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B2 |
Chris Rock On.
Known for his irreverent style of comedy, Chris Rock has become a major draw with his live shows around the world. The Emmy Award winning Brooklyn native recently performed two sold out shows at Atlantic City's Borgata Hotel and the crowd went wild with his raw and bawdy new stand-up routine. BlackVoices.com was there to catch all of the action, and to share what the former 'Saturday Night Live' star had to say on topics ranging from celebrities, politics, sex and the economy. WARNING: EXPLICIT CONTENT TO FOLLOW: President George W. Bush. "George Bush has f****d up so bad he made it hard for a white man to run for president. People are like, 'Give me a black man, a white women, a giraffe, a zebra. Anything but another white man. The last one f****d up my roof'" Barack Obama's Name. "Barack Obama the blackest name I've ever heard in my life. It don't get much blacker than that s**t. I've been black for forty years, I've never met a Barack or an Obama. That's the blackest name of all time, that's right next to Dikembe Mutombo." Barack Obama On Race. "And he's so calm and cool sometimes I think he doesn't even realize he's the black candidate. He's so relaxed, he's thinking he could win this thing fair and square." John McCain. "Who do we have running for president, John McCain? Good for him. John McCain. 72 years old. He was too old ten years ago. He's so old he use to own Sidney Poitier. Who's going to be his Vice President? A nurse!?" Hillary Clinton Leaving The Presidential Race. "I'm glad Hillary is out of this motherf****r. She would not leave, even when she lost she was like, 'I have to figure out what I'm going to do.' Get off the court like the Lakers did." Bill Clinton Back In The White House. "I don't even understand why Hillary wanted the job as president. It didn't even make no sense. So let me get this straight; she was going to work in an office where her husband got blow jobs in!? Ain't that much redecorating in the world. 'Well the Oval Office is now the rectangle office.'" Michelle Obama In The White House. "It's going to be hard for Barack, because Barack Obama has a black wife. And I don't believe a black woman can be first lady of the United States. Don't get me wrong, a black woman can be president with no problem. Could you imagine telling your black wife that you're president? 'Honey I'm president' [She'll say,] 'No, we're president!'" Being Like Tiger Woods. "If Barack Obama wants to be president he has to get himself a white girl. Look what it did for Tiger Woods -- took him to the next level. Made that smile even that much bigger. Like a mouth full of golf balls." Black Men and Fat White Women. "We like a big white woman. That's what makes black woman so mad. Cause they know Rosie O'Donnell can walk into any black club in America and get a black man. And she don't even like men!" Anna Nicole Smith's Funeral. "Anyone seen Anna Nicole Smith's funeral? Anna Nicole had six black pallbearers at her funeral. S**t, I thought Jim Brown had died or some s**t." John Edwards And Infidelity. "A lot of people f***ing around. [John] Edwards got caught out there. Hey, what's a guy to do!? Even without the cancer, ladies don't let your husband look better than you. It's only going to lead to f***ing problems. If that motherf****r weighs 150, you weigh 140. You don't have to be a model but you got to look better than your f***ing man, or it will be trouble." Britney Losing Custody. "I really want to do a good show cause I don't want the authorities to come take my kids, like they did with Britney Spears. You know how bad of a mom you have to be to lose your kids to a man. She must've been smoking crack out her ass to lose your kids to that guy!?" His Rich Kids. "My kids is going to be rich which is odd cause I never liked rich kids. So there's a part of me that hates my own children. And when my kids want something I have no sympathy at all. 'Daddy I want a bike.' I'm like, 'f**k you and your bike! F***ing rich bastard!'" Blood Tests And Marriages. "People always say before you get married you should get a blood test. You don't need a blood test you need a credit check. Bad credit is highly contagious." High Gasoline Prices. "So let me get this straight, we invade a country with oil and gas cost more!? If I invade IHop pancakes will be cheaper at my house. Gas is so expensive pretty soon they're going to start selling gas in bars. 