I believe that if there is one thing that all men have in common... it's how irritated we get with women who say one thing and mean another (which would be most of them). For that reason, I found this article to be very entertaining... especially since it's written by a woman.


What She Says vs. What She Means

By Victoria Holmes


While you may come across a woman who means what she says and says what she means at some point in your life, chances are that you've probably had more encounters with women who do just the opposite. Many women have this insanely annoying habit of saying the complete opposite of what they mean, or even worse, asking you seemingly innocent questions that are really a highly orchestrated plot to test you at every possible opportunity.
I'm sure that like many men, you've unwittingly fallen victim to such behavior, which has left you puzzled, bewildered and even frustrated.

This isn't only bad for you, it's also bad for us women who don't engage in this strange practice, because then you end up trying to decode things that we actually meant to be taken literally; which often results in serious misunderstandings.

In the hopes of setting things straight once and for all -- and making you chuckle -- I have outlined some of the most widely used lines that women subject their men to, how you interpret them, and what she probably meant. I have also included suggestions on what you can do to circumvent this horrible form of miscommunication.


1- "I don't mind when you go to strip joints."

What you think: "My girlfriend is so cool! I need to call the guys right now and head down to Hooters!"

What she probably meant: "Not only can I not believe that you enjoy watching nearly naked gyrating skanks, but I abhor when you go to strip joints! If you really cared about me, you wouldn't even think about ever going to one again!"

The women who play this game do not understand that guys will always love to look at attractive women -- especially ones that are dancing for them, nearly naked and not playing any mind games with them -- and that it really has nothing to do with them at all.

Instead, they take you going to a strip joint as a personal insult to them, and are too insecure to even tell you so directly, so they try using reverse psychology -- which usually doesn't work out as they had hoped.

By telling you that they don't mind, they are hoping that you will turn around and say: "Why would I need to go to a filthy strip joint when I have all the woman I could possibly ever want to look at right now in front of me?"

But you took it at face value, and are still paying for it I'm sure. By going to the club, you not only became a male pig in her eyes, but you also became a thick male pig because you failed to grasp the meaning of such an obvious statement.

What to do next time: Take this statement with a grain of salt and don't get too excited. Don't go to a strip joint that night, or even the following night. But when you do decide to go ogle some big-chested blondes, and she tries to give you flack about it, gently remind her about what she said. She won't be able to say a word.


2- "If you weren't with me, which of my friends would you go for?"

What you think: "This is odd. She wants me to tell her how hot I think her friend Jennifer is. Okay then..."

What she probably meant: "Please tell me that you don't think my friend Jennifer is hotter than me."

Like the previous example, this is yet another test for her to determine if you love her in a way that she deems acceptable or not.

By asking you this question, she is hoping you'll tell her that you can't even picture being with anyone but her, and that, she is, by far, the prettiest of her friends.

What to do next time: Although I don't usually advocate lying, if you don't feel like spending the next few days profusely apologizing to your girlfriend for no reason -- and having your every exchange with Jennifer turn into a paranoid 'r' us convention -- then for God's sake man, do not reveal your said crush.

Try telling her what she wants to hear, and moving in for some action to back up your words of love. (Yes, this is a woman writing this).


3- "Tell me the truth: have I gained weight?"

What you think: "Well, she has been looking a little chunky lately... Here's my chance to make sure that this doesn't go any further. Is that ice cream in her hands?!?"

What she probably meant: "I'm feeling insecure about how I look. Tell me something reassuring."

This is a tough one because on one hand, you don't want to hurt your girlfriend's feelings, but you don't want to be dating a fat chick either. So what is a guy to do?

Tell me you didn't playfully tell her that she's giving Renee Zellweger in Bridget Jones's Diary a run for her money... You poor soul.

What to do next time: She may just be fishing for a compliment. If she really hasn't gained any weight, tell her that she looks fantastic and that she's being silly.

If she has gained over 10 pounds, and it doesn't seem to be stopping, maybe you can gently tell her that you've both put on a few pounds lately, and suggest that you both start going to the gym together.

