What happens to the relationship between a father and a son, when the son has gotten into his teenage years and now feels big enough to show an aggressive stance toward Dad? Is this a normal part of growing up? I have heard of this happening in domestic violence situations when Junior is protective of mom, but I've seen it recently during a father son basketball game where the father was teasing the son and the son, approx age 14 got angry and shoved the DAd. What's happening in the relationship here? Is this a normal part of teenage hormones?

Wretch back and hit em in the chest. Just before I put the drill sargeant hat on.

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Originally posted by negrospiritual:
What happens to the relationship between a father and a son, when the son has gotten into his teenage years and now feels big enough to show an aggressive stance toward Dad? Is this a normal part of growing up? I have heard of this happening in domestic violence situations when Junior is protective of mom, but I've seen it recently during a father son basketball game where the father was teasing the son and the son, approx age 14 got angry and shoved the DAd. What's happening in the relationship here? Is this a normal part of teenage hormones?

I think that this is a normal part of growing up. I remember the conversation in my head during my teen years about when I knew that I could take my dad if I wanted to. I was four inches taller and about 25 lbs heavier. It was interesting also thinking that he realized the same thing. Classic Oedipal stuff, IMHO.

PS - I never acted on this, because I still respected me dad. But again, I think that to some extent, this is a normal part of psycho-social development.

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Originally posted by negrospiritual:
What happens to the relationship between a father and a son, when the son has gotten into his teenage years and now feels big enough to show an aggressive stance toward Dad? Is this a normal part of growing up? I have heard of this happening in domestic violence situations when Junior is protective of mom, but I've seen it recently during a father son basketball game where the father was teasing the son and the son, approx age 14 got angry and shoved the DAd. What's happening in the relationship here? Is this a normal part of teenage hormones?

Yes, NS, The young buck testing his mettle is a normal part of the male maturation process.

On my 16th birthday, me and my father actually got into a literal fight. He actually instigated it because he came in on what looked like me disrespecting my mother. When he began punching me I first retreated but when he wouldn't let me, I fought back. He beat me a$$, but I held my own.

When we finished ... my Dad sat me down, poured me a drink of Cognac [from his not for guests stash] and told me that my great-grandfather beat my grand-father on his 16th birthday, my grand-father beat my father on his 16th birthday, and now my father beat me. It was my rite of passage [of a sort] and my father then declared me a man. He told me that I had all the rights and priviledges, as well as all the responsibilities of being a man. He then laid down the new law of the household that was to apply if I was to continue living under his roof.

I have to say that brought us closer, in that he then began treating me as a man ... an unknowing man that required guidance, but a man none the less.

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Originally posted by Kweli4Real:
and told me that my great-grandfather beat my grand-father on his 16th birthday, my grand-father beat my father on his 16th birthday, and now my father beat me. It was my rite of passage [of a sort] and my father then declared me a man.

Bwah hah hah hah ah hah!

a traditional ass-whooping?

sorry Kweli, that somehow seemed funny
but

I had a similar, not as intense, but similar episode with my mom @ age 16. We were in the kitchen talking about who knows what. I can't remember what I actually said, but my mom interpreted it as sass and very loudly asked me if i thought I was too big to get a buttwhipping. Now my mom was very short so by this time I am towering over her, right? At that moment, I knew that i could take her if I chose to. I had an intentional smirk on my face and we stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity, until finally I said "No"...

but something had changed...

the question never came up again

and our conversations were slightly different...oh she was still the mama...but something changed after that.


I thought it was just me...

What is the appropriate way for a dad (or mom) to handle this?

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Originally posted by HeruStar:
Wretch back and hit em in the chest. Just before I put the drill sargeant hat on.

sorry, just had an imaginative flash/episode that ended in "I wish a mofo would"!

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Originally posted by HeruStar:
sorry, just had an imaginative flash/episode that ended in "I wish a mofo would"!

How do you think a Dad should handle this? How will you handle it when lil Heru Jr starts feeling manly? and eyeing you with that "man i could take u down if i wanted to" eye?

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How do you think a Dad should handle this? How will you handle it when lil Heru Jr starts feeling manly? and eyeing you with that "man i could take u down if i wanted to" eye?

In the first instance, the father was kidding with the son and the son bucked. The father should diffuse the situation [because he started it] but let the son know that it is not okay to lay hands on dad.

In the situation where a son bucks because he is being disciplined or just because, the dad has to handle his son right then, right there, or the son will never respect him. In fact, the son expects the dad to put him back in place.

It is the rare case where a teenaged son can whup his father and the son needs to know this.

I never fought with my dad, but I was playing bball with my dad and some of his friends and I drove down what seemed like an open lane, knowing that my dad could not "check" me... My dad proceeded to give me a "hip check" and I went flying into the stands and damn near killed myself... he acted like nothing happened, didn't even try to help me up... I asked him about it later and he said something about not coming in the lane etc... At that point I realized that my dad was one of those "I brought you in/I'll take you out" types and that maybe challenging him was not in my best interest... Besides, my dad still has 5-6 inches on me...

