as a black woman i know what i see, and what i hear from my black male friends as to what some of the day to day struggles black men face are.

i'd like to invite my brothers here on aa.org to partake in a discussion revolving around YOU.

1. Vent, share, teach, or explain the things that you deal with in your life, on your job, in your relationships that make it hard being a black man? what are the myths? what are the truths?


2. What is great about being a black man in society? what do you see as your advantages, your strengths, your achievements?
what are the myths, what are the truths?

and finally...

3. what do "you" think could make your existence easier, less hassled, more understood? what could black women (your sisters) do to make your lives easier?

let's try to keep this positive...

your sis,
nyk

red
BLACK
green

You are very wise Nykkii.

*Looks about* Oh geez, wrong forum for me! *Scampers out*

I don't know about the other brothas but you'd make me a very happy man if you let me kiss those big juicy lips. We can both be in bed somewhere naked and.....wait....oops....my bad.....my mind just got carried away with me for a moment. I'm back now. What was the question again???

Seriously, it would take a novel to truly answer all your questions. To sum it all up though I'd say she would have to have a strong love for self (not vanity, love) and a belief in God.

There are some black women I vibe with, we have that IMPLIED understanding, one person can start a sentence and the other could finish it. That kind of deep, spiritual love that is hard to describe to some people. Those are the kind who will have your back no matter what, will have no problem in letting you lead and be the man because she believes in you. Of course, the man has to live up to his responsibilities and carry his weight.

But no matter what life throws at you, she knows how you'd react to things even before you do. Those kind of sisthas can be scary at times because they can see things coming sometimes before you do. But you KNOW they are going to react in a way that is beneficial to the BOTH of you.

Personally, I love being a black man in this society, especially today. There are some advantages to being a black man that I wouldn't change for anything in the world.

One that I love is if you are a black man who can think on his feet. You catch quite a few people off guard with that one because they don't expect you to come at that angle.

thank you for taking the time to start on the novel darkbuck. i appreciate it!!

i'd like to see if i can get a little more out of you...aside from your daydreaming about my lips . lol, you had me daydreaming with you...but why is it always about the lips...?

back on topic:
you listed an advantage, but in your mind are there disadvantages to being a black man today?

are there any myths out there that a large portion of society believes about black men that are just unfounded? and are there things we believe that are absolutely true?

what kinds of things make it hard to be a black man today??

red
BLACK
green

Myths, truths...there are probably more myths than truths...a few are we are sports minded, don't know (or understand) technology, after women...regardless of ethnicity, always jovial, and aren't good with numbers. We also tend to get pushed to HR jobs, non-operationa positions, which hinder promotions, and EEO/AA, diversity work. The truth is that each one of us is different, just like them. Truths are that once we have gained confidence from our bosses, they shovel more work, just to sure we can produce.

I love being a Black Man...because we do exude so much "power". Our presence in a room can be amazing. I noticed that many times. My father once told me that one Black man can control 10 white men...and now I understand. There is a fear, particularly of the "violent" Black man. As an example, when the woman in one of Carolinas said a Black attacked and killed her kids, everyone assumed it was true. Or instance in Boston, when the white man did the same thing...we are easy targets for that.

I also believe because we are breaking so many barriers, there is a greater realization that we can be good...with our minds as well as our physical being. One of ironies is the white people will "fall over" backward to prove themselves non-discriminatory, which is a form of discrimination.

I believe one of the issues with Black women and men is the constant negativity that goes between the genders. The name calling and generalization doesn't do any good. The white man has pitted the BM vs. BF in the work world. He can have a BF in his office because she is still a female and is not a physical presence, i.e., the rooster in the hen house mentality. We should recognize that, and not compete against each other.

thank you Tigers37 for dropping so much knowledge in The Den!!

the points you've made are on target from what i've seen and discussed with my circle of male friends.

i think the work place issue is a good one. in a different thread i briefly touched on the fact that we as BF might be doing a dis-service to our brothers by occupying corporate positions that could have/should have gone to him. im not sure how to correct this--jobs are scarce everywhere. i think to at least be aware of the fact that because we are women and a "non-threat" like you mentioned--we may be getting positions and actually taking them from black males. we also need to be mindful, understanding and supportive when our men find it hard to land positions--he has more working against him than we do a lot of the time. being a minority and a female--companies get 2 benefit points for having us on payroll.

thank you for sharing!!

there is nothing like the "POWER" of the Black Man!

red
BLACK
green

The power of an African American male is exponential. I have found the first reaction to waryness followed, sometimes, effusive goodwill. When the room finds out your standing in the hierarchy, they change as your status becomes higher.