'Yes, I want to send a half of tank to the little lady over there in red.' Pretty soon people's going to be f***ing for gas." The Once Almighty American Dollar. "Your money ain't worth sh*t! Have you left the country recently? Nobody takes a f***ing dollar. They look at you like, 'Can you get some change for that sh*t?' I was in London a couple of weeks ago I went to the currency exchange thing. I gave the lady $3,000 , she gave me back a loaf of bread. F***ing Bush, money ain't worth s**t!"" The Whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden. "What ever happened to Bin Laden? You ever go see a movie and the plot changes in the middle? This whole war is a bad movie. Now I hate to sound like a conspiracy theorist, but I don't believe Bin Laden really exist. A seven foot diabetic Muslim, lives in a cave like Dr. Evil. There's no electricity, yet his camcorder is always charged up. This guy did more movies than Sam Jackson last year." CNN's 'Black In America' Series. "Didn't CNN have some s**t called 'Being Black In America?' If you watch CNN, specials are like 'CNN presents Katrina, CNN presents Global Warming, now CNN Presents Black In America.' I didn't know we were a f***ing disaster! Is our s**t that f****d up!?" Flavor Flav. "I like Flavor Flav, I think the show is quite funny. But Flavor Flav must die! In order for black people to make it to the promise land, Flavor Flav has to be shot in the f***ing head. We got a black man running for president, we don't need a [N-Word] running around with a f***ing Viking hat. This motherf***er better put on a suit till November. On Thanksgiving you can put your clock back on." Babe Ruth Being The Greatest. "They got mad when he [Barry Bonds] broke Hank Aaron's record but they really hated him when he broke Babe Ruth's record But upon further review Babe Ruth wasn't shit. Big, fat, overweight motherf****r. Never played against any Blacks or Puerto Ricans or Mexicans. How the hell are you going to play baseball without Dominicans. To call Babe Ruth the greatest baseball player ever when he didn't play against any black people that's like saying I got the highest SATs in the country but no Asians took the test. Yeah I won the marathon last week but there were no Kenyans in it!" http://www.blackvoices.com/entertainment/chris-rock-stand-up-concert |
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Black Ceasar |
That was pure comedic genius.
   "There are two things that are infinite, human stupidity and the universe...and I'm not too sure about the universe." --Albert Einstein |
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A2 |
I like Chris! I wonder if this is the material he'll cover in Kill the Messenger?
*********************************** “It is certain, in any case, that ignorance, allied with power, is the most ferocious enemy justice can have.†-- James Baldwin |
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A1 |
 Man, I love Chris Rock!
  I'm getting that made into a t-shirt! Egungun, Egungun ni t'aiye ati jo! Ancestos, Ancestors come to earth and dance! "I'm sick of the war and the civilization that created it. Let's look to our dreams, and the magical; to the creations of the so-called primitive peoples for new inspirations." - Jaques Vache and Andre Breton "Capitalism is the astounding belief that the most wickedest of men will do the most wickedest of things for the greatest good of everyone." -John Maynard "You know that in our country there were even matriarchal societies where women were the most important element. On the Bijagos islands they had queens. They were not queens because they were the daughters of kings. They had queens succeeding queens. The religious leaders were women too..." -- Amilcar Cabral, Return to the Source, 1973    |
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A1 |
Flavor Flav .... AND New York ....   |
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A1 |
Ain't that the truth... don't get me started though... I have a list... Egungun, Egungun ni t'aiye ati jo! Ancestos, Ancestors come to earth and dance! "I'm sick of the war and the civilization that created it. Let's look to our dreams, and the magical; to the creations of the so-called primitive peoples for new inspirations." - Jaques Vache and Andre Breton "Capitalism is the astounding belief that the most wickedest of men will do the most wickedest of things for the greatest good of everyone." -John Maynard "You know that in our country there were even matriarchal societies where women were the most important element. On the Bijagos islands they had queens. They were not queens because they were the daughters of kings. They had queens succeeding queens. The religious leaders were women too..." -- Amilcar Cabral, Return to the Source, 1973 |
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A4 |
Too damn funny! However as they say, there's always some truth in jest! |
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Black Ceasar |
And who was the genius that gave New York a show? What guy wants to date a woman who was dissed on national television by Flavor Flav...TWICE?! 
