Why do so many black women have an excuse for everything they do wrong in their relationships? They keep falling for the same no good negroes and the excuses are:

1. "You can't help who you fall in love with."

2. "There are no good black men left" when you know good and got damn well that ain't true.

3. "Good men are so hard to find we don't know how to act when a good one does come along."

Why do women not only defend but also look for sympathy for making their poor decisions yet ridicule and criticize men for making the same if not similar poor decisions? Too many women act as if the women that choose these sorry ass men are helpless and powerless in the situation like women are wild animals or mindless livestock. Why are so many sisters so incapable of making sound decisions when dealing with brothers? At the very least it's understandable that people make mistakes. But when you keep making the same mistakes with the same brother(s) who is really to blame?

When it comes to ridiculing brothers sisters always like to use that line: "You are what you attract", so what does that make the black women that keep on attracting the same abusive, lazy, neglectful, unemployed or underemployed or unemployable, irresponsible dudes? Somebody tell me what's up.

quote:

Originally posted by Romulus Burnett:
Why do so many black women have an excuse for everything they do wrong in their relationships? They keep falling for the same no good negroes and the excuses are:

1. "You can't help who you fall in love with."

2. "There are no good black men left" when you know good and got damn well that ain't true.

3. "Good men are so hard to find we don't know how to act when a good one does come along."

Why do women not only defend but also look for sympathy for making their poor decisions yet ridicule and criticize men for making the same if not similar poor decisions? Too many women act as if the women that choose these sorry ass men are helpless and powerless in the situation like women are wild animals or mindless livestock. Why are so many sisters so incapable of making sound decisions when dealing with brothers? At the very least it's understandable that people make mistakes. But when you keep making the same mistakes with the same brother(s) who is really to blame?

When it comes to ridiculing brothers sisters always like to use that line: "You are what you attract", so what does that make the black women that keep on attracting the same abusive, lazy, neglectful, unemployed or underemployed or unemployable, irresponsible dudes? Somebody tell me what's up.

~Well, I've heard 1 and 2 used quite often, but I don't think I've ever heard of the third one being admitted to.

My advice: Don't try to understand it, because it isn't going to make sense to you when it doesn't even make sense to women. It's not explainable or excusable to keep falling in the same hole time after time after time. But, there is a reason for it. From what I see in my circles, and what has been "admitted", the women would rather have somebody than nobody at all. They can't STAND to be manless, they can't STAND to take a breather in between relationships, and they aren't satisfied with self or anything else until their official status is "I'm somebody's woman". This way of being does not allow for "smart shopping", therefore...they get what they paid for (in effort)....which is nothing. I've even said to them, "Well, what if Mr. Right comes along and you're all tied up with this wrong guy and miss your chance?" They're not trying to hear that passed the weekend. Come Monday, it's on....to whomever.~ Just long enough to get out and socialize and attach to another "maybe, but it's highly unlikely, but I'll settle". Over and over and over again. ~

Preach it, sister!

But you prolly finda catch hell for it!

quote:

Originally posted by EbonyRose:
Preach it, sister!

But you prolly finda catch hell for it!

~ You think so? ...Naaaaah.~

Keep hope alive, sistagirl! Keep HOPE alive!

quote:

Originally posted by OhBlackButterfly:

~Well, I've heard 1 and 2 used quite often, but I don't think I've ever heard of the third one being admitted to.

My advice: Don't try to understand it, because it isn't going to make sense to you when it doesn't even make sense to women. It's not explainable or excusable to keep falling in the same hole time after time after time. But, there is a reason for it. From what I see in my circles, and what has been "admitted", the women would rather have somebody than nobody at all. They can't STAND to be manless, they can't STAND to take a breather in between relationships, and they aren't satisfied with self or anything else until their official status is "I'm somebody's woman". This way of being does not allow for "smart shopping", therefore...they get what they paid for (in effort)....which is nothing. I've even said to them, "Well, what if Mr. Right comes along and you're all tied up with this wrong guy and miss your chance?" They're not trying to hear that passed the weekend. Come Monday, it's on....to whomever.~ Just long enough to get out and socialize and attach to another "maybe, but it's highly unlikely, but I'll settle". Over and over and over again. ~

I'm so used to sistas making up excuses and being in denial I don't know how to handle Ohblackbutterfly's response.

quote:

Originally posted by EbonyRose:
Preach it, sister!

But you prolly finda catch hell for it!

Both of ya'll better grab your asbestos panties . . .

But, I concur. This is being played out in my family AS WE SPEAK. But what can I do or say? It's her life.

quote:

Originally posted by Ohblackbutterfly:

~Well, I've heard 1 and 2 used quite often, but I don't think I've ever heard of the third one being admitted to.

Yes I've come across women that have admitted to #3. Some of them are so emotionally wrecked they ask me questions like these in the early stages of dating: "What if you don't like me?" or "What do you see in me?" or "Why would you be interested in me?" These questions are usually followed after the fourth or fifth encounter by the infamous statement: "You treat me so well and I'm not used to it."

