I grew up with my grandfather as a significant role model. When we were out together, he spoke to EVERYONE. As we walked downtown or through the market, he said hello and tipped his hat to every human being that passed by. Without regard to their response, or lack thereof, that was his approach to dealing with other people: to offer respect and to at least attempt to connect on a warm and cordial basis.

I remember being in the local Stop & Shop near my home in a suburb of Boston one time, probably in the mid 1970's, and feeling tangibly uncomfortable as my grandfather spoke to passersby there. Boston was NOT Durham, NC where he lived and the busing and racial tension of that area and era was a serious reality. Many of those white folks looked at him like he was crazy! All the while, he just smiled like the older southern gentleman he was and continued on his way.

30+ years later, while I'm certainly not wearing a top hat and perhaps not projecting my voice as loudly as he was, I at least try to acknowledge most other folks - white or black or purple - if our orbits pass closely enough. I'll say "hello" or the ever present "hiyadoing?" with the short and quick nod of the head. Sometimes, depending on the distance between us, I'll even just nod my head and smile conservatively. Most of the time people respond back. Most of the time.

Yesterday, there was someone in our office. He happened to be white and someone working on the electrical system, I think. I passed him in our office and our eyes met briefly. I smiled and said hello. He quickly turned his head and straight ignored me as he walked by.

In retrospect, it certainly didn't hurt my feelings. Having a redneck not speak - particularly here in Atlanta (and with my Boston upbringing) is not too unusual. It did cause me to think though. What was going through his mind? He knows I'm part of the company paying his bill. He looks at me. He sees and hears me speaking kindly to him. He disses me. What, on Earth, could he be thinking to turn his head and completely ignore me?

At the end of the day, who knows? Who cares. As my grandfather was just being who he was, all I can do is try my best to be who I am. It's just sad and sardonically humorous to think about the many idiosyncrasies that we humans have.

Well, who knows? Maybe he was still following his mother's order to not speak to strangers!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: MBM,

Well, who knows? Maybe he was still following his mother's order to not speak to strangers!---MBM

YEAH!!!

RIGHT!!!!!!!

And Dunkin' Donuts is buying Starbucks.

And Disney is selling out to Hanna Barbera.

That dude has the problem he awakens with every single morning.

'black folks'

Yeah, he knows you are part of his paycheck.

And...clearly, it does not 'make his day'.

PEACE

Jim Chester

PEACE

Jim Chester

I really think it is cultural. I don't speak to everybody although if I do make eye contact I say hi.

My wifes father however speaks to everyone.

quote:

Originally posted by urbansun:

I really think it is cultural.

The speaking may be cultural, but the dissing?

MBM,

Sometimes this happens when people are just nervous or in a hurry..

I've been guilty of doing this at times, mostly out of nervousness (I confess...lol), because I did not think to acknowledge the other person. It is a guilt thing.

I usually speak to all people, but SomeTimes, we humans get so busy in the world and so selfish at times that we just travel in our own little worlds and pretty much ignore EveryBody.

...in any event, I try to be MindFul of it and not let it bother me when others do it to me, remembering that every experience isn't necessarily about me.

There are some who have the blatant DisReSpect and for those, I just brush it off my shoulder and keep it moving...

"Wisdom Is An Honest Woman!"

Originally posted by MBM

quote:

Well, who knows? Maybe he was still following his mother's order to not speak to strangers!

Or....he may have HAD a bad morning. Or some fool may have cut him off in the intersection...Or he may JUST be mean and hateful in the mornings no matter who's greeting him. Some people ARE NOT morning people. No matter what race. One of my sons is like that. As a little boy everyone was cheerful around the breakfast table before going off to school....he ALWAYS had an attitude no matter if I made his favorite breakfast food. On saturdays WE all wouldn't say a WORD to him until afternoon AND then he snapped out of it & became this charming prince

So some people are just that. So as rule in my house, we let attitudes thaw/melt....don't take anything personal until late afternoon. Me-I'm this smiley happy we are the world character in the mornings...which has gotten me the most hated person in the mornings AWARD for years

But if this occurred in the late afternoon...I take all what I've said back.

quote:

What was going through his mind? He knows I'm part of the company paying his bill. He looks at me. He sees and hears me speaking kindly to him. He disses me. What, on Earth, could he be thinking to turn his head and completely ignore me?

Maybe it's simply that he dislikes Black people.

quote:

Originally posted by Momzed:

quote:

What was going through his mind? He knows I'm part of the company paying his bill. He looks at me. He sees and hears me speaking kindly to him. He disses me. What, on Earth, could he be thinking to turn his head and completely ignore me?

Maybe it's simply that he dislikes Black people.

It's been known to happen.

quote:

Originally posted by Kocolicious:
Or....he may have HAD a bad morning. Or some fool may have cut him off in the intersection...

"Situational factors" and "dispositional qualities." This is the only thing I remember from a psychology class I took years ago. Basically, they concern the "'fundamental attribution error', which occurs when we attribute too much weight to the dispositional qualities and not enough weight to the situational factors."

If "some fool may have cut him off in the intersection", then that would be an external cause for his behavior and thus, a situational factor.

But, if he is indeed a racist, then his racism would be a dispositional quality, a quality that is characteristic of the actor.

When I heard this in class, it really resonated with me because I'd always looked at situations this way; I just didn't know that were terms to describe it. However, when I've been slighted and the actor happens to be white, I can't help but think that it's racial. And I hate that this is usually my first thought.

Once I was in Sears and a white cashier had her back to me. Okay, maybe she didn't see me? I mean, she didn't have eyes in the back of her head. So, I ask, "Is this register open?" And she smarted off with, "No, I'm just standing here for my health" or, something funky like that. I said something smart back.

A few weeks later I returned and got the same cashier. This time she was all sweet and nice, calling me "dear" this, and "hon" that. Okay, maybe she was having a bad day the last time I saw her? Or, was she a racist, who, over the last few weeks, had some type of antiracist epiphany?