MBM Comes Clean: I Took Steroids Too!

Ok, they say that transparency is the best policy. Just come clean and voluntarily reveal all that should see the light of day. It will be good for my conscience. Good for my soul. Right? OK, here goes:

I took steroids. I took them to enhancement my performance.

There. I feel so much better. I guess I should offer a bit of context though, lest you think I am monster capable of incalculable evil.

Over the Thanksgiving holiday I contracted a sinus infection that required me to end up in the emergency room seeking medical assistance. To make a long story short, last week the infection came back and I went to see a physician yesterday morning. I explained the symptoms and that I had to fly in and out of New York for business on this upcoming Tuesday so I needed some quick relief. Before I knew it my pants were coming down, my butt was exposed and a needle was jabbed in as a shot of . . . steroids . . . were applied. Yes, the notorious, evil steroids - that threatens to ruin athletes everywhere and that might end up putting Barry Bonds behind bars. I took them. Just like Canseco said - right in the backside. Woe is me, but I did it!

The doctor informed me that the steroids would reduce the inflammation in my sinuses that would allow the antibiotics to better do its job. Beyond the shot, I have some pills to begin taking on Monday: yes, steroid pills. Their purpose is to continue the benefit that the shot provided.

How do I feel about this? What do I think about taking performing enhancing drugs? Well, I guess honestly, I am still . . . processing it internally. At some deep dark level the kinship I feel with the fallen angels, uh athletes, is . . . intriguing. Just like Roger and Andy and Mark and even Marion - I too bared my bottom to better butter my bread. Lest you think that the steroids were for only rehabilitative purposes, I definitely pushed to get to the doctor because of my important meetings on Tuesday. The meetings, if successful, could go a considerable way toward enhancing my business opportunities and putting more money in my pocket. To be sure I took steroids for precisely the same reasons as the professional athletes did. It was out of self-interest and opportunity. Period.

I must tell you though, I feel pretty much the same as I did before I joined the 'steroid club'. While maybe my sinuses are just a tad bit clearer, I certainly feel no 'roid rage'. I haven't exploded at the wife and kids, kicked the dog, or exhibited any out of the ordinary antics around the house. In fact it was a pretty peaceful day today! Most important, I can tell you with fairly high certainty that my nuts remain in good working order and haven't started shrinking. You can be sure that was a prime concern.

So, now that I have so much in common with these scorned athletes, I think it allows me to commiserate with them in a unique way. I've never understood what the whole steroids controversy is all about anyway - to be honest. The experts say that taken under a physician's care, steroids have not exhibited significant negative side effects for adult men. So the controversy is not out of concern for athletes' health.

It can't be simply because it enhances athletic performance, because in reality people pay good money to be entertained, and as ticket prices continue to skyrocket, they want - and even deserve - to be even more entertained. Also - since better performance/entertainment leads to more money/greater experiences for everyone, how wrong can steroids be? Just ask Major League Baseball. While they have lead the witch hunt against their players - they have clearly been the biggest winners of all from its use. As MLB was coming off the heels of their lockout in the early 1990's, it was the amazingly competitive and exciting home run battle between Mark McGuire and Sammy Sosa (both of whose names have been linked to steroids) that lifted the entire league back from the proverbial dead. So, clearly, raising the level of athletic performance can't be the reason.

What about the notion that performance enhancing drugs make comparing contemporary player statistics with historical ones difficult, if not impossible, to do. If today's players have advantages that historical ones didn't, so the argument goes, it somehow compromises the integrity of the game. Well, it's true that today's players have advantages that ones 100 years ago didn't. To be sure, the greatest advantages have nothing to do with steroids though. Current advantage flowing from far more sophisticated and modern sports medicine is probably the greatest difference. No doubt injuries that ended careers in Babe Ruth's time can now be treated with minimally invasion out-patient surgery. You get the knee scoped and are back on the field in two weeks. Moreover nutrition, modern training techniques, incredible advances in athletic gear, the science of sports performance, as well as advancements in the playing surfaces and conditions all lead to considerable advantage for today's athletes versus those of yesteryear. Jesse Owens couldn't compete with today's athletes, not because he didn't have the physical ability, but because of all of the other things that propel contemporary athletes forward faster. That said, these particular advantages for today's athletes are obviously acceptable by all, so it can't really be the statistics issue, can it?