One time me and my brothers were out shoveling the snow and my dad came out for some reason... We decided that it was a perfect time to ambush him with snowballs... Well, my dad was a fast-pitch softball pitcher and dusted us off with four snowballs... The first one missed and I had two brothers... Getting hit with an 80mph snowball will correct anyone's attitude...

A friend of mine told me a story when we were growing up... He said that one day he realized that he was taller than his dad and told him so, not to brag, but just say that he was taller... He said that his dad wheeled around and said: "... but I can still kick your ass boy..."

Another buddy of mine said that he did something and sassed his mom... His mom called his dad, who at the time was a pro football player and that he did not like to be disturbed during practice as it was a long drive... he said that his dad came in the house and snatched him up to the point where all he remembers is looking down and seeing his feet dangling in the air and his dad still had one arm free...

It's not just fathers that will put you in check... MBM and I were at church one Sunday and we were talking trash to this guy named Mr. West about our basketball skills... Mr. West apparently felt as though we had gotten a little out of hand and gave MBM a forearm "shiv" in the chest, against one of the doors of the church and had him pinned... Needless to say that ended that trash talking session - and all future ones...

I tell you ... it's a fact of nature. The young lion starts smelling his pee and MUST challenge for the pride. The dominate male MUST then place the cub in his place. It's the natural order of things.

What man here has NOT been checked by an older male [relative/father]. And, while we didn't appreciate it at the time ... being let know that we still had a few more hairs to sprout was in a way comforting.

quote:

Originally posted by negrospiritual:
What happens to the relationship between a father and a son, when the son has gotten into his teenage years and now feels big enough to show an aggressive stance toward Dad? Is this a normal part of growing up? I have heard of this happening in domestic violence situations when Junior is protective of mom, but I've seen it recently during a father son basketball game where the father was teasing the son and the son, approx age 14 got angry and shoved the DAd. What's happening in the relationship here? Is this a normal part of teenage hormones?

Just part of growing up. I was a sr in HS and had been power lifting for about 4 years so on hat one fateful day I nademy move. Dad hadone ofhis Vietnam flahbacks and the next thing I know I had been slammed through the table. The rough part was mom got upset and blamed me for breaking her table.

Every father will go through that and if the father doesn't get control quickly it could lead to problems in the future. After that incident I never tried again as I truly understood and respected my dad even more.

My experience is somewhat similar to an earlier posting.

Backyard basketball was my dad's metaphor for teaching me about life. We had brutal,games, extrememly phsyical. He never gave me any slack, really teaching me, on his level, that life was tough, so I needed to be tougher to persevere. Somehow, he knew me well enough to know I wouldn't quit.

By the time my game was better than his, and my ability to bang was as great, or greater, than his, his lesson was complete. We'd still play and go at each other hard, but my respect was too great to put it on him like I thought I could.

Bottom line, being a man is about taking and accepting challenges. Fatherhood should teach you both.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: TruthSeeker,

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Bottom line, being a man is about taking and accepting challenges. Fatherhood should teach you both.

Well put.

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Originally posted by Kweli4Real:

What man here has NOT been checked by an older male [relative/father]. And, while we didn't appreciate it at the time ... being let know that we still had a few more hairs to sprout was in a way comforting.

Can't say that it happened to me ...

So K4R, what happens when your daughter turns 16?

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Originally posted by AudioGuy:
So K4R, what happens when your daughter turns 16?

He will be on standby with a waterhose to douse the fireworks between mom and miss thang. Daddy's girl is always daddy's girl. she ain't gonna bow up at Kweli...but that momma...that's a different story

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Originally posted by HonestBrother:

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Originally posted by Kweli4Real:

What man here has NOT been checked by an older male [relative/father]. And, while we didn't appreciate it at the time ... being let know that we still had a few more hairs to sprout was in a way comforting.

Can't say that it happened to me ...

For me it depends on what you mean by checked. As I alluded to above, the tension at times was palpable, but there was never any contact. I would describe how things went down in my family as more psychological.

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Originally posted by negrospiritual:

He will be on standby with a waterhose to douse the fireworks between mom and miss thang. Daddy's girl is always daddy's girl. she ain't gonna bow up at Kweli...but that momma...that's a different story

That's funny ... NS, you have no idea how close you are. I frequently joke that I expect to come home from work to find blood on the walls throughout the house. If this occurs, I will stand in the door way and call out: "Who won?"

My wife and daughter battle on a daily basis.

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Originally posted by AudioGuy:
So K4R, what happens when your daughter turns 16?

I'll just throw left jabs and hooks; rather than, left-right-right-left combinations.

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Originally posted by Kweli4Real:

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Originally posted by AudioGuy:
So K4R, what happens when your daughter turns 16?

I'll just throw left jabs and hooks; rather than, left-right-right-left combinations.