They then start falling into categories, those not against you, those waiting for you to fail, those amused watching "the dance", and those who accept you. Underlying all of the categories is the assumption, with all of its ramifications, you are there because of Affirmative Action.

If you are "the boss", you can paralyze a room, but you can represent the greatest of all fears, "a change in organizational culture." At least, for that location.

When an African American male is in the room, all European American males readjust. The perception will range from "threat" to "whazzup." It's a real study in American societal behavior.

The most "leveling" response I have encountered is when I am asked, "What do we call you?" I reply, "If I must be called something, Mr. Chester works best." some are to blinded by practice to "get it," and will say something like, "YOu know what I mean. Do you want to be call "black" or what." I get to say my magic words, I'm African American-American." The "word", whatever that is seems to get around fast. No one in the room ever broaches the subject again.

The congeniality level rises noticeably.

PEACE

Jim Chester

You are who you say you are. Your children are who you say you are.

Mr. Chester,

thanks for your feedback. i think you are getting to part of what this thread is about...the way society moves, bends and shifts around black males.

quote:

---

Originally posted by James Wesley Chester:
When an African American male is in the room, all European American males readjust. The perception will range from "threat" to "whazzup." It's a real study in American societal behavior.

---

you speak to this happening in either a postive way --trying to assimilate with comments like "whazzup", or negative way --looking forward to your failure or by feeling threatened.

outside of the work arena, what have your experiences been (positive and negtive) as a black man? i know the old (but true) example of women clutching purses, or locking car doors come to mind. any other shifts in society that you feel or observe?

what do you think your advantages are in being a black man today?

thanks!!

red
BLACK
green

Advantage: It's gonna be a lot easier for me to get into med school.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
-Napoleon Bonaparte

quote:

---

Originally posted by 00Negro:
Advantage: It's gonna be a lot easier for me to get into med school.

---

good one 00Negro! im sure your qualifications would get you in on their own, but every advantage helps!!

red
BLACK
green

The biggest advantage of being a black man is that it has been a great help in attracting black women!!



There is no passion to be found playing small, in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living. - Mandela

quote:

---

Originally posted by MBM:
The biggest advantage of being a black man is that it has been a great help in attracting black women!!

---

ur funny, and im sure your wife apprecites that you attracted her!! i'm awaiting a wise and indepth response from you!

red
BLACK
green

There is much documented evidence of the AA community not only surviving but thriving during some of the worst periods in this country.

Black Wall Street was a thriving business community in Tulsa, Ok., back in 1921. There was 35 blocks of black owned and operated banks, grocery stores, resturants, etc. Whites destroyed it during a race riot where they even used airplanes to bomb the area. Over 300 AA was killed.

The numbers racket started in the black community in this country. I've just finished reading a book about how the numbers men invested heavily in the black community, banks, stores, etc. They took care of the needy in the community and started the Goodfellows organization that is still around almost 100 years later.

The two examples above is just a few examples of how AA, when left alone, CAN be self sufficient. When you KNOW your history and what you can do and is capable of, NO ONE can destroy that confidence.

Marcus Garvey wrote a book about the accomplishments of black men AROUND THE WORLD. Men like Shaka Zulu, Toussaint L'Overture who plotted a coup and overtook Haiti at the age of 50, Cinque who overthough a slave ship( AMISTAD )that had captured him and was transporting him to slavery. I could go on and on with examples but you get my point.

You can take that same drive and determination and apply it to something and KNOW that you will eventually become successful. However, you have to know yourself, unfortunately a lot of AA men don't know this.

Advantages...well, when I ride the bus to work, I can count on being able to have a seat to myself...

There is a mystery or uncertainty with Black men, not knowing fully what to expect. Alot will be dependent on how we are dressed or how we converse. When I'm dressed professionally, I am treated in one manner, but in casual attire, totally different. The most obvious is how you are addressed...sir, may I help you vs. can I help you find something? subtle...Making the assumption that my dress determines my financial status or ability to know what I am looking for.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Tigers37:
Alot will be dependent on how we are dressed or how we converse. When I'm dressed professionally, I am treated in one manner, but in casual attire, totally different.

---

tigers, do you think this difference in treatment happens with non-black races of men? have you observed it, or in your opinion is it a racially motivated treatment?

red
BLACK
green

How about our abundant sexuality that we're supposed to have in society.

Cities were burned down to the ground like Tulsa, OK in 1921, and in Rosewood, FL in 1922, both due to a black man alledgedly raped a white woman, which I might add that yet to be proven to this day.

At best, the sexual stereotypes of black males makes us alluring. At worst, they could get us convicted as rapists (Tulsa, Rosewood, Mike Tyson, Kirby Puckett, Kobe Bryant, etc.)

