“I was wrong for that. I know. But hey, what are you going to do when someone intentionally pushes your….errr…manhood boundaries.” I said with a sly little smile, as I flipped my eyes at her.

“At that moment, it was either whip his fat behind, or kick him out of the store, so in my opinion, umm…he got it light”. We both giggled at the thought of me whipping Lil’ Toney, the block bully. He was about six foot two, two hundred and sixty pounds of mashed potato’s n’ gravy, twinkies, sneakiness, and ego. You got the feeling that if you cut him open he wouldn’t have any organs only cream filling. Nobody really liked him, but because he ran with a crew of hoodlums, crackheads, and ex-cons folks generally stayed on his good side or they “mysteriously” had a car stolen, “happened to” get mugged, or got hit with a “stray” bottle at a house party or something.

I glanced at her again sideways as I finished recounting the story in a cocky tone meant to impress, a story that I had been reliving over and over in my mind since Tuesday with more than a little fear. Until now, I had only told it to a few friends, but the word was out on the block anyway that I had kicked Lil’ Toney out of my store and he was pissed. Well, technically it was my uncles store, but he left it too me while he spent 9 months out of the year in Jamaica, so damn it, it was my store. Well, technically, my uncle wasn’t in Jamaica the island paradise but Jamaica New York, but that is another story in and of itself. Ok damn it, my uncle was in jail on a third strike misdemeanor. He got caught ummm…urinating…in his ex-girlfriends open car window after got drunk at the club. The only problem was she was in the car and she had electric windows that went up really fast, and I guess they pinch really hard if you know what I mean. Probation revoked…short hospital stay…my store.

Blah blah, I shook my head free of its tendency to wander across loose details and topics and refocused on the reason I came in to the gas station, her. She was a beautiful, caramel colored, velvet skinned, 100% all natural woman. Wow. Although she was only about five foot five, the perfect height for kissing by the way, her electrifying personality and charisma made her fill any room she walked into. But that wasn’t the best part even. The best part was this (drum roll please), her smile. This girl’s smile was brighter than the sun at noon on a hot summer day without clouds. I mean, no matter how moody you were when you saw it, there wasn’t enough shade in your troubled soul not to warm up. Man I tell you, I saw the meanest bastards, cats who haven’t smiled since Vietnam when they came back and found that not only did they get their arm blown off, their girl was humping their best friend on their own bed type mean. I saw street nigga’s, softened, rough cats who were so raw it was like they had IV’s of Viagra permanently attached to their behavior they were so hard. They would come in, take one look at that smile and get to giggling and laughing like little kids.

Anyway, I was in love with her and I had been for a month now, but the funny thing was as tough as I acted with her I never had the courage other than to have silly conversations and crack jokes. Yeah sometimes we would flip philosophy cuzz she was book learned, or even talk about her starting her own business, but the conversation never turned to emotional things. But not today. Today was the day I had been psyching up for ever since it dawned on me that this girl was the one I really wanted to be with. Not that be with in the sense that, you take her home after a night of drinking in the bar and bang em out, kick em out be with. Not that be with where you date her, but only because your other girlfriend is tripping and you want to stroke your ego be with. But that BE WITH, like total emotional, physical, and psychological commitment. That be with where she centers you, holds you down, lifts you up, turns you around, upside down, and then brushes off the dust on your shoulder, kisses you on the cheek and tells you to have a good day at work type, and you do, be with! Sighhhhhh….I can’t explain it right.
Seeing that I kinda figured I was going get to nervous and avoid the luvvvvvvvvvv conversation, I had actually rehearsed how I was going to tell her, and so far I was right on schedule. First I was going to buy my “regular”. Oh yeah, I had to find an excuse to see her at least three times a week, so I pretended to like those nasty gas station microwavable burrito’s. Trust me, I had to buy a subscription service to Pepto Bismo, but it was worth having any ummmm…thinking of a non disgusting way to put it…stomach problems to spend time with her. After my burrito, I was going to tell her the story about Lil’ Toney since it was out on the block now, I knew she would eventually hear it, so I might as well be the one putting out my version. Then I would read her this poem I had spent three weeks working on. It was only six lines, but I am one of those poetically challenged kids, that think rose are red, violets are blue are Shakespearian in nature. I had it memorized but brought the paper just in case,

In my sleep, I dream of a queen, that queen is you,
Radiant, glorious, jewel, greater than the word beautiful,
My love for you is hotter than the center of the sun,
Sacred, wonderful, in my heart, you are the only one,
Words can’t describe this, awakened passionate desire,
Alone I am nothing, cold, you give me a spirit of fire.
Will you be with me, the queen of my dreams?

I knew it was a little sappy, but that is just what came out, and since I sucked at poems, I wasn’t about to change it. Now was the time, “Hey, you know I come in here about three times a week don’t you and it is not for the food.” I stated in a jokingly flirtatious way that always put a sparkle in her eye.

She replied tit for tat, “I hope not, if you eat enough of those burrito’s you won’t just be trying to fight Lil’ Toney, you will be Lil’ Toney, size 49 pants, man breast an all”. We laughed hysterically at the thought of that.

“So what do you come in here for?” she asked, suddenly serious with fire I had never seen in her eyes before, a fire that seemed to burn into my very soul.
I got nervous, and quickly stuck my hands in my pocket so she wouldn’t see them shaking. Beads of sweat began to show on my forehead and my stomach didn’t have butterflies anymore, it had a swarm of angry birds. But I knew! I knew she wanted me as much as I wanted her, I knew it with that look beyond a shadow of a doubt! Slowly I fumbled around in my pocket pulling out the sheet of paper with my poem. “Ummmm…well….I wrote something for you, and I kinda wanted to read it”, I stumbled. Her eyes brightened even further, and she nodded, encouragingly, lovingly.

I started “In my sleep, I dream…..”

BOOM, there was a thunderous roar, and the sound of tiny specks of shattered glass raining on a hard tile floor. As I spun around I saw Lil’ Toney laughing and pointing to a shiny black object in his hand as he peeled out in the parking lot of the gas station and sped down the street. What happened, what happened I thought to myself? I turned to her, she was staring at me, eyes wide with fear and then I looked down. A dark red splotch was growing into a bright flow of blood just on the left side of my chest. I fell in slow motion to the ground, holding the paper…the poem…over the hole that had been opened in my heart. Screaming, she ran around the counter, and cradled my head in her lap. As I looked deep into her eyes, I smiled, fell asleep, and dreamed forever about my queen.