the bar closed. I learned to keep a stiff upper-lip and smile, be polite and enjoy the evening out. When I met my wife, I was not looking. She asked me out first, and I turned her down. We made a date, and I purposely stood her up. She waited a month, and then came at me through a co-worker"”eleven years later; I'm happily married with four kids. (Who would have thought?) This wonderful woman is nothing like I expected. One, she's beautiful"”I'm not just saying that, she made good cash modeling for one of Detroit's larger AD agencies. I (and all of her girlfriends!) figured she'd easily have snagged a Doctor, Lawyer or Engineer...but no, she says she's quite happy with me. She's determined, disciplined, loyal, and dedicated to her family. She has a highly cultivated sense of honor...she's even-tempered. Now, I didn't have a particular type of woman in mind...just someone I could love, devote myself to and who would return my love and devotion...and I was lucky enough to have her find me... . . "Sure, the Son will forgive you; yet it is the Father who will judge..." |
|||
|
|
A1 |
thayfen, that is cool as...
 I think your woman worked hard to snag you coz your warmth and empathy shine through.  So she is not only beautiful, but smart too. . . '...all of us who care about the truth must assist you in finding the resources to tell it.' Ken Burns, Documentary Filmmaker. |
|||
|
|
A1 |
You are just so honest I almost want to kiss ya!! As opposite as you and I are, I always dig an honest person - especially a man. You are a 'shot in the arm, lol!' . . '...all of us who care about the truth must assist you in finding the resources to tell it.' Ken Burns, Documentary Filmmaker. |
|||
|
|
A1 |
Yup, I think that's the thing. '...all of us who care about the truth must assist you in finding the resources to tell it.' Ken Burns, Documentary Filmmaker. |
|||
|
A1 |
dating currently. when i'm not dating seriously, i usually put no effort in the dating world. women usually approach me [alot of times at church], if i'm interested I will look into it. If not, i will not bother. I'm at an age now [30] where I can sit back and wait on love. I'm happy with my current girlfriend, no plan of marriage as of right now, but who knows. things that I look for: must be a giver [must pay her tithes and be Christian, of course] loves to read enjoys going out on the town [must like Jazz] in shape childless can debate a point without making a big argument |
|||
|
B5 |
I am married and I certainly was not looking for a wife when I met her 26 years ago. I had it in my head that I was going to have sex with as many women as I could before I died. Women of all cultures, sizes and shapes. Woman who spoke english, japanese, yoruba and every other language on the face of the earth.
Then I met her and all that stuff ceased. The first time I heard her voice on the phone I knew she was the queen for me. I just thank Olodumare and my ancestors that I had enough sense to recognize her and do the right thing when I had the chance. The cat has arrived, rats disappear. Yoruba proverb. |
|||
|
B3 |
I stopped looking a long time ago. I don't believe in "dating". It implies that the relationship is serious when you haven't even gotten to know someone. I prefer "exploring the boundaries of our relationship".
I married in my late 20s. It didn't last a year. I just "hung out" and finished college after that. I wasn't looking when I meet a woman (right after buying my house) who I dated for almost 4 years. After that break up, I stuck to myself again and had become content with the notion that I would be alone for the rest of my life - the dating process was horrendous. My wife and I had known each other for a few years as associates. One day I asked her out on a date, knew she was the one, and asked her to marry me after only 7 months. I know a lot of guys who are looking and want to find "the one". But the dating scene seems to be getting worse. Bitter "professional" women are abundant. _______________________ "Morality cannot be legislated but behaviour can be regulated. Judicial decrees may not change the heart but they can restrain the heartless." Martin Luther King. |
|||
|
|
C3 |
Oh so very true my friend. |
|||
|
A1 |
That's an interesting sentiment. I happen to be one of the many men to agree with this one. I also notice that the women that actively seek me have alot in common with eachother. They always have almost everything I'm looking for, which ALMOST led me to believe that 'women know best'. Meaning they know how to meet my preferences better than I can articulate or conceptualize. I say ALMOST because these are the women (excluding genetics) who make men prematurly lose their hair and hair line, I call em' stress magnets. The women I choose however are almost always the most peaceful and simple, but I consistenly mess that up, so I'm kinda at a stand still right now. Do I let em' choose me and stress me the hell out? or Do I trust myself to pursue them and have the maturity meet the emotional requirements set by the Lady of the Foxhole? THAT TYPE OF HONESTY IS BELOW MY PAYGRADE. |
|||
|
D2 |
I am looking and at 31, I have just realized how to look and what to look for in a sista.
