Brothas; how would you feel about being a quasi-sperm donor? I was talking with my girlfriend and she mentioned that one of her girlfriends was trying to get pregnant, but then stay on her own.

I’ve have noticed this a lot lately, that there are women, particularly in their late thirties, who only want the baby and not the man. I am not sure if their intentions are discussed beforehand or if there is deceit involved. I don’t know if brothas are getting women pregnant expecting to be with them and raise the child together and a year or so after birth, the women pushes him away or does he expect not to be together with the women from jump.

For me, I know that the odds are against a black man being able to stay in a loving, supportive relationship with the mother of his children so that he can do his part in the full time, in home raising of his children instead of seeing them every other weekend.

Does a man knowingly get a woman pregnant knowing that he will only know his children through visitation and pay money to the Friend of the Court for 18 years? I am seriously considering a vasectomy.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: detroit1,

All phenomena are characterized by “unity” through the complementarity of masculine and feminine principles – Memphite theology

Brothas . . .?



I'll wait a respectable time before inserting my .

It seems to me that you are asking a lot of different questions.

I have no problem with the idea of sperm donation.

I have no problem with a woman choosing to use the services of a sperm bank or securing the services of a man willing to impregnate her. In the latter case, however, the expectations and obligations of both parties should be explicit. I would even suggest some kind of agreement in writing.

If neither of these are the situation and the couple are not in a committed relationship; e.g., married, IMO they don't need to be having kids with one another.

Finally, if a guy is not in a committed relationship and does not wish to be a party in the last scenario that you lay out, he AND his partner should be using contraception (he is using a condom with spermicide AND knows for a fact that the woman is also using contraception (the pill, a diaphragm, spermicidal foam, norplant, etc.)

I was (half) watching some news show the other day and a lawsuit about this very thing was being discussed!

The man in question had made an agreement with a female to be a "donor" only of her child. But over the course of the child's life, the man had sent a stray birthday/Christmas card and a limited amount of money (3 times, I think it was) to the mom for the child's upkeep. But had not had any visits or been physically involved in the child's life.

Now, with the kid in teen-aged years, the mother was suing him for both back and continued child support ... ... saying he had shown himself to be/act like the father, and should have to take responsibility for it!

One side was arguing that there was an agreement that there would be no financial responsibility. The other side was arguing that since he had indeed showed interest, that agreement should be null and void.

Until men and women have equal consideration in the courts... *snip*snip*

Our families are already fractured and dysfunctional enough. The question raised in the OP is just a variation on the dysfunction.

No, I'd not be a donor for any child I didn't intent to raise. As it is I don't understand how a man's head can hit the pillow at night knowing he has a child/ren out there that he's not doing anything for. I don't understand that.

I think our first priorties ought to be strengthening the families into which children arrive. That will make the mo' better....mo' better.

Wow... Ripped from the headlines of my life!

This exact scenario was posed to me last year, and personally, I find the whole idea quite reprehensible. Different stroke for different folks, I suppose, but there is no chance of a positive outcome here. Even with the explicit written agreement Kresge is speaking about, the change in feelings over time may still compel some sort of complaint filed, and there's a good chance a court would nullify the arrangement. Remember, the child was not a party, and if the best interests of the child are the driving force of child support laws, then the agreement is as worthless as the paper it's printed on.

I doubt I should generalize based on my one experience with a woman who raised this idea to me, but one experience with this is probably plenty! Based on that, I'd say that women who claim to want this are really crying out, if not for help, then for something. They are frustrated that they can't get a man, so in psychological self-defense, they get wrapped up in this, "Hmph! I don't need a man, I'm a strong, independent woman" stuff. There is no stronger expression of how "strong and independent" they are than to ask a man to impregnate her with no strings attached. I shudder to think how that all goes out the window, once the reality of the baby occurs, because the problem is, they're not really "strong and independent." It's a defense mechanism; they're actually quite a mess inside.

The woman who asked me had already gone WAY off the deep end. She could never speak of ANYTHING without having it revolve either around her inability to find a man (and it was always the fault of the men) or her independent, professional status. This offer of hers was, doubtlessly, part of that deep end she had gone off of.

And anyway, we as men need to continue moving away from thinking it's okay to have children out there in the world that we have no interest in. I don't see how that wouldn't leave us somehow spiritually bankrupt.

quote:

Originally posted by TruthSeeker:
I think our first priorties ought to be strengthening the families....

Approaching 2008, don’t you think we are too far gone for that?

For those of you who would like a family in the future, are you discouraged
by the high likelihood that your vision of a family will probably be short-lived?
Because of wife/husband compatibility issues, your children will likely grow up
in two separate households, rotating holidays.

Is the man who meets a woman, marries her and starts to have children a blind
optimist? Naive, thinking that his situation is different?

I don't have any to add. Kresge and Vox said exactly what I feel about the situation.

quote:

Originally posted by detroit1:
Brothas; how would you feel about being a quasi-sperm donor? I was talking with my girlfriend and she mentioned that one of her girlfriends was trying to get pregnant, but then stay on her own.

A close friend of mine asked me the same several years ago... She wanted me to donate my sperm if she was not married by a certain age... I asked if she I would be allowed to participate in the upbringing of the child and she wasn't really contemplating that... I told her that I could not have any children of mine walking around w/o me taking responsibility for them... When the time rolled around she had gotten married and now has two beautiful daughters...

I guess I said all that to say that many times people can be short sighted about what the future holds for them and that they should let life play out the way it is supposed to...

Hmmmm ... can y'all get paid for that??

My best friend married an older woman who, after years of trying, couldn't conceive or carry a baby.

And, because he is such a good man and would make a great father, I volunteered to carry a baby for them - I wanted him to have the child he wanted so badly.

But, as I got to know his wife better, I realized. . .as much as I LOVED him. . .I could never condemn a child to the likes of HER.

she is a stone cold BYTCH!