By using the right tone and choosing your words wisely -- and showing her that you are willing to go to the gym with her -- you will at least make her feel like she has your support.


words of wisdom

It's sad but true: women don't always say what they mean. So don't fall prey to their traps. Try to see through their queries and comments as much as possible, and avoid any undue grief. But remember that some women actually do say what they mean (I know, you just can't win...).

http://www.askmen.com/dating/heidi_100/100_dating_girl.html


In short gentlemen... tell them as little as possible. That way, there is less for you to have to explain later.

words of wisdom

"It's sad but true: women don't always say what they mean. So don't fall prey to their traps."

hmmm....the same can be said of men - and then it's less of a 'fishing expedition' than all all-out con.
In fact... most men fall WILLINGLY into the trap! Either coz they think they are better players... or they lack willpower.
.

I agree with you, BV. I also agree that men and women have had difficulties communicating effectively since the beginning of time. IMHO, part of the reason that we have such difficulty is that there is a genuine effort on the parts of the communicators not to hurt feelings intentionally. If men and women communicated more like friends than like people involved in a relationship, I think the divorce rate would go way down and more people would consider entering relationships after one (or a hunnit) had soured.

Guess that's why I like my guy friends so much. The egg-shell walking turns on as the feelings heat up. Unfortunate, but perhaps someday men and women can be friends first and last and the lover/relationship part would just be an added bonus.

this article is very sad. Why can't women simply tell the truth?? Womenese is a confusing language. As for the 'trips to the strips', just do like I do. Tell her you are going to work to finish a project, go to the strip club with your friends, and shower off the titty glitter and baby oil at a friends house. It really aint that hard guys!!! i'm out


me

Yeah, the decoding of communication is a big source of frustration. But so is telling someone exactly what you are feeling/thinking and have them discount it in favor of what they think you're feeling/thinking

My wife does that all the time and I'm like: , "No, Dear when I said I don't care what restaurant we go to, I didn't mean that I secretly want to go to that new Italian joint that I've never been to before, but I just don't want to share that with you because I want to be a meal-time martyr. Besides, I really enjoy starving to death while we do the back and forth of me saying I don't care and you telling me to pick and me picking Mexican and you telling me that you're not feeling Mexican and me saying sea food and you saying that you have a taste for Thai. What I meant was I'm hungry and I can find something to eat on any menu. So, you pick because I don't care what restaurant we go to.

quote:

My wife does that all the time and I'm like: , "No, Dear when I said I don't care what restaurant we go to, I didn't mean that I secretly want to go to that new Italian joint that I've never been to before, but I just don't want to share that with you because I want to be a meal-time martyr. Besides, I really enjoy starving to death while we do the back and forth of me saying I don't care and you telling me to pick and me picking Mexican and you telling me that you're not feeling Mexican and me saying sea food and you saying that you have a taste for Thai. What I meant was I'm hungry and I can find something to eat on any menu. So, you pick because I don't care what restaurant we go to.

it's like deja vu. and i thought i was the only one with that problem.....


catch

quote:

Originally posted by ocatchings:

quote:

My wife does that all the time and I'm like: , "No, Dear when I said I don't care what restaurant we go to, I didn't mean that I secretly want to go to that new Italian joint that I've never been to before, but I just don't want to share that with you because I want to be a meal-time martyr. Besides, I really enjoy starving to death while we do the back and forth of me saying I don't care and you telling me to pick and me picking Mexican and you telling me that you're not feeling Mexican and me saying sea food and you saying that you have a taste for Thai. What I meant was I'm hungry and I can find something to eat on any menu. So, you pick because I don't care what restaurant we go to.

it's like deja vu. and i thought i was the only one with that problem.....


catch

You are not alone!!!!

quote:

Originally posted by kresge:

quote:

Originally posted by ocatchings:

quote:

My wife does that all the time and I'm like: , "No, Dear when I said I don't care what restaurant we go to, I didn't mean that I secretly want to go to that new Italian joint that I've never been to before, but I just don't want to share that with you because I want to be a meal-time martyr. Besides, I really enjoy starving to death while we do the back and forth of me saying I don't care and you telling me to pick and me picking Mexican and you telling me that you're not feeling Mexican and me saying sea food and you saying that you have a taste for Thai. What I meant was I'm hungry and I can find something to eat on any menu. So, you pick because I don't care what restaurant we go to.

it's like deja vu. and i thought i was the only one with that problem.....


catch

You are not alone!!!!

Got that right. When I was married, I went thru this shit everyday! I got to the point where I stopped trying to take her anywhere or get her anything. Hell I stopped talking to her altogether. She wanted to go out, I would drop a 20 spot on her and say "Whats stopping you?". I don't play the "guessing game" anymore. If I have to resort to consulting the Oracle at Delphi to deal with a woman, I'm ending the relationship quick and in a hurry.