I used to think that who you ended up with was based on fate and timing; now I believe in strategy. For instance, the company I work for is headquartered downtown in this huge complex full of the type of black women that I am trying to hook up with. I love my short visits there for meetings because of all the top-notch sistas that work there. I've been pleading with my supervisors for the last six months to transfer my work location there so that I can mingle and rub elbows with this caliber of women. Thing is, outside of that atmosphere, I don't know where else sistas of that stature congregate. I mean sistas that speak proper English (not to be confused with white slang). Certainly not in the clubs; that's like looking for fillet mignon in the garbage (with few exceptions). All phenomena are characterized by "unity" through the complementarity of masculine and feminine principles – Memphite theology |
|||
|
|
D2 |
Detroit1: What do say, my Brother! Assuming you mean the RenCen (I'm in Dearborn, IT, The Glass House.) then my advice to you would be simply this: Just make it a point to circulate"”whether you are in a Club (Don't knock 'em!) or Church, or even the book store, please remember just as you can see the women, they can see you. I have observed"”directly"”when in masses of people there are women who watch a guy enter, watch how he interacts with those in close proximity to him, and what he does when other women pass by him. Now, and here's the trick, you have to become a creature of habit"”the woman you want may hang back for a week or two. She's going to check you hard. Maybe you go to panera bread with a laptop, or just sit and read a thick book while sipping coffee in a trendy café. What ever, she'll approach you when she's sure you're not the typical dog. Yet, you must beware"”the women you don't want will approach first! You know what I mean: stand by you, stand in your way while you walk toward...whatever. Drop things next to you, so that you'll pick it up. Crash their shopping cart into yours at the supermarket...learn diplomacy. Don't "dress to empress", and for god's sake, get rid of that damn B.M.W.! . . "Sure, the Son will forgive you; yet it is the Father who will judge..." |
|||
|
|
B3 |
You don't look for flowers in the junk yard. You go to where they are cultivated. If you want intelligent women - bookstores, book clubs (that's how I met my wife), book signings. If want professional try business organizations like the Urban League (my wife also did work for them). You can always take the direct approach and ask them. _______________________ "Morality cannot be legislated but behaviour can be regulated. Judicial decrees may not change the heart but they can restrain the heartless." Martin Luther King. |
|||
|
|
A1 |
very good advice Set up a situation where she'll have to talk to you or you just don't meet. Signle women with very high interest will approach you in this setting. It happened for me and my friends dozens of times. God Bless |
|||
|
|
A1 |
volunteer good, giving women volunteer. The ratio is usually like 20 to 1, woman to man. Her heart of gold is also a good quality. Goldiggers and other selfish types will never do anything for someone else, especially when they have get no personal benefits from it. God bless |
|||
|
|
D2 |
[QUOTE]Originally posted by thayfen:
whether you are in a Club (Don't knock 'em!) or Church, Yeah, the fine sistas do turn out at Sunday service in the bigger churches: Perfecting/Greater Grace Don't "dress to empress", I figured that out a long time ago; the "laundry-day" look must be in style or something. All phenomena are characterized by "unity" through the complementarity of masculine and feminine principles – Memphite theology |
|||
|
| Previous Topic | Next Topic | powered by eve community | Page 1 2 |
 | Please Wait. Your request is being processed... |
|
|||
| Site | AfricanAmerica.org | ||
| Servlet | eve1da005 | ||