It's one thing to have a low self-esteem it's quite another to project it so shamelessly that it kills a mans' attraction to a woman. Speaking for myself I may question if a relationship is going to last or not in my head but I'm certainly not going to vocalize it. This is where women use the cop-out that men don't communicate. Some things should be communicated while others simply just need to stay under wraps. Be mature, reflective and patient enough to solve your issues on your own time while you enjoy trying to contribute to nurturing a new relationship.

I can tell you right now the main thing that will make me back out of a relationship is when I female just can't stop tearing herself down and try to bring me down to her level of insecurity, low self-esteem, and anxiety. I don't have time for that shit. I work hard at maintaining my sanity and resolving my issues one day at a time. The least I expect from a significant other is to do the same instead of expecting me to rescue her and hold her up all the damn time.

Where's DDouble? I thought he was burning with desire to discuss this issue in a substantive way? Yet, there are no posts from him. Ebony even pointed him to this very thread.


DDouble?

DDouble said

quote:

I'm curious.

Is there any brother here that could have raised these questions and gotten any substantive discussion? Is there any where on this board where these questions could have been posted to get substantive discussion?

(Please note: substantive discussion does not imply agreement; it only implies a willingness to present sound arguments pro & con to the question at hand)

Is there a format for men to postulate & analyze women's actions & choices that will actually nurture a non-flame fest discussion?

come on in and "nurture" a discussion D!

quote:

Originally posted by Ohblackbutterfly:

They can't STAND to be manless, they can't STAND to take a breather in between relationships, and they aren't satisfied with self or anything else until their official status is "I'm somebody's woman".

Hence the reason why so many women will keep a brother(s) waiting in the wings. Obviously it goes both ways - men are known to have dated several women at the same time. Hell - I do it myself but the point is this: I admit to doing it. But many women lie or are in denial about their extracurricular activities and may even try to justify their reason for dating several guys at the same time.

You don't just break up with a guy and then the next day you're already in love with another dude and driving his car unless you already have that shit planned out. There ain't nothing wrong with it but just admit to it. You know how sisters do: "Oh he is such a good friend that always listens to me and never raises his voice and always knows the right thing to say." Yeah. Right.

The brother waiting in the wings is only being a sister's armchair psychologist and confidant in hopes that one day he'll get the panties. Thing is, we experienced brothers know the game sisters play and will play 'dumb' and coy right along with them. But sisters brainwash themselves in to believing that everything that happens between herself and the dude waiting in the wings is all just a series of coincidental events. Something like: "Oh I was just minding my own business one day, slipped on a banana peel and fell right on his dick. Yeah. Right. Or the infamous line: "It just......happened..." *cue the tears*

Problem is, when sisters keep priming dudes to be their next band aid relationship they never give themselves the opportunity to clear their minds. You have a lot of brothers out there that mimic the behavior of a shark - they can sense a sister in distress and home right in on her. Sisters don't realize this but brothers get together and do their homework on women too. They compare notes and study the behavior patterns and habits of women they're interested in. They know how to start up a conversation that will lead to a woman telling all of her business - a sort of passive pursuit. And many women are naive and gullible enough to fall for it. They're looking for the next dude to spill their troubles upon so he can rescue her and when that happens it's all over.

Case in point: I met a sister a while back at a bookstore. We got to talking and I sensed from her eye contact, the tone in her voice, and how she went out of her way to be friendly that she was attracted to me. I struck up the right conversation and she told me she was on the brink of breaking up with her boyfriend. I didn't fall for the trap and kept moving on. About a year later I ran into the same sister at the same bookstore and decided to test my damsel in distress syndrome theory. It was a win/win situation - if I was wrong and she truly took the time to break up and reflect, then I would win a date. If I was right and she was already with another dude my theory of her exploiting the damsel in distres syndrome would be true.

She was her same semi-flirtatious self and even asked how my personal life had been going. I gave a general response, which at the time I wasn't seeing anyone anyways because I was moving to another city the next month. She had already hooked up with another dude and was already smitten with him, yet she still offered to keep the back door open for me. Nah - I pass.

quote:

Originally posted by ATPWordPro:

quote:

Originally posted by EbonyRose:
Preach it, sister!

But you prolly finda catch hell for it!

Both of ya'll better grab your asbestos panties . . .

But, I concur. This is being played out in my family AS WE SPEAK. But what can I do or say? It's her life.

~Nope. It doesn't help much to say or do anything. ~

quote:

Originally posted by Romulus Burnett:

quote:

Originally posted by Ohblackbutterfly:

~Well, I've heard 1 and 2 used quite often, but I don't think I've ever heard of the third one being admitted to.

Yes I've come across women that have admitted to #3. Some of them are so emotionally wrecked they ask me questions like these in the early stages of dating: "What if you don't like me?" or "What do you see in me?" or "Why would you be interested in me?" These questions are usually followed after the fourth or fifth encounter by the infamous statement: "You treat me so well and I'm not used to it."

It's one thing to have a low self-esteem it's quite another to project it so shamelessly that it kills a mans' attraction to a woman. Speaking for myself I may question if a relationship is going to last or not in my head but I'm certainly not going to vocalize it. This is where women use the cop-out that men don't communicate. Some things should be communicated while others simply just need to stay under wraps. Be mature, reflective and patient enough to solve your issues on your own time while you enjoy trying to contribute to nurturing a new relationship.

