I recently had an incident happen to me that has never happened before and it really hurt.

I'm on the last bit of my thesis paper (survey) and I ran into "one of us" and it was just like the proverbial "crabs in the pot" trying to drag each other down. I'm not sure why, but he seemed to be really perturbed about me having a bit more than a GED. He kept trying to trouble shoot my paper with opinions only and when I would retort with facts and numbers, that seemed to escalate the situation even more. When that didn't work he tried to baffle me with brillance, (that obviously wasn't there) just making up comments from no where and discussing matters that were not even the topic of discussion. The situation did not get physical but the verbal was bad enough, especially on my part.
I don't mind constructive criticism at all but please make it realistic.

I guess what I want to know is, what is one to do in a situation where you are trying to better yourself, and you are faced with few who will do what they can to drag you down to their level?
Any advice on how to deal with these types?



catch

The simple solution is to smile and say, "Well, my brother, I guess I'll see you on the other side."

For whatever reason (I can name a few, e.g., jealousy, insecurity, self-hatred), "We" feel the need to challenge "Us" in ways that "We" would never challenge "them."

Don't think another thought about, O. Move on.

quote:

Originally posted by Kweli4Real:
The simple solution is to smile and say, "Well, my brother, I guess I'll see you on the other side."

For whatever reason (I can name a few, e.g., jealousy, insecurity, self-hatred), "We" feel the need to challenge "Us" in ways that "We" would never challenge "them."

Don't think another thought about, O. Move on.

I agree. I guess that I am unclear of the context in which he had your paper to read. I tend to walk away from such persons unless I am accountable to them in some way. Then I have to evaluate the cost benefit analysis of telling him what I think he should do with his "criticism." But sadly, this is not unusual ... very sadly.

Don't cast your pearls before swine, baby. Some people will never be ready to understand that expanding your mind will increase your options. Jealousy will cause people to show their natural behinds. Hold your head up and be proud of your accomplishments. I am proud of you for putting in the hard work and I am sure others are as well. As one of my friends says ... "Don't let the b*****ds get you down. You are better than that!

How about something like...

"My brother, your agenda seems to be quite different than mine. Your comments, however negative, are appreciated, but are unnecessary. So, that being the case, why don't you kiss my Black ass."

Then walk away as though he was never there. Oh, and make sure you say it with a smile.

quote:

Originally posted by AudioGuy:
How about something like...

"My brother, your agenda seems to be quite different than mine. Your comments, however negative, are appreciated, but are unnecessary. So, that being the case, why don't you kiss my Black ass."

Then walk away as though he was never there. Oh, and make sure you say it with a smile.

I love this approach...I must use it sometime.

quote:

Originally posted by Black Honey:
I love this approach...I must use it sometime.

Feel free to use whenever necessary...
(just make sure you give proper attribution)

Kinda like "break glass in case of emergency".

This message has been edited. Last edited by: AudioGuy,

Peace,

AudioGuy

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quote:

Originally posted by AudioGuy:
How about something like...

"My brother, your agenda seems to be quite different than mine. Your comments, however negative, are appreciated, but are unnecessary. So, that being the case, why don't you kiss my Black ass."

Then walk away as though he was never there. Oh, and make sure you say it with a smile.

I may have to try that one

To all thanks for your comments, they are all greatly appreciated.

catch

quote:

Originally posted by ocatchings:
I guess what I want to know is, what is one to do in a situation where you are trying to better yourself, and you are faced with few who will do what they can to drag you down to their level? Any advice on how to deal with these types?

The first thing you need to do is to change your attitude about "those types." Some people are instinctively intuitive, which doesn't require a whole lot of "brains." People pick up on body language, facial expressions, dismissive commentary, and condescending tone. And regardless of someone's academic status, each of us deserves to be respected and treated humanely. Unless this guy is psychotic, I find it highly unlikely that he treated you with hostility without at least some provocation, the details of which I believe you are intentionally witholding. Nevertheless, I should mention that as many of us strive to better ourselves financially and intellectually, its natural for us to unconsciously and subconsciously develop a degree of arrogance, which unfortunately invites unwarranted resentment. Some people who encounter you may deal with this maturely, others may not. Therefore, in your efforts toward advancement and self-improvement, the goal is maintain a healty balance between humility and confidence, which at times, is very hard to do in the face of people lacking both.