So - what is the deal? What is the whole steroids thing about? Someone help me because, to be honest, I have not a clue. We live in a society where we are trained from childhood that when we want to do/feel better - we take something for it. Whether aspirin or cough syrup or cosmetics or plastic surgery or whatever other tonics that people spend their money on to "enhance their performance": however they define that. Heck, think about how much money is spent advertising erectile dysfunction. Clearly that is ALL about artificial performance enhancement which seems quite acceptable by all. Moreover, we don't question an actress because of her boob or nose job that she got to be more attractive and get better roles for herself. Are we supposed to shun Star Jones because she got a gastric bypass? I don't think so.

We live in an entire culture where artificial 'performance enhancement' is the way things are done. Why all of the moralizing about athletes who are paid to entertain us; what is the problem with them taking a pill or a shot - like the rest of us - to aid in that effort? I don't get it. Isn't it curious that it's wrong for Lance Armstrong to have potentially taken performance enhancement drugs to ride faster on his bike, when, by far, the greatest performance enhancement drugs that he took were the chemotherapy treatments that saved his life? So performance enhancement drugs are OK if they are to enable performance at all, just not to enhance performance on a bike? Maybe if someone published the rules we'd all be much better: a performance enhancing drug etiquette book. That's what we need!

America needs to just 'get a life' about this. Stop the ridiculous moralizing of athletes and just recognize that these are some of the most talented, and dedicated, and disciplined people on the planet. Their skill and athletic prowess put them among the absolute elite of anyone in any profession: they are the best in the world at what they do. If they choose to participate in self-improvement efforts just like everyone else - who are we to look down our noses at them? This, particularly when their sole objective is to entertain you! They don't ostracize you because of your Botox shots or tummy tuck. Those are the things that float your boat. For these athletes, being their best is absolutely all important. They have an extremely short window to make as much money as they can before the 'gravy train' dries up. It is extraordinarily hypocritical and backward for us to attack these guys while allowing our own wholly artificial self-indulgences for things that are important to us. Heck, a grown man taking steroids under a doctor's care is far less damaging than a weak parent resorting to Ritalin to keep their child in check. Let's be real!

So, perhaps this piece will shed a bit of light on what I'm sure is an unpopular way of thinking about the current steroids scandal. As someone apparently thick in the middle of it, for my own sake, though, I hope you see it my way!

This message has been edited. Last edited by: MBM,

That explains the mood swings....

~It's probably an unpopular way of thinking for a very good reason. If the athletes are so good, and the very best at what they do, then they should not need things "outside of themselves" in order to beat the next man/woman at it. And therein lies the rub and the BIG DIFFERENCE: Competition. It simply is not fair for two competitors with all else being equal about their capabilities, for one of them to be on chemicals that give them an edge that the competitor NOT on chemicals does not have. Why would you even WANT to win in such a lowdown way? The trophy wouldn't even be something to be proud of at that point, but more like an embarassing reminder of your shifty deed.

Lance Armstrong was not using his chemotherapy in order to "compete" with the next cancer patient. Bad example. Steroids to enhance his performance during the bike races? That's different. The moral issues are cheating and stealing. You're not "stealing" or "cheating" anybody out of money by using steroids to clear your sinuses for an important business meeting. Therefore, I don't see the "kinship" you feel with athletes that use steroids in their professional competitions. *shrug*

And cosmetic surgery isn't something to help you "do what you do" unless you work professionally with the changes that you've made. Therefore, the average person on the street that indulges in it is different from a Supermodel that does the same thing. The supermodel would be competing with the next supermodel, so MAYBE the surgeries could be looked at as performance enhancing, but, they [surgeries] are certainly not SECRET DRUGS. A model getting an ad because of her fake boobs and pushing a "natural" out of the competition is a raw deal. I can see the correlation there, but not as it applies to sinuses. Is this a "competition" that you have coming up in New York?~

quote:

I went to see a physician yesterday morning. I explained the symptoms... I needed some quick relief. Before I knew it my pants were coming down, my butt was exposed and a needle was jabbed in as a shot of . . . steroids . . . were applied. Yes, the notorious, evil steroids... right in the backside. Woe is me, but I did it!

The doctor informed me that the steroids would reduce the inflammation in my sinuses that would allow the antibiotics to better do its job. Beyond the shot, I have some pills to begin taking on Monday: yes, steroid pills.