I can tell you right now the main thing that will make me back out of a relationship is when I female just can't stop tearing herself down and try to bring me down to her level of insecurity, low self-esteem, and anxiety. I don't have time for that shit. I work hard at maintaining my sanity and resolving my issues one day at a time. The least I expect from a significant other is to do the same instead of expecting me to rescue her and hold her up all the damn time.

~ ATPWordPro should show your posts on this topic to his female family member that he mentioned. ~

quote:

Originally posted by Romulus Burnett:
Why do so many black women have an excuse for everything they do wrong in their relationships?
It's human nature to want to paint yourself in a flattering life and minimize flaws. I wouldn't say that's a man or woman thing per se.

They keep falling for the same no good negroes and the excuses are:

1. "You can't help who you fall in love with."
I would agree with this statement to the exclusion of a mate's habits and traits hazardous to one's mental and physical health.

2. "There are no good black men left" when you know good and got damn well that ain't true.
The definition of "good" is unclear and too variable to justify the generalization.

3. "Good men are so hard to find we don't know how to act when a good one does come along."
See above. Additionally, I believe a person at peace with themselves has no problems receiving a "good" mate.

Why do women not only defend but also look for sympathy for making their poor decisions yet ridicule and criticize men for making the same if not similar poor decisions? Too many women act as if the women that choose these sorry ass men are helpless and powerless in the situation like women are wild animals or mindless livestock. Why are so many sisters so incapable of making sound decisions when dealing with brothers? At the very least it's understandable that people make mistakes. But when you keep making the same mistakes with the same brother(s) who is really to blame?

When it comes to ridiculing brothers sisters always like to use that line: "You are what you attract", so what does that make the black women that keep on attracting the same abusive, lazy, neglectful, unemployed or underemployed or unemployable, irresponsible dudes? Somebody tell me what's up.

Interesting, I'd love to see more female thoughts on this. Don't trip on the manner in which the thoughts are stated, focus on the actual points raised for discussion.

quote:

Originally posted by OhBlackButterfly:

quote:

Originally posted by Romulus Burnett:

quote:

Originally posted by Ohblackbutterfly:

~Well, I've heard 1 and 2 used quite often, but I don't think I've ever heard of the third one being admitted to.

Yes I've come across women that have admitted to #3. Some of them are so emotionally wrecked they ask me questions like these in the early stages of dating: "What if you don't like me?" or "What do you see in me?" or "Why would you be interested in me?" These questions are usually followed after the fourth or fifth
{SNIP-for space}

~ ATPWordPro should show your posts on this topic to his female family member that he mentioned. ~

Actually, I'm a girl.

And I'm walking a thin line with this person and various issues. If I press too much, she'll pull away and not tell me stuff.

quote:

Originally posted by ATPWordPro:

quote:

Originally posted by OhBlackButterfly:

quote:

Originally posted by Romulus Burnett:

quote:

Originally posted by Ohblackbutterfly:

~Well, I've heard 1 and 2 used quite often, but I don't think I've ever heard of the third one being admitted to.

Yes I've come across women that have admitted to #3. Some of them are so emotionally wrecked they ask me questions like these in the early stages of dating: "What if you don't like me?" or "What do you see in me?" or "Why would you be interested in me?" These questions are usually followed after the fourth or fifth
{SNIP-for space}

~ ATPWordPro should show your posts on this topic to his female family member that he mentioned. ~

Actually, I'm a girl.

And I'm walking a thin line with this person and various issues. If I press too much, she'll pull away and not tell me stuff.

That's why you have to just let them learn for themselves but that's just the point; They don't know how to learn for themselves. So they keep making the same mistakes and keep blaming the same circumstances on everyone else but themselves.

In my opinion losing her trust in you isn't much of a loss. If it were me and I tried to help the female and she refused to listen or didn't want to tell me anymore of her business she would be doing me a favor not a diservice. I have two sisters - one continuously refuses to listen to reason and has paid for it continuously. The other sister has finally decided to listen. Not that I think I'm a know-it-all but many times you can't see what's right in front of you and it takes a third opinion to get a better perspective.

ATP, I have dropped a lot of females from my list of friends that refused to listen because that shit is stressful when you see someone keep making the same mistakes and being hurt in the process. At some point it ceases being a mistake and turns into a situation of a woman and actually enjoying the misery she brings upon herself. There's a psychological term for that behavioral condition but it escapes me at the moment. But your best bet is to stand your ground and take the chance and tell her what's up instead of listening to her garbage all the time.

quote:

Originally posted by negrospiritual:

Actually, it seems there's more women that are in agreement with this topic than opposed excluding the usual suspects like oshun and kalleekwa. The silence of others also speaks volumes. The mere fact that any women appeared at all to express their concerns in accordance with the topic that has been raised proves that you need to have a seat and chill out with all that insidious "rabbit feminism" or what can be more clearly defined as feminazi behavior.