*sigh*

My mind is going down the drain it seems. I have a wonderful opportunity to reach out to my community and share the facts of life about mental illness. But I feel stuck. And I feel pissed.

I would imagine that every person in the world is afflicted with demons of the mind, or knows someone who is. Why do people turn their heads, or ridicule, or seem so apathetic? We're talking millions here. Millions of people who live and die, struggling with the chemical imbalances and cranial abnormalities which constantly harass and badger until a person begins to wonder if they fit into that dreaded crazy category....

Dammit.

I went to the doctor today for some pain I've been having in my leg. Used to suffer from it a few years ago, a pinched nerve. Back then they gave me a mild prescription painkiller, worked great, no issues.

Today at the doctor's office, I had to list the medications I'm currently taking. Okay. Lamictal, Lexapro, Seroquel.

"Depression?" the doctor asks.

"Kinda, bipolar depression".

"Oh".

She comes back with a prescription for ibuprofen. I have the stuff at home. In abundance. It doesn't work. I told her so.

"Well, you just haven't taken it long enough", she says.

She makes up some lame story about how it takes weeks to take full effect. I suppose she took me for an idiot as well as a drug addict. It took ten minutes of tense conversing before she wrote the prescription I needed.

Well cuz, I'm bipolar, you know, depressed, and I'll do ANYTHING to try to feel better, you know, get high and all that, cuz I'm depressed and that's just how ALL depressed people roll, so it'd be wrong for her to cater to my habit you know.

My fucking leg hurt. That was it. She wanted to turn it into a damn intervention.

Somebody please draw the line.....

And the funny thing is....the ones who DON'T need it....have it in abundance...like the celebrities! They get to have ALL kinds of medication....and they're NOT even SICK! Media coverage on this is currently being HIGHLIGHTED. This is ONE of many reasons why I don't trust doctors. Their priorities are no longer in their sacred oath to "do no harm" to trusting patients and yet they do harm every SINGLE day.... They are the real criminals. Almost like playing God in terms of who gets treatment. But! JMHO..is all.

But the hard thing too is how to tell, who is abusing the system and who isn't... I guess I can't completely blame the doctor. I do blame the people though who, like you say, get what they want and aren't even sick. It makes it bad for the rest of us. It's just so irritating to me.

And the celebrities, well they're just living it up. They have the money and the power, and nothing is stopping them. The doctors that prescribe to them are so money hungry that ethics don't even come into play half the time. That's why whenever you hear of some celeb overdose or whatnot, the next day the corrupt doctor comes into play. It must be a hell of a life. No limits. Well, at least until you drop dead or get locked up.

So...true...sista! That's why you have to take care of YOURSELF! And when seeking therapy of any kind..do your OWN research and KNOW what you need to BENEFIT you when you get there....cuz you DON'T want to be any doctor's experiment-that's another fear as well. Doctors are known to give medication without caring about the side effects to their patients. As in anything, the body and mind can heal itself with proper treatment. The REAL key is knowing what works for YOU..and sticking to it.

Yeah I do research on every medication they give me. I'm a medical junkie so it'd be damned near impossible to make me into an experiment, although with medication it is trial and error. I play an active role in my treatment. I'm not the kind of person to sit and swallow any med or info they give me without 1st conducting my own query into the pros and cons of that particular treatment.