MBM!! They got you too!!


Okay. I got a confession to make: I only did it two times in my whole career. My team needed me.

quote:

Originally posted by Nmaginate:

My team needed me.

You actually raise a good point. In team sports, spectacular individual performance frequently leads to greater team honor. The more games you win, the more money you make in the way of bonuses, play-off pay, etc. That goes for the superstars as well as the last guy on the bench.

Another way of looking at this steroid scandal is that while we know the owners are the one who really got paid from it, those who took steroids were also contributing to the well-being and uplift of their teammates.

How unselfish and courageous for Barry and the crew to take one for the team!

That is a damn fine point guys! They have interpreted it as a single, selfish act and that is all it is. However the team that they played for is also the beneficiary of the performance.

In my opinion if MLB knew, many of the owners knew, many of the players knew, then the outrage from all of those party's should be zero. The only folks who can have any righteous indigination are the fans, yet is was through steriods (mcqwire v sosa) that most of them even came back. So who really has cause for indignation?

quote:

Originally posted by MBM:

quote:

Originally posted by Nmaginate:

My team needed me.

You actually raise a good point. In team sports, spectacular individual performance frequently leads to greater team honor. The more games you win, the more money you make in the way of bonuses, play-off pay, etc. That goes for the superstars as well as the last guy on the bench.

Another way of looking at this steroid scandal is that while we know the owners are the one who really got paid from it, those who took steroids were also contributing to the well-being and uplift of their teammates.

How unselfish and courageous for Barry and the crew to take one for the team!

you're joking with this, right?

Pro sports (even team sports) is about individual honor. At contract time players are rewarded (by the owners) based on their individual contribution, its tangential benefit to the team is incidential. (althought this point is routinely used as media fodder used by both players and owners to their advantage.)

To suggest that taking banned steroids were somehow a sacrifice they were making for the team is not credible.

Of course the owners knew how dirty their sport was, and raked in cash hand-over-fist during the asterisk years, but nobody else (besides the individual player) is responsible for sticking a needle with a banned substance in his azz.

The Mitchell report is just a sad baseball "cover" for what happened and was condoned. Fans complain about dissafection and impurity, but guess what ....they keep coming through the turnstyles.

there are no innocent hands in this.

Okay MBM, are you taking anabolic-androgenic steroids or corticosteroids?

quote:

Originally posted by urbansun:

In my opinion if MLB knew, many of the owners knew, many of the players knew, then the outrage from all of those party's should be zero. The only folks who can have any righteous indigination are the fans, yet is was through steriods (mcqwire v sosa) that most of them even came back. So who really has cause for indignation?

I like what sportswriter Dave Zirin had to say about this:

"And this juicing of the game, this increasing of power in the game, was something that occurred on numerous fronts. I mean, stadiums became smaller. The bats were made with a different kind of wood. The strike zone shrunk. And we’re supposed to believe that Major League owners perpetuated all of these things, yet turned their back and just whistled when it came to what players were actually ingesting and putting in their bodies.

I mean, the Mitchell report is an expose of trainers and of clubhouse attendants and players, and it paints this picture of just sort of a benign neglect on behalf of owners. As Mitchell said, they were just slow to act. And that, to me, really does let them off the hook, and it doesn’t get us at the root of the problem. "

quote:

I must tell you though, I feel pretty much the same as I did before I joined the 'steroid club'. While maybe my sinuses are just a tad bit clearer, I certainly feel no 'roid rage'. I haven't exploded at the wife and kids, kicked the dog, or exhibited any out of the ordinary antics around the house. In fact it was a pretty peaceful day today! Most important, I can tell you with fairly high certainty that my nuts remain in good working order and haven't started shrinking. You can be sure that was a prime concern.

And crack heads don’t immediately suffer from extreme weight loss, paranoia, compulsivity, and delusions, but keep letting your doctor inject you with those steroids and talk to us in 6 months about your nuts.

quote:

Originally posted by kresge:

Okay MBM, are you taking anabolic-androgenic steroids or corticosteroids?

ssshhhhhhh

quote:

Originally posted by I_am_Mahogany:

quote:

I must tell you though, I feel pretty much the same as I did before I joined the 'steroid club'. While maybe my sinuses are just a tad bit clearer, I certainly feel no 'roid rage'. I haven't exploded at the wife and kids, kicked the dog, or exhibited any out of the ordinary antics around the house. In fact it was a pretty peaceful day today! Most important, I can tell you with fairly high certainty that my nuts remain in good working order and haven't started shrinking. You can be sure that was a prime concern.