I can say that when I was going to a predominant white elementary school, the white students (who I were friends with) started to become wary of me when we reached double-digit ages (10 and up).

Some asked me questions about sex like I had the sexual experience of Caligula. I'm like "Hey, I'm 11." Now some kids probably kissing or having sex at 11 or 12 in this day and age, but not in 1982. I was just as clueless as they were.

Nykkii, do you think those kids asking me those questions back then because of some sexual stereotype of black males they learned from their parents, or were they just naturally curious...or was it something else?

quote Huey: "Nykkii, do you think those kids asking me those questions back then because of some sexual stereotype of black males they learned from their parents, or were they just naturally curious...or was it something else?"

good question huey.

i'd venture to say it was a combination of overhearing things from their parents and just natural curiosity. i'd also bet that every small group of boys that were friends back then discussed sex and kissing...it wasn't just something that happened in your particular group of friends. its possible that subconsciously you may have even felt more put on the spot by the questions because of stereotypes you had heard about 'black male sexuality'.

at that pre-pubescent age, i think all boys and girls are curious and eager to hear, and now a days experiment with sexual situations.

red
BLACK
green

here's what you've said so far:

myths:

• we are sports minded
  
• don't know (or understand) technology
  
• after women...regardless of ethnicity
  
• always jovial
  
• aren't good with numbers
  
• abundant sexuality
  

advantages:

• if you are a black man who can think on his feet, you catch people off guard because they don't expect you to be able to contribute.
  
• we exude so much "power.
  
• easier for me to get into med school--affirmative action working in his favor.
  
• being a black man has been a great help in attracting black women!
  
• CAN be self sufficient
  
• the innate amount of "drive and determination" are the basis for his success when he knows himself.
  
• society not knowing fully what to expect from a black man -- not sure, but i think this could also be listed under the "fear" disadvantage
  

disadvantages:

• a fear, particularly of the "violent" Black man. (examples given the woman in one of Carolinas said a Black attacked and killed her kids, and the instance in Boston, when the white man did the same thing.)
  
• If you are "the boss", you can represent the greatest of all fears, "a change in organizational culture." not sure on this one either-is this good or bad?
  

truths:

• once we have gained confidence from our bosses, they shovel more work, just to sure we can produce.
  

accomplishments:
need some personal accomplishments here!! i know our men of aa.org have done some great things in their lives. vox...where are you?

black female support:

• IMPLIED understanding. That kind of deep, spiritual love that is hard to describe to some people. Those are the kind who will have your back no matter what, will have no problem in letting you lead and be the man because she believes in you.
  

black female hinderences:

• the constant negativity that goes between the genders. The name calling and generalization doesn't do any good.
  

what your sisters can do to push you forward: ?????? need some imput here as well--we would really like to know!

red
BLACK
green

quote:

---

Originally posted by Nykkii:
here's what you've said so far:

myths:

• we are sports minded
  
• don't know (or understand) technology
  
• after women...regardless of ethnicity
  
• always jovial
  
• aren't good with numbers
  
• abundant sexuality

---

for the board:

of the myths listed above...are there any that are actually true for the majority of black men?

and are there any listed (or not listed) that are TRUELY myths--completely false and inapplicable to black men?

red
BLACK
green

quote:

---

1. Vent, share, teach, or explain the things that you deal with in your life, on your job, in your relationships that make it hard being a black man? what are the myths? what are the truths?


2. What is great about being a black man in society? what do you see as your advantages, your strengths, your achievements?
what are the myths, what are the truths?

and finally...

3. what do "you" think could make your existence easier, less hassled, more understood? what could black women (your sisters) do to make your lives easier?

---

Sorry, I tried to post the other day but for some reason people keep trying to kill me...I don't get it..

Contrary to popular belief all of us cannot play basketball, like fried chicken or can dance. I get tired of being asked to be on a team when noone has even bothered to ask if I play. The sexual myth is also a burden. I'm supposed to have "X" amout of manhood, be a juggernaut in bed and so on. I've been approached by women of different races and that is usually the main topic, 'experimentation" for them, to see what it's like.

On the job it seems like people expect my focus to be on the latest rap video, getting my groove on, the next 40oz, or just hitting the club. Accomplishments by black males seem to get little attention and it comes as a shock when one of us has a "good idea".

As far as what black women could do to help, stop putting a label on us. It's bad enough that society expects us to be one way, but when the sisters add that to the mix it doesn't get better.

Gotta run, before the "neighbors" see I'm standing still

By the way, Nykkii, can I use your picture as a pin up........LOL