To provide an example, the place where I get my hair done happens to be in a impoverished part of Washington, DC. However, the braiders do such an exceptional job that I have yet to find another place that can match their service. Now of course, being that it is a poor neighborhood, many of the African American women that frequent the beauty shop are what is commonly referred to as "ghetto," many of which have not gone to college. Often times, these women are very communicative, friendly (most of the time), love to talk, and always ready to strike up a conversation about their personal lives. Rather than talk about all of my degrees and how much money I earn, etc., I entertain their conversations and "get on their level" sort of speak so that I can maintain a conversation with them. I will intentionally refrain from using complex terminology and keep the conversation light. I may even use a cuss word or two, for fun, because in the profession that I am in and the professional people (e.g., principals, administrators, psychologists, and special educators) with whom I interact, you don't get a chance to let loose too often. And that's what we have to learn to do, you have to learn how to talk to people from different backgrounds, on call. Its a skill that must be developed because you are going to meet all kinds of people from different walks of life. People express how "intelligent" and "deep" the are in different ways. And it won't always be in the way that the "education system" has taught us.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Rowe,

quote:

The first thing you need to do is to change your attitude about "those types." Some people are instinctively intuitive, which doesn't require a whole lot of "brains." People pick up on body language, facial expressions, dismissive commentary, and condescending tone. And regardless of someone's academic status, each of us deserves to be respected and treated humanely. Unless this guy is psychotic, I find it highly unlikely that he treated you with hostility without at least some provocation, the details of which I believe you are intentionally witholding. Nevertheless, I should mention that as many of us strive to better ourselves financially and intellectually, its natural for us to unconsciously and subconsciously develop a degree of arrogance, which unfortunately invites unwarranted resentment. Some people who encounter you may deal with this maturely, others may not. Therefore, in your efforts toward advancement and self-improvement, the goal is maintain a healty balance between humility and confidence, which at times, is very hard to do in the face of people lacking both.

Interesting.
Trust me, I'm not leaving out anything and this is not the 1st time but this has been the most "severe". All I asked was if he would like to answer a few questions, now if that is "arrogance" on my part, I know no way around it. If I am leaving anything out, its the fact that he was bumped by another person due to education. (His supervisor, also a brother has a double doctorate), and no he doesn't put it out for public consumption either.
The greater majority of people I'm associated with don't even know I go to school and if they do find out its through someone else.

The public display if arrogance that you may think I use is already a preconcieved notion as soon as I introduce myself. People associated with the military already know how much I make and by me being single they automactically expct me to have a wad of money just to blow for their pleasure. If they ask and I tell them its in the bank, I'm acting white. For the few males that know I'm doing homework, if I don't hit the club, something is wrong. Speaking to the people is still no problem, as I have 20+ years in the military so I still haven't developed proper english yet...

I could really see your point and it would make a heck of a lot of sense if I fit the mold you put me in, but......why do I need to transform into something/someone else? I think we touched on this in other threads. I made these choices, so if I'm comfortable with them and I'm not throwing them in someones face, are you sure its not the other person with the problem?

catch

quote:

Originally posted by Rowe:
To provide an example, the place where I get my hair done happens to be in a impoverished part of Washington, DC. However, the braiders do such an exceptional job that I have yet to find another place that can match their service. Now of course, being that it is a poor neighborhood...

My, how good of you to come down from the tower and mingle with the commoners!

quote:

Originally posted by ocatchings:
I made these choices, so if I'm comfortable with them and I'm not throwing them in someones face, are you sure its not the other person with the problem?

We don't always have to flaunt our education and income in people's faces for them to feel intimidated and threatened by our success. Some people are in disagreement with how this society is socially and economically stratified and they resent the willingness on your part to play the game. Blacks who attend college for example are still described by non-college educated blacks as "Uncle Toms" who are bent on getting the "white man's education" so that they can earn the "white man's money." Therefore, we cannot expect the ongoing struggle between working class blacks and professional blacks within the African American community to be resolved any time soon. This is why, when you encounter such a person, the best thing you can do, is to continually assure the person (by maintaining eye contact, positive body language, friendly gestures, and even a handshake) that the difference between your education and his will not eliminate the possibility of a friendship, and most importantly, mutual respect.

quote:

Originally posted by AudioGuy:
My, how good of you to come down from the tower and mingle with the commoners!

