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D2 |
So i met this girl who worked at starbucks, and i worked up the courage to ask her on a date. After a couple conversations at the register. She was a month older than me but I didn't really care, she was fun to be around. So we took a walk along the beach, and we kissed in the pale moonlight, a full moon, it was really romantic. We started really getting into it, and she slowly unzipped my jeans, she reaches inside and starts kissing her way down my chest, she finally gets all the way down, looks up at me with the most seductive eyes I've ever seen and says "No thanks, I had Reese's for breakfast" and I'm like "No way, you had candy for breakfast?" She replies, "Not candy! Reese's puffs cereal!" So she sliiiiides me a bowl. I crunch into it and WHAM! My mouth goes crazy! That smooth combo of peanut butter taste.
Bom Chika Wah Wah |
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A1 |
 I don't get it. |
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B2 |
Um . . . AF . . . are you trying to share with us that your body parts taste like candy-flavored cereal? Or, that girl really wasn't a month older than you?  Either way I'm tellin'! ------------------------------ DOMS is my friend.  |
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D2 |
 well i thought it was funny when i first read it Bom Chika Wah Wah |
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A1 |
I didn't get it either. |
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A2 |
That's kinda funny.  *********************************** “It is certain, in any case, that ignorance, allied with power, is the most ferocious enemy justice can have.†-- James Baldwin |
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D2 |
Well all i can say is WHOOSH! Bom Chika Wah Wah |
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A1 |
 Truth is undoubtedly the sort of error that cannot be refuted because it was hardened into an unalterable form in the long baking process of history... Michel Foucault Hope begets many children illegitimately and prematurely. Allie M. Frazier Beware the terrible simplifiers... Jacob Burckhardt  |
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A1 |
This is plain ole mean-spirited.
Loyalty in marriage Just a wee story about loyalty in marriage... A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears. "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired,you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?" "What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. "I think you're bad luck, get the fuck away from me."  |
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A1 |
 Egungun, Egungun ni t'aiye ati jo! Ancestos, Ancestors come to earth and dance! "I'm sick of the war and the civilization that created it. Let's look to our dreams, and the magical; to the creations of the so-called primitive peoples for new inspirations." - Jaques Vache and Andre Breton "Capitalism is the astounding belief that the most wickedest of men will do the most wickedest of things for the greatest good of everyone." -John Maynard "You know that in our country there were even matriarchal societies where women were the most important element. On the Bijagos islands they had queens. They were not queens because they were the daughters of kings. They had queens succeeding queens. The religious leaders were women too..." -- Amilcar Cabral, Return to the Source, 1973    |
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A1 |
This is just wrong...
WE'VE ALL SPOKEN TO HIM Mujibar was trying to get a job in India. The Personnel Manager said, 'Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it , you cannot qualify for this job.' Mujibar said, 'I am ready.' The manager said, 'Make a sentence using the words Yellow , Pink and Green ' Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, 'Mister manager, I am ready' The manager said, 'Go ahead.' Mujibar said, 'The telephone goes green, green, and I pink it up, and say, ' Yellow, this is Mujibar.' Mujibar now works at a call center. No doubt you have spoken to him. I know I have. Egungun, Egungun ni t'aiye ati jo! Ancestos, Ancestors come to earth and dance! "I'm sick of the war and the civilization that created it. Let's look to our dreams, and the magical; to the creations of the so-called primitive peoples for new inspirations." - Jaques Vache and Andre Breton "Capitalism is the astounding belief that the most wickedest of men will do the most wickedest of things for the greatest good of everyone." -John Maynard "You know that in our country there were even matriarchal societies where women were the most important element. On the Bijagos islands they had queens. They were not queens because they were the daughters of kings. They had queens succeeding queens. The religious leaders were women too..." -- Amilcar Cabral, Return to the Source, 1973 |
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A1 |
A Great Canadian Joke
The Canadian Mounties always get their man! After numerous rounds of 'We don't even know if Osama is still alive', Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game. Bush opened the letter and it contained a single line of coded message: 370H-SSV-0773H Bush was baffled, so he showed it to Condoleezza Rice. Condi and her aides had not a clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to MI6 and Mossad. Eventually they asked RCMP for help. Within a minute RCMP e-mailed the White House with this reply: 'Tell the President he's holding the message upside down.' Egungun, Egungun ni t'aiye ati jo! Ancestos, Ancestors come to earth and dance! "I'm sick of the war and the civilization that created it. Let's look to our dreams, and the magical; to the creations of the so-called primitive peoples for new inspirations." - Jaques Vache and Andre Breton "Capitalism is the astounding belief that the most wickedest of men will do the most wickedest of things for the greatest good of everyone." -John Maynard "You know that in our country there were even matriarchal societies where women were the most important element. On the Bijagos islands they had queens. They were not queens because they were the daughters of kings. They had queens succeeding queens. The religious leaders were women too..." -- Amilcar Cabral, Return to the Source, 1973 |
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Tasmanian Angel |
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive....so, I took her to a gas station.....
and then the fight started.... ************************************************************************ After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair of your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too' And then the fight started..... ************************************************************************ My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' And then the fight started..... ************************************************************************ I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' And then the fight started..... BLACK by NATURE, PROUD by CHOICE. Before there was ANY history, there was BLACK history. |
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A2 |
Originally posted by EbonyRose
  Thanks Sista EbonyRose....I needed a good laugh. Whew! |
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Tasmanian Angel |
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Tasmanian Angel |
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Tasmanian Angel |
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B2 |
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.
On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon. Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning, Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...' 'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been expecting you.' Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?' 'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat'. After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start? 'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there. In the bathtub and on the living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!' Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.' My, that's a lot!' gasped Mrs. Smith. 'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that. 'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly. The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said. 'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.' And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with. 'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith. 'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look 'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement. 'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in.' Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh....equipment? 'It's true, Ma'am, yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away.' 'Tripod?' 'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long.' Mrs. Smith fainted. |
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A2 |
^Who was the photographer, Lexington Steele?
 *********************************** “It is certain, in any case, that ignorance, allied with power, is the most ferocious enemy justice can have.†-- James Baldwin |
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