"There are two things that are infinite, human stupidity and the universe...and I'm not too sure about the universe." --Albert Einstein |
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A1 |
I laughed at most of the routine, but from what I've heard [from a friend that was attempting to do the stand-up thing] Chris Rock is notorious for stealing other [but unknown] comics' material. He used to frequent smaller comedy clubs and steal routines ... now that he has blown up and easily identified, he is suppose to have others do the dirty work. And when the comic makes noise, Rock just pays them off. So I can't say I love him, but I do love his material and his delivery. |
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A1 |
Isn't this the same tired ole b.s. passing for humor that killed Bernie Mac? When we speak we are afraid our words will not be heard or welcomed. But when we are silent, we are still afraid. So it is better to speak Audre Lord |
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B2 |
------------------------------------------------ Quote: Isn't this the same tired ole b.s. passing for humor that killed Bernie Mac? Do you mean killed his career or killed him? Please clarify for our benefit.  |
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A1 |
This is the same joke that Bernie Mac tried to pass off as funny re: black women as first lady, during his appearance at a Barack Obama function, at which he was mildly rebuked, and after which, he up and died?  When we speak we are afraid our words will not be heard or welcomed. But when we are silent, we are still afraid. So it is better to speak Audre Lord |
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A1 |
"Being a president is tough cause you're not just running the county. You got to run your family too," he said. "Having a black first lady is different. You're still going have to do the dishes and the laundry and all that…you got to pick up the kids. You didn't pick up the kids? I just came from Korea, talking about nuclear weapons. You were on Airforce One and you couldn't stop to pick up the kids?"
Mac said he is a Democrat "born and raised" but added that "I'm a Republican at tax time." He mimicked a mock warning from an imagined staffer: "Don't kill the message." He then talked about his wife who he's been married to for 35 years, and how she just went through menopause. "I can't take it," he said. "My house is so doggone cold all the time." He promised to help Obama and that he would be there "like the Jackson Five" and ended" When we speak we are afraid our words will not be heard or welcomed. But when we are silent, we are still afraid. So it is better to speak Audre Lord |
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A1 |
Thoughts on a Black First Lady in Waiting
"“Barack has a handicap the other candidates don’t have: Barack Obama has a black wife. And I don’t think a black woman can be first lady of the United States. Yeah, I said it! A black woman can be president, no problem. First lady? Can’t do it. You know why? Because a black woman cannot play the background of a relationship. Just imagine telling your black wife that you’re president? ‘Honey, I did it! I won! I’m the president.’ ‘No, we the president! And I want my girlfriends in the Cabinet! I want Kiki to be secretary of state! She can fight!†–Chris Rock, comedian" When we speak we are afraid our words will not be heard or welcomed. But when we are silent, we are still afraid. So it is better to speak Audre Lord |
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B2 |
------------------------------------------------ NS, Thank You Very Much. |
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A1 |
YW, i could have sworn i saw a transcript of bernie mac's routine and it was very similar, but apparently it was simply a variation on the same theme: a sista can't be first lady because she is bossy and controlling... When we speak we are afraid our words will not be heard or welcomed. But when we are silent, we are still afraid. So it is better to speak Audre Lord |
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Black Ceasar |
 "There are two things that are infinite, human stupidity and the universe...and I'm not too sure about the universe." --Albert Einstein |
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A1 |
I had no idea... 
Egungun, Egungun ni t'aiye ati jo! Ancestos, Ancestors come to earth and dance! "I'm sick of the war and the civilization that created it. Let's look to our dreams, and the magical; to the creations of the so-called primitive peoples for new inspirations." - Jaques Vache and Andre Breton "Capitalism is the astounding belief that the most wickedest of men will do the most wickedest of things for the greatest good of everyone." -John Maynard "You know that in our country there were even matriarchal societies where women were the most important element. On the Bijagos islands they had queens. They were not queens because they were the daughters of kings. They had queens succeeding queens. The religious leaders were women too..." -- Amilcar Cabral, Return to the Source, 1973 |
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Black Ceasar |
On the VMAs Sunday night, British comic Russell Brand, ripped off Chris Rock when he said, "Is America ready for a black president? Of Course, America's ready, They voted a retarded cowboy in for the last 8 years."
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