I didn't intend to sound pretentious, but you can see how easy it is for somone to come across as self-absorbed. The point of my statement was to simply put a premium on being able to communicate with people from all walks of life. The guy in question clearly resents his being passed up for a promotion in favor of someone with a double doctorate, as anyone would. Then to make matters worse, he is later challenged by someone (Ocatchings, who also has degrees) for what culminated into a intense argument. From this guy's perspective, he's surrounded by "arrogant college-educated know-it-alls," who may or may not be as competent and qualified for the position as he is.

quote:

Originally posted by Rowe:

quote:

Originally posted by ocatchings:
I made these choices, so if I'm comfortable with them and I'm not throwing them in someones face, are you sure its not the other person with the problem?

We don't always have to flaunt our education and income in people's faces for them to feel intimidated and threatened by our success. Some people are in disagreement with how this society is socially and economically stratified and they resent the willingness on your part to play the game. Blacks who attend college for example are still described by non-college educated blacks as "Uncle Toms" who are bent on getting the "white man's education" so that they can earn the "white man's money." Therefore, we cannot expect the ongoing struggle between working class blacks and professional blacks within the African American community to be resolved any time soon. This is why, when you encounter such a person, the best thing you can do, is to continually assure the person (by maintaining eye contact, positive body language, friendly gestures, and even a handshake) that the difference between your education and his will not eliminate the possibility of a friendship, and most importantly, mutual respect.

In other words go out of my way to make sure I don't hurt their feelings. I think I'll take AudioGuys approach instead.

catch

quote:

Originally posted by Rowe:


We don't always have to flaunt our education and income in people's faces for them to feel intimidated and threatened by our success. Some people are in disagreement with how this society is socially and economically stratified and they resent the willingness on your part to play the game. Blacks who attend college for example are still described by non-college educated blacks as "Uncle Toms" who are bent on getting the "white man's education" so that they can earn the "white man's money."

I don't know about all that. I have a college degree, a law degree, and the voice & speech of a radio announcer. PLUS I'm light skinned. Yet, I have no problem interacting with the brothers from around the way. On those rare occasions when a problem emerges, it's surely the other person's problem, and I have no doubt that the same thing goes for OC. So AudioGuy & Kweli4Real have laid out a pretty good approach to take.

But to avoid any potential beef from Audio Guy re: me biting off him, I will replace "kiss my black ass" with "slob on D-Znutz."

quote:

Originally posted by Vox:
...a law degree, and the voice & speech of a radio announcer, PLUS I'm light skinned.

Okay, let me find out Vox is a high yella brotha! Too bad I don't usually go for light brothas.

I don't know 'bout "High" yellow... that's about where Oshun falls on the scale, if I remember correctly. I think I'm about the same color as MBM. And anyway, I'm darkskinned where I need to be...

quote:

Originally posted by Vox:
I don't know 'bout "High" yellow... that's about where Oshun falls on the scale, if I remember correctly. I think I'm about the same color as MBM. And anyway, I'm darkskinned where I need to be...

quote:

Originally posted by Vox:
I think I'm about the same color as MBM. And anyway, I'm darkskinned where I need to be...

Okay, but the question is are you sexy? Because no is really trippin off light-skinned guys these days. In fact, a light-skinned brotha hasn't been idolized as a sex symbol since Al B. Sure! Today's black sex symbols are dark-skinned honies like Tyson Beckford, Moris Chestnut, Bryce Wilson (starring in the upcoming movie Beauty Shop with Queen Latifah,) and 50 Cent (for the younger crowd). True. 50 ain't much to look at, in the face, but when he takes that damn shirt off, all those chocolate bulging muscles, one right after the other, its like walking down a staircase, hot damn!!! So are you sexy or what?

I'll tell you one light-skinned brotha that is fine. The guy Jill Scott kisses at the very end of the video, "Let's Take A Long Walk." My goodness, if you look anything like that brotha, you are sexy.