And crack heads don’t immediately suffer from extreme weight loss, paranoia, compulsivity, and delusions, but keep letting your doctor inject you with those steroids and talk to us in 6 months about your nuts.

*dead*



just

*dead*

quote:

Originally posted by I_am_Mahogany:

quote:

I must tell you though, I feel pretty much the same as I did before I joined the 'steroid club'. While maybe my sinuses are just a tad bit clearer, I certainly feel no 'roid rage'. I haven't exploded at the wife and kids, kicked the dog, or exhibited any out of the ordinary antics around the house. In fact it was a pretty peaceful day today! Most important, I can tell you with fairly high certainty that my nuts remain in good working order and haven't started shrinking. You can be sure that was a prime concern.

And crack heads don’t immediately suffer from extreme weight loss, paranoia, compulsivity, and delusions, but keep letting your doctor inject you with those steroids and talk to us in 6 months about your nuts.

I understand that this two dimensional medium often leads to misunderstanding based upon the limitations of the written word. That said, while I fundamentally believe that the steroid scandal is foolish (for a variety of reasons), the over-all tone of my piece was intended to be syringe . . . er . . . 'tongue-in-cheek'.

quote:

Originally posted by MBM:

quote:

Originally posted by I_am_Mahogany:

quote:

I must tell you though, I feel pretty much the same as I did before I joined the 'steroid club'. While maybe my sinuses are just a tad bit clearer, I certainly feel no 'roid rage'. I haven't exploded at the wife and kids, kicked the dog, or exhibited any out of the ordinary antics around the house. In fact it was a pretty peaceful day today! Most important, I can tell you with fairly high certainty that my nuts remain in good working order and haven't started shrinking. You can be sure that was a prime concern.

And crack heads don’t immediately suffer from extreme weight loss, paranoia, compulsivity, and delusions, but keep letting your doctor inject you with those steroids and talk to us in 6 months about your nuts.

I understand that this two dimensional medium often leads to misunderstanding based upon the limitations of the written word. That said, while I fundamentally believe that the steroid scandal is foolish (for a variety of reasons), the over-all tone of my piece was intended to be syringe . . . er . . . 'tongue-in-cheek'.

I got the joke, MBM. I was trying to be funny, too. I guess I'll keep my day job. LOL.

quote:

Originally posted by MBM:

quote:

Originally posted by Nmaginate:

My team needed me.

You actually raise a good point.

I was just mocking Andie Pettit.

quote:

Originally posted by kresge:
Okay MBM, are you taking anabolic-androgenic steroids or corticosteroids?

Thank you Kresge. I was just about to go there.

I suppose I should be ready to throw myself on my sword for using an Albuterol inhaler.

You know what . . .

Let's make a pact. Let's not buy any tickets, jerseys, shoes, trading cards, pay-per-views, fatheads, signed gloves, celebrity-endorsed equipment, razors, SUVs, pantyhose, Hanes underwear, until each governing body in professional sports institutes and FOLLOWS THROUGH on a comprehensive drug-testing program. Administered by an objective, third-party organization. Monthly, no notice . . . pee in a cup or roll up your sleeve.

Who's with me?

{Also with tongue-firmly-in-cheek. No syringes here . . . any anabolic agents I've used were strictly pill form.}

quote:

Originally posted by Nmaginate:

quote:

Originally posted by MBM:

quote:

Originally posted by Nmaginate:

My team needed me.

You actually raise a good point.

I was just mocking Andie Pettit.

It was a good point. Barry et al lifted the boat of the entire league.

quote:

Originally posted by ATPWordPro:

quote:

Originally posted by kresge:
Okay MBM, are you taking anabolic-androgenic steroids or corticosteroids?

Thank you Kresge. I was just about to go there.

I suppose I should be ready to throw myself on my sword for using an Albuterol inhaler.

Either way, when I checked online about the drug, there was a track star who was banned for taking what I got, so . . .

quote:

Originally posted by I_am_Mahogany:
keep letting your doctor inject you with those steroids and talk to us in 6 months about your